#a reunion that might be filled with some pain but ultimately be happy

[lumiambersupremacy]

I just like to think about Amber telling lumine about her insecurities related to her grandpa leaving and then when lumine inevitably goes to Liyue and stumbles upon the Qingce Village bulletin board which talks about an old friend returning from mondstadt after becoming some sort of knight she immediately searches for this person and drags Ambers grandpa back to Mondstadt so they can reunite and talk things out.

[kuno-chan]

The Satisfaction of The Dragon Prince, Season 4

I don't want to go too deep since I'll likely talk about s4 in the podcast, but my general thoughts:

I really liked this season. It didn't make me scream and lose my mind the way season 3 made me scream (and I'm also just emotionally a different person than I was 3 years ago), but I was rather satisfied with this season. It feels like season 1 in its own right where it's good, the writing is great, but it doesn't feel like enough. In a good, gripping way. I want more. Because it's a new beginning. Season 1 was like that because it was the beginning, albeit I was more feverish with season 1 and Sides of the Moon was born in the time before season 2 came out to fill that craving for me.

I almost thought I was going to be disappointed by the ending despite how much I had enjoyed myself because it felt like a lot had happened but not a lot happened and I was so used to the pacing of Seasons 1-3, but those seasons were written under the pretense that there might not be 7 seasons. Stuff had to be paced quickly while also making all the developments (plot, character, relationships and otherwise) believable in 9 episodes.

But what ultimately made me feel really rather satisfied with what we got and excited for season 5 was Callum hugging Rayla, in the end, and telling her "I'm glad you came back" because that's what it was leading up to. That's the kind of slowburn grow-back-together dynamic I'd write. I even have been doing it in Sides of the Moon.

That's what Callum's development and their relationship development this season was really leading up to: him just being able to be comfortable around her again, friends with her, being able to openly say that he's happy she's back.

He couldn't do that in their reunion. He's not dealing well. Still not, but that milestone of being able to say: I am happy that you are with me again.

It's not a "I forgive you" or a "We're totally cool and are past everything, including my hurt feelings." It's just him being able to acknowledge her in his life again, that he wants her there, he missed her and he chooses to have her in his life again. That's big for someone who was, frankly, abandoned.

He still loves her. We know that. He knows that, but there's a lot of pain there to heal through first while also trying to save the world and not fall to darkness.

That made this season, among other things, really satisfying. Rayla and Callum's hug, then followed by the group hug. The gang's back together.

This season was a buildup season. It's laying the groundwork for some satisfying payoff later in the series.

Remember: we don't have to wait to see if we're getting more seasons. We know that season 5 has been in development.

Seasons 1-3 were building up to what could have been a series finale. Seasons 4-7 can take a more paced approach and let the characters breathe, let the world breathe, let the lore breathe and it can tell us "Hey, don't worry. We got this."

So, this season said "We're back."

We're back at the start again.

[magess]

Feels Theory

This is not an academic essay. But I’m trying to figure out how some people I know think the end of Supernatural was fitting and good and nothing to complain about and other people I know are so intensely upset and angry that they can’t sleep.

I’m dubbing it Feels Theory (cause it sounds like Field Theory). And it goes something like this: 

For a subset of viewers, the most important thing about an ending is the feelings it evokes in them when they watch it.

The valued feelings are: Sadness, Nostalgia, and Closure.

What they ultimately want is to let go, and this is the formula of feelings that allows for letting go.

I think Sadness may not actually be right. The SPN ending had sadness. But I propose that Happiness or Bittersweetness might also suffice, because what’s really happening there is not the quality of the emotion but the intensity of it. Feeling any of those things intensely is cleansing. You can have a good cry when you’re happy or sad. The point is the catharsis. 

So I’d like to amend that to: Intense Emotion, Nostalgia, Closure.

Nostalgia is actually an incredibly powerful emotion. If you look at JJ Abrams’s body of work, you might be tempted to think it’s the ONLY emotion. His movies are incredibly driven to create a sense of nostalgia in viewers as a means for deriving satisfaction, often at the cost of everything else. Nostalgia is wistful, happy, simple, yearning. It feels good. 

Moreover, it lowers anxiety and loneliness. And as we become more anxious and lonely as a society, the desire for this feeling only increases. https://thriveworks.com/blog/obsessed-nostalgia-psychologists/

Closure.  This seems self-explanatory, but a sense of closure is real. Resolving your feelings is as real in art as it is in other aspects of life. We want to feel like there’s nothing more to say, no more questions to ask, no further developments that we might miss if we look away. A direct quote from a fan post, “I think the thing I love so much about this finale is that it FEELS finished. I remember years ago Jared was talking about how if the boys lived he’d be like, “Well then what are they doing??” and I feel the same way.”

The 15x20 hits all these points.

Intense Emotion: Dean’s death scene, Sam’s mourning

Nostalgia: Pie, the Impala in heaven, Bobby waiting, Harvelle’s Roadhouse, just Sam and Dean, the monster of the week hunt, vampires, clowns

Closure: Dean died the way he thought he would, Sam had a family the way he thought he would, and they both die and go to heaven

What Feels Theory proposes is that it is not the content that matters. Therefore, if one could swap out different plot points but retain the same emotional beats, such an ending would also qualify as “good.” It would satisfy because the viewer would go through the same set of emotions, even though they are evoked by completely different circumstances.

Suppose the finale instead went something like this:

They are standing on the road in front of Jack, the new god. Dean asks if he’s coming back to the bunker and he says no. Dean looks pained and says there’s something he wants to ask. Jack smiles fondly at him and says that he knows and then looks over Dean’s shoulder. Cas says, “Hello, Dean” and Dean turns to see him, overcome with relief. One of several things could happen, ranging on the confirmation of Destiel desire: anything from a hug and a good to have you back to tearful kissing. Sam gets a text from Eileen and asks Jack if he could… Jack snaps his fingers and Sam appears next to Eileen for a tearful reunion of their own. Jack smiles to himself and disappears. 

Time passes.

Dean and Cas build by hand Singer’s Roadhouse. On the day it opens, Sam and Eileen announce they’re going to have twins. They want the rest to be a surprise, but they’re going to name them Charlie and Jo regardless. Sam stops hunting and instead works on reviving the Men and Women of Letters. In the Roadhouse, Dean sets a slice of pie in front of Cas and looks skyward. “You know kid, you can pop by and try some. Your dad’s been practicing.” He gives Cas a fond smile. The phone rings behind him and he turns to a bank of phones labeled CIA, FBI, Animal Control, Park Ranger. He picks up the FBI phone and leans against the bar near Cas, who has set the fork down and watches him seriously. “Hello? Yeah, this is Agent Kripke.” He meets Cas’s gaze. “What can I do you for?”

Such a series of events covers, at least, nostalgia and closure. It brings back names of old characters. It gives Sam a domestic life. It recalls the episode in which Dean ran a bar and was happy. It recalls the Roadhouse itself. It mirrors Bobby being the hub of hunter back-up. It lets Sam focus on intellectual pursuits. And there’s pie.

It covers closure. They have moved on from hunting. They have set up new lives and entered a new era. Jack isn’t going to be throwing new destinies at them. And while it may not be the closure of death, it’s a turning the page on a chapter of their lives.

Intense Emotion could be achieved any number of ways, depending on whether the goal was a full-length episode as a series coda. Perhaps there’s a scene of Dean moving out of the bunker to live someplace closer to the Roadhouse until it’s done. It’s a tearful goodbye while Sam stays behind and Dean takes his few possessions. Or maybe you go the happiness route. In which case, Sam’s babies being born and Dean holding one and smiling and Cas holding one and smiling and them looking at each other a little tearful would also fill that catharsis void. They talk about how they’re going to do things differently than what their dad did.

But the theory is that it’s not the content that ultimately matters if you’re a feels viewer. Anything that evokes nostalgia, closure, and strong cleansing emotion is sufficient for a “good” ending. And you are likely to accept any permutation of events without imagining a different permutation of events as better or correct or proper, because the feels themselves were correct and proper. 

Non-feels viewers, on the other hand, focus on narrative plot points. Their satisfaction is derived from what they feel is a logical progression of plot points and character beats. Whether any of those things evoke nostalgia or closure is less important than whether they see them as congruous. A good ending is one that is congruent. Where do their feels come into this? 

I don’t know. I’m still thinking about it. These viewers have loads of feels for sure, but the issues they raise as the reasons for their unhappiness are all congruency based. The cries are mostly that it “doesn’t make sense” or “ignores the last 10 years” or “leaves out all the character development” and not so much that it lacked intense emotion or a sense of closure. 

Their ability to engage with the emotional content seems contingent upon the congruency requirement. If congruence is broken, that dissonance becomes paramount and takes a place of primacy over whatever the emotional content is trying to evoke. 

Whether this is just a way to weasel around shipping lines, I’m not sure. Maybe? I do know that I’ve seen people I would not call casual viewers fall on the feels side. I’m trying to make sense of how long time fans who have watched every episode can seemingly have not watched the same show at all, as their response to the finale are diametrically opposed. 

Unfortunately, it’s not something one can really test, either. No show gets to end twice. So you can’t have a feels viewer watch two endings to see if both are good. 

[lamelinam]

Why do you love Shigure so much? lol no seriously, recount all the ways in which he is the best trash dad.

LOL

Not so much a trash dad than he is a trash lover.

The reason I love Shigure so much is because of all the ways that he is a bad person clash with all the ways he is a good person. The result makes a character absolutely fascinating to me.

Out of all the characters in Furuba, I think he is one of the most, if not the most, layered (and that’s saying something).

OBVIOUSLY SPOILERS AHEAD!!

Mr. Wisdom, trash dad

His wisdom and his knowledge of the human heart allows him to help people the best way he can. Cue his speeches to Kyo, Yuki and Tohru about dealing with anxiety, loneliness, etc.

He is devilishly clever. He knows people. He has an instinctive knowledge of what makes them tick and he doesn’t hesitate to use it. But he knows how to use his powers and insights into people’s psyche for good. See how he manipulated Hatori and Mayu to get together when he thought the time was right for both of them! Helping Hatori, advising the protagonists, getting Yuki out of the dark room... The man knows what he is doing, and he is voluntarily not very subtle about some of his schemes, so of course he annoys the others.

He is mysterious. The “ripple on the wave” analogy si perfect.

I love the amount of time needed in the story to discover what his goal is, and how much sense it gives the overall story retrospectively. And when you understand that he is. behind. almost. everything.The chess master who invites himself in the game Akito and Ren are playing and completely overtakes the board.

He is generous. I don’t think taking care of teenagers is his cup of tea, but he didn’t hesitate to get three problem children under his roof. He bought Tohru a bed and spoils her as much as he can! And gets everyone on vacation at the wood hut. He’s a good friend to Ayame and Hatori. When Akito got out of control and attacked Kana and Hatori, he rushed into the room to restrain the family head. (“Akito, listen to me!”)

He has a dream, and an unholy amount of patience, stubbornness and determination to see it succeed.  Jacob Chapamn says it the best in his review of the 2x3 episode.

“Fruits Basket has often encouraged us to see Shigure as lazy, but considering that he's been trying to make some mysteriously impossible dream come true since he was a child, maybe this shiftless stinker who spends half his day sleeping is more determined than we thought. It's possible that Shigure's just been "doing the laundry at his feet" in his own way, minimizing his stress and conserving his energy each day so he can gradually chip away at a monumental task.”

And yet, he also knows to trust in fate and the freedom of others (”Que sera, sera”), barely nudging them in the right direction. What’s not to love in this mix of laziness and ruthless will?

But the best thing is that you don’t know if he’s acting out of the goodness of his heart or because it ultimately serves his own objective to help everyone find happiness out of the bonds of the curse.

Why can’t it be both?

A magnificent, self-aware bastard with a ruthless streak

He is just that TYPE, you know. In the cast of Fruits Basket, he stands out like pepper among sweets.

He is patient, conniving, and manipulative, self-aware. He knows what he wants, and is willing to do what it takes to get it. A powerful combination.

He has many faces. There’s the goofy one. He resembles, in a way, the buffoon in classic theatre pieces, who is close to the king, and under cover of jesting is the only one allowed to speak the truth, by riddle or mockery, and get away with it.

There’s the wise persona, filled with good advice and help for his friends and his charges.

But there’s also the piercing gaze, and the malevolent face. There are no true villains in Furuba. Most are victims. Akito is a basket case of fear and rage. Even the old maid is only the embodiment of the institution that produced her. Both are sorely lacking in the department of introspection. Ren is a wailing, grieving wraith clinging to a ghost (In more ways than one does she represent what Akito could have become). Shigure, on the other hand, is the farthest away from being a victim, and the closest to being a villain. He is always in control of himself, and is the only one who knows how to tame his own feelings and his attitude to coldly assess a situation and respond to it. His betrayal of Akito were both in rage and calculation, in full knowledge of causes and consequences, with plans and counter-plans for them. He is the kind of character who never explodes but will play the long game to enact his revenge. That makes him very dangerous indeed, because he is not rainbows and sunshine.

Coldly, he moves the pieces and is willing to risk them. He deliberately endangered Rin when he told Akito of her and Haru’s dating, with the dire consequences we know. He tells Ren about the box, although he couldn’t foresee that Rin would also be the victim.

And when he gets angry, he is CRUEL!!

And I don’t mean the kind of teasing that makes his editor cry. (That is mostly played for laugh.) I mean the kind of cruelty that makes you hurt the people who hurt you. And among the self-sacrificing protagonists or deuteragonists, innocent teenagers afraid that they might be thinking too much about themselves... the meanness of his revenge against Akito is such... an acutely human response to being hurt and cheated on. NOT GOOD, not fine! In fact, a truly malign act that did not have any other purpose than to hurt. But, how can I say... this is what made him, for me, the most REAL of all the cast. All of the characters, layered as Takaya knows to make them, have both good and bad traits. Generally, for the protagonists, a lot of good with a little bit of bad. Shigure is the only one of the main characters whose depths of bad match the heights of his good. Which is one of the reasons I find him such a fantastic character!

He gets neither a core character development neither a comeuppance. Seriously, everyone goes on incredible heroes’ journeys, jumping from one epiphany to the next, moving reunions and relationships and realizations... and he’s the only one who is, funnily enough, “unchanging”. Although he does say that he’s learned to make some compromises... I’d rather Yuki, Kyo or Tohru had punched him once, as Hatori warned him.... Although someone does.

So why does he get so little development? That’s, in a way, because he already thoroughly knows himself. He’s a grown up, but his heart hasn’t changed from the moment he was six and had a beautiful dream.

He is probably the zodiac who has the most self-control, and also the strongest will. Remember that the curse forces the zodiac members to submit to Akito, or else feel a rending pain in their hearts if they go against her wishes or hurt her. Yet, he is the only one, the first one, who is in full rebellion against her. He is Prometheus, or Lucifer in their uprising against the divinity controlling their lives! He’s the only one who doesn’t need the curse to be lifted for his eyes to open to the true natures of the curse and Akito. He sees what is wrong and fake with those bonds, and how Akito is slowly self-destructing from it. Like Lucifer, he is chased from Heavens, and from the recesses of his new dwelling, he gathers allies and plots against his God.

His goal, ultimately, proves to be good, but he is the only character ready to dirty his hands and deal with the unsavoury aspects of slowly unravelling a whole isolation, controlling, abuse-inducing system and pull his loved one out of this mess. He will do what needs to be done, meaning he will manipulate everyone, create conflicts and confrontations, force the other characters’ development, even if it hurts them, even if it hurts the one he loves, no matter the collaterals. (I would argue in his defence that undoing a centuries-old curse that is supposed to represent abusive and unhealthy relationships couldn’t be done without heartbreaks and tears).

He is a character who is extremely clever. A good one at heart (his affection for Hatori and the spot of light that is Shiki Sohma are proof of that) but under his goofy exterior, his intelligence and manipulative streak would probably have made him a distant, cold person if he hadn’t had that dream and that goal early on as a child.

The love story (give it all to me!!!)

He is both Akito’s main antagonist and her love interest, and god, do I love Childhood sweethearts to Lovers to Enemies to Lovers trope.

I am a romantic. And as such, I’d die for any love story that has the characters be the sort who would die for each other. However (twist)... I’d die for the two people who would die for each other but are stuck in this unhealthy cycle of ripping each other apart. Yep, I like messy relationships, albeit with a happy ending. Simply put, I believe that no matter how much we might wish otherwise, passion by itself might not always be pure. Love is not always healthy. Jealousy, resentment, anger, lies, find a way to drip their poison into love. Which is why I am attracted to those stories that have the protagonists macerating in this messy hot pot of issues that they cooked for themselves, and yet somehow find their way out.

Akito and Shigure are older than our main characters. They are not pure (arguable with Akito, as Tohru will argue). The chaste kiss they shared as kids has long given way to more passionate ones and a physical relationship. Theirs is far from the innocence of teenage first love. They are adults with heavy baggage: they were in a relationship, they cheated on each other, they exacted revenge on each other, in the pettiest ways they could think. They verbally tear each other apart, Akito out of hot fury and hurt, Shigure out of coldly served revenge.

And because this is the only way he knows how to help her.

He wants to break the curse because he wants his bond with Akito to be recognized as real. Does he do that out of jealousy? Certainly, in the way that love is naturally jealous and selfish. It’s not as if he wants to isolate her and keep her for himself, except romantically. He’s more than happy she’s friend with Tohru & later Saki and Mine. And there isn’t any evidence that he wasn’t fine with Akito’s bond with the other zodiacs... until Akito slept with Kureno. Very probably, he was her only partner at the time, and he thought they would have a normal, meaning exclusive, romantic relationship. Akito thought differently (”I am free to treat the zodiac members as I see fit!”), and he realized their feelings for each other wasn’t enough to keep her for himself, again, romantically speaking. He realized everything that was wrong with the curse, and with a partner who thinks of herself as “God”. And now that I think about it, isn’t the curse a deconstruction of the harem trope? It shows the darkness and jealousy that would arose from a situation where someone is ”born to be loved by all” and is willing to test that privilege. No matter that it’s not love, but insecurity and pity that gathers them in bed.

At the time, Shigure didn’t know that Akito didn’t sleep with Kureno out of affection, but out of fear of being abandoned, just that she would choose a fake bond over a true one. At the time, he reacted as a spurned lover, and did the one thing he thought would hurt her as much as she hurt him. From this point onward, he viewed her as an antagonist. He left. He started playing against her an elaborate game of chess in the hope of destroying the fake love of the zodiacs. So she could fall back in his arms. Very selfish, yes, but also the best thing he could have done for her.

Remember when I wondered why it was that Shigure’s eyes were open before anyone to the true nature of the curse? Why he was the only one able to rebel against God? I think that’s because his feelings for Akito were stronger than those of the spirit of the Dog for God. His own love, his flawed, selfish and possessive, deeply human love, overwhelmed and crushed the submissive love of the Dog for God. He saw Akito as herself, and because of that, he is the only one who treated Akito as human, not as a divinity. While the others bowed their heads and accepted her abuse, in a way enabling her violence, he didn’t give her a free pass. I’m not saying that the way he did it was right, but his tit-for-tat way to show Akito that he wouldn’t take a hit like a good little pet, like Kureno or Hatori, was a way to reject the divine in Akito. He wanted to be her equal.

As such, him being a manipulating bastard, playing with everyone, carefully laying his pieces on the board, makes him a de facto God (I saw another post on Shigure as a God-like figure, but I don’t remember where). It’s his way of staring at Akito right in the eyes, saying, “I see you as you are. I won’t bow. I won’t leave.” Which makes him the only one who could be with her at the end.

And it is very subtle, but Shigure’s attitude towards Akito does change after Kureno’s phone call. Until then, there was something bitter and malicious in the way he taunted her (”Tohru is a much better person than you are.” , “One of us will be sorry in the end and it won’t be me.” , “It’s time you reaped out what you sowed.”)... Afterwards, the paper flower is like an offer of reconciliation. And, there’s chapter 101 of course, when their confrontation leads to the bodice tie-ripping. But from then on, even though he says quite clearly that he is not “kind”, that he won’t indulge her the way Kureno and Hatori do, he is kinder. The only thing is that he refuses to offer her is the same kind of indulgence that the zodiac members give her, the kind that either pities her or treats her as something above them. An unhealthy combination that allows her to get away with anything, even abuse. Shigure’s relationship with her is almost an inversion of courtly love. Instead of being her faithful servant, he challenges her world-view, in a way that Akito finds antagonistic. But he tries to stir her towards a better place.

That’s him trying to help her. But Akito doesn’t see it this way. Instead, she thinks he is cold and harsh, when he offers her something different, and true.

That’s when his wisdom comes into play. Self-aware as he is, he realizes that he is not equipped with the tools to heal her. That’s another of the reasons he left the main house and implicated other people. Only someone like Tohru, someone outside of the Zodiac curse, could offer her the reassurances she needed. Shigure wants Akito. But he wants to save her too, by helping her accept the truth that she rejects and Tohru struggles with.

Time passes and moves on, as do people and emotions, leaving you behind.

I used to say that it is lucky, very lucky indeed, that his inherently selfish end goal aligned itself with the greater good. But that’s forgetting that his goal was good in itself: Shigure didn’t just want Akito as a partner. He wanted her healed and whole, happy and free. That wasn’t compatible with the curse. And it served his peace of mind to have everyone else happy. Deep down, although he is the kind who dabbles in it when he’s hurt, he is not the kind of person who rejoices in cruelty and darkness, just another man, however flawed, reaching for a light that would shine for all.

So, why do I love Shigure Sohma? This master mind who planned the unravelling of the curse over years of plotting, who trusts in fate while giving it a nudge, who is behind the whole plot of Furuba? This unholy mix of charm, laziness and ruthless determination, generosity and patience, self-awareness, pettiness and guilt? The “trash dad" who, although he benefited from it, provided a roof to three fragile teenagers in need and helped them become stronger? This man cursed by human failings, drowning in sins, yet whose heart is still dreaming, still reaching toward the holiest ideal of love? This Luciferian figure who gently caught his fallen goddess and stood by her side to explore with her the beauty of truly living?

"The only thing worth writing is the human heart in conflict with itself."

William Faulkner

I love Shigure’s contradictions, his complexity, his depths, the contrast between the purity and the selfishness of his goal, the oscillations of his means between depravity and virtue, the fact that he did it all for love. Those reasons might not make him the best person, but they make him a very human and real character in my eyes. And frankly, that’s what I want in fiction.

[holycafe]

I've talked about how I have chosen to be happy with Supernatural regardless of how it ended, but now I'm going to explain why.

You see, I've been through this before with another fandom. Where one half of my otp unnecessary sacrificed himself in a move that left so much unsaid between him and the other characters. Where they've taunted and teased him coming back from the dead, using him as bait for a ratings hike without ever delivering. (The worst one of those baits was when they brought in another version of him from another world, one where he was canonically gay and married. But then they ultimately killed that version off too before rewriting the universe to make it so he never even existed...)

I've been through years of very literal pain and grief where I couldn't even think of the show without being filled with rage. I've been bitter and heartbroken for four years.

But I finally let go off that a few months ago. Not because the show got any better, not because I've moved on, but because I was fed up of feel so heartbroken. I made the choice to be happy. It was a difficult road to take, but it truly was for the best. My heart no longer feels heavy and searing hot whenever I think about him. I feel... lighter. Happy. The show made some terrible decisions, but I'm not letting those destroy me anymore.

So like hell am I going to throw myself back into that pit because of Supernatural. There were so many flaws with that finale, and the fact that they revived Cas off-screen and didn't show his reunion with any of the characters was certainly one of the most disappointing parts.

But you know what? He's with his family, with his son. He helped Jack to create the paradise from his vision back in season 12. And he will see the others again. Perhaps he might even choose to stay with Dean in heaven for eternity - once Dean actually gets his head out of his ass and confesses, that is (we all saw that smile. We all know what that means, even if the writers didn't explicitly say it, we know Dean returns those feelings).

The writers screwed up big time. But Cas' ending was canonically a happy one, filled with love and hope, even if we didn't get to see it played out on-screen. It's a blank page yet to be written, and isn't that what this whole season has been about? Writing your own story? Isn't it kind of fitting that Cas' love for Dean - the one thing that God canonically couldn't control - is the part of the story that is still continuing?

I wish we'd gotten that on-screen confession from Dean, I wish we'd gotten that representation. We didn't. But that confession from Cas in 15x18 is still canon, and its so much more than I ever thought the show would give us.

I choose to focus on that and the fact that Cas is alive and happy rather than anything else. And I understand if you guys don't want to do that, or if you simply can't. But if you can... trust me, it's so much better than letting this show drag you down into the Empty.

[lexosaurus]

I just found your blog and I unfortunately have little to no knowledge of Danny Phantom. Could you please explain it to me in your own way?

A DANNY PHANTOM SYNOPSIS: BY TUNGLR USER LEXX

Ok so Danny Phantom (2004-2007) is essentially a Nickelodeon show with great plot potential, awesome lore, and a subpar execution. It was conceptualized and produced by Butch Hartman (aka “Elmer” and “Birch Tree Fartman” by phandom people), who came up with other classics like Fairly Oddparents and Tuff Puppy. 

The thing about Elmer, which I think most people can agree on, is he’s pretty good at coming up with children’s cartoon ideas. But his style of “happy-go-lucky” #familyfriendly goofball characters type of worldbuilding skills just didn’t fit Danny Phantom. Combine that with his general narcissism and inability to admit any wrongdoings, and Danny Phantom was essentially doomed to fail in the worst way possible. Which it absolutely did.

The show itself is about this dweeb here, Danny Fenton. Danny is an unremarkably average fourteen year old who lives with his crazy (yet loving) scientist parents Maddie and Jack Fenton, and his older A-student sister, Jazz Fenton. His parents are shown to be incredibly bright, but not very detail-oriented and a bit misguided at times. So when they built an inter-dimensional portal to The Ghost Zone in their lab basement, it…didn’t work. 

Yeah, it turns out they put the on switch on the inside of the machine. So when Danny was fucking around in the lab with his two friends, techno-geek Tucker Foley and vegan goth Sam Manson, he accidentally pressed switch in the portal and ZAP he fucking died. Uh…half died.

He wasn’t a ghost, but he also wasn’t a human anymore. He turned into something in between. He couldn’t tell his parents, because his parents actively hunt-to-maim-and-dissect ghosts for the sake of science, and he couldn’t tell any other adult in his life because the government set up a ghost-hunting division specifically to conduct painful experiments on ghosts. So he and his two friends had to keep it secret.

And not only that, but when the portal turned on it turned on, so ghosts from the GZ started coming into the human world and treating it like their playground.

Each episode (or sometimes two) revolves around Danny learning to fight and ultimately defeating a different ghosts. Some ghosts are funny, some are kinda badass, some are super sadistic, and a bunch of them appear more than once in the show. 

The thing is, these ghosts have had years of learning about their powers and developing their skills, while Danny was pretty much zapped and then like immediately was thrown into the fire as his town’s first and last line of defense. So, unlike other teen super hero shows where the heroes are skilled from the start, Danny sucks at being a hero.

Like, really fucking sucks.

This ghost here is Vlad Plasmius, who is also a half ghost like Danny. He was friends with Jack and Maddie in college, and was zapped by a proto-portal the three of them build together. Except, Jack got some of the calculations wrong and so the portal pretty much exploded upon activation. Right onto Vlad’s face. After Vlad left the hospital, he used his ghost powers to steal money and become a billionaire business tycoon.

To sum up Vlad’s character: He wants to kill Jack and actively tries to do so throughout the series, he wants to marry Maddie who he had a crush on in college, he wants to adopt Danny so he can teach him how to use his new powers the way Vlad thinks he should. Danny fucking hates Vlad’s guts, and tells him so constantly. Vlad beats the shit out of him in return.

So, Danny. A disaster child. A smol protector. The show itself started off pretty strong, and Season 1 and 2 were both filled with some great episodes. Some of my personal favorites include “Bitter Reunions,” "My Brother’s Keeper", "Shades of Gray", and “Reign Storm.” But when you get into Season 3, that’s when it gets dicey. I won’t get into it too much, but a bunch of shit went down between Elmer and Nickelodeon and the show ended up getting a hasty finale (”Phantom Planet”) that we all pretend never happened.

So now, the phandom. Because if you’re gonna talk about the show, you have to also talk about the phandom.

The show didn’t last long, and of the 53 episodes, maybe 20 of those are actually enjoyable to watch as an adult. But the show had sooooo much potential. And so many people, myself included, have recognized this. Which is why the phandom has stayed alive for so long.

You want fics? We got fics. You want art? The tags are filled with it.  You want events? We have several. You want more plot points and characters that are so cemented in phanon that they might as well be canon? Oh boi, we have that too.

The phandom took this concept, the lore, the characters, and fucking ran with it so hard that now we have people entering the phandom before they’ve even watched the show. Like, for real. Do you know how cool that is? Like, how many other fandoms have people consistently producing dope content for a show they’ve literally never seen? Fucking amazing!

And THAT, my friends, is the full synopsis of Danny Phantom. 

Hope you enjoyed!

[mwolf0epsilon]

Howbout a story where everyone is out of the studio and they get to go back to their families?

Summary: Recovery is hard when you feel disconnected from the world around you.

---

[[MORE]]

In total, Henry had spent an entire 5 years stuck inside the seemingly never-ending loop that Joey had designated as the Cycle. It was absolutely surreal to the old cartoonist, reading his ex-childhood friend turned tormentor's notes and studies on the subject matter. The neat cursive detailing mad ramblings that could pass off as the musings of an overzealous researcher observing terrified mice in a booby-trapped maze. Studying their patterns, the subsequent changes of them upon additional stimuli being added to their environment, and other insane practices that completely threw morality out of the proverbial window.

Each beginning and ending of a year, another marked failure upon a calendar oversaturated by Joey Drew's overwhelming lack of satisfaction.

Even so, as much as it ached to think about lost time, 5 years wasn't much compared to what everyone else had to endure. 20 years of inky hell were nothing to shrug about, and Henry wasn't planning on just throwing everyone out into the streets to fend for themselves.

The house so close to the mountains, an inheritance he'd never really thought would come in handy, was the only reprive these shells of people had ever had in the span of two decades full of torment. His attention the only positive social interaction that they could recall with their broken minds.

Their recovery was not his responsibility, but he felt that he owed it to them regardless of the fact. Joey's descent was entirely on the man (his heinous crimes as well), but it didn't sit well with Henry to just not do anything to help fix some of the damages of the world.

And god if it didn't fill him with hope when he watched them slowly go into the road of recovery. People on the mend, shedding their old skins to become less the product of a cruel fiddler's ambitions, and more of their old selves, albeit newer in certain aspects.

The angels remained so, with little nubby horns and skin papery white. Tired eyes of sepia toned yellows, and scars from horrors he couldn't hope to understand. That he'd seen mere shadows of while briefly imprisoned himself.

Sammy fluctuated, stuck in a cycle of trying to find himself now that he felt like he was neither Samuel Lawrence Jr, nor the Prophet that worshipped the Ink Demon. Sometimes more close to human, other times coated in thick tarry skin that reflected oddly in the light. The closest he got to his old self was very close to the truth, but his once curly blond locks were now a messy tangle of raven curls that made him look so much paler than he should be. His teeth were sharp, his eyes far too yellow, and he refused to walk around barefoot even while indoors.

Tom and Buddy were still hound-like cartoon wolves, although now the feeling of fuzz was less a tactile illusion and more of a reality. Thick winter coats and soft summer furs. The shedding was absurd, but at least if they were spotted during the day they could pass off as very big dogs just frolicking in the woods. The same could not be said for the Searchers, Lost Ones and other cartoon characters that were slowly transitioning into less revolting forms. Jack had recently become a Lost One, consistent enough to wear clothing, but still having a hard time grasping speech.

Shawn too had passed onto the Lost One phase, but his tremendous size as the largest searcher with a mighty fine top hat, had followed him into his transition. He was over 9 feet tall and (albeit more wordy than most others of his kind) surprisingly bothered by his new height. Finding clothes that fit him would be a terrible pain.

Bertrum, Lacie and Norman were a difficult topic. Their mechanical parts had ensured their forms were stable and static. They couldn't become more human in appearence, and that in turn hindered their psychological recovery considerably. Still they were fighting that uphill battle, even if very slowly.

20 whole years of suffering, and still here they were, defying Joey Drew by getting to a point where they could begin to believe they were people again.

Henry Stein couldn't be prouder.

-

A lot of the crew had little to no remaining family. It was somewhat devastating to both him and Linda, as they poured their all into locating the studio employees's living relatives, only to find obituaries and tracks leading absolutely nowhere.

Buddy's case hurt the most, seeing the kid so heartbroken standing over his families's graves and his own empty one, had certainly put things into perspective. Illness had taken his mother just shy of a year of their escape... It wasn't fair.

Susie was much the same, crying thick tears as she left flowers on her poor mama's grave. She prayed her last years had been full of kindness despite her daughter having all but vanished into thin air.

Contacting the Pendles took a few days, and Tom refused to contact any of his own relatives, as he hadn't had that good of a relationship with his extended family to begin with. The only people that ever mattered were dead well before the machine had been built. Henry found that to be an overall theme for nearly everyone, really.

Joey Drew Studios had been built upon the hardships of social outcasts and dreamers. Joey's preferred prey had been those he deemed easily manipulated. People that wouldn't be missed too terribly.

The two largest exceptions being Sammy and Norman, and even then the both of them were not easy cases when it came to family reunions.

Henry had no idea where to look for Sammy's sister, as he couldn't find records of an Abigail Marie Lawrence after a certain amount of years (perhaps she'd married and taken on her husband's name?), and Norman... Well... The Projectionist didn't like strangers.

That alone made Norman exceedingly opposed to seeking anyone out. He was scared that he might have an "episode" and bring harm to whatever family member was out there missing him. A painful choice, as the want for home was clear in his gestures, his signed words, his dreams...

Henry would just have to focus on those that could be brought back home. For now at least.

-

The day Jack's face returned to him was the very same one where he saw his husband for the first time in two decades.

He'd been a complete jitterbug, fearful that his lovely hat and wedding ring wouldn't be enough for his beloved to recognize him. Lost Ones were people shaped but still very unnatural to look upon, even if Jack's form was considerably less emaciated and his words were slowly returning to him.

Nearly chickened out too, once an older gentleman was welcomed inside and briefly spoken to by Henry. Theo had come knowing Jack wasn't completely the same, but there was no revulsion, no regrets in getting his hopes up.

Just from body language alone, Theo had seen his husband in the round figure with sad glowing eyes and a battered bowler hat that still smelled mildly of sewage. Everyone had practically melted with delight as both held each other and cried happy tears at being reunited.

And then the ink of Jack's face began to melt off. Sepia skin and dark inky eyes, a round face framed by poofy locks. Peace of mind had let the biggest wounds heal. His voice was still not completely back, but both he and Theo had always held silent conversations. This wasn't an issue.

Saying goodbye was hard, but it gave everyone hope. If Jack who'd been something as mindless as a Searcher, could heal and move on, then nothing was stopping anyone else from living their best lives as well.

The will to live was further renewed.

-

Linda ends up being the one to ultimately find Sammy's younger sister. To their surprise, it brings a slice of the Polk family right to them as well.

Abigail Marie Lawrence was only such by blood. By name, she was now a Polk herself.

Married to Nelson, one of Norman's many nephews, and a childhood friend of hers.

Together they had a son. A tired looking young man with an uncanny resemblance to his uncle of all things. Mostly in the eyes. The hazel coloration that Sammy and Abby once shared had passed on to Lucian Polk.

Meeting them was... Awkward.

And very heated.

20 years of unexpected separation had brought up a lot of turmoils that neither knew how to deal with. In the end Linda and Henry had to separate the screaming pair, enough so that both hot-headed folk could cool down and then rush back to hug each other tightly and cry. Regretful and remorseful words spilling out with the tears and snot.

Overall, not something Henry ever wanted to get caught up in ever again. The Lawrence children were a little too intense for his taste.

When asked about Norman however... Well... Henry would have rather been stuck between a screaming match than be forced to explain about the Projectionist...

Avoidance brought him questioning looks, but a simple nod and a look that silenced any further questions. Nelson Polk was a gracious man that accepted when others needed time to themselves. He was only a brute by appearence after all.

He'd stated calmly that if Norman ever felt ready, he'd be welcomed with open arms regardless of whatever twisted form he may have taken on.

Layer that same day, Sammy told Henry that upon being told this, the Projectionist seemed happier in some way.

-

Recovery is hard when you feel disconnected from the world around you. For a long while, Henry feared that the gap between the years of their freedom, imprisonment, and subsequent rescue, would prove too much for everyone who'd become an inky abomination.

Was he ever so glad to be mistaken.

While there were many bumps on the proverbial road, and many a trial to face, everyone was thriving. Getting used to a world that was alien to them in some ways, but full of possibilities for them to explore.

Some were greatly limited by their conditions, but they too were managing.

Lacie had been steadily repaired and updated with her and Tom's combined efforts, and together they'd eventually figured out how to give Bertrum a better quality of life, through slowly converting his amusement ride body into something of a spider-like mobile unit. A little frightening at first, but progress towards constructing him an animatronic body perhaps? The world was their oyster. Their terrifying mechanical oyster.

Sammy's human form had eventually stabilized to where he only became his inky self when at his very limit, and Norman's mental faculties had return to a point where he finally felt safe reuniting with his family. They were initially quite horrified by the state of him, but didn't reject him. Merely fretted that he may be in pain.

His wife had long since remarried, but that wasn't much of an issue for him. Norman liked her new wife, she was everything the mother of his children deserved! And he'd thanked her as best he could for looking after his little ones when he couldn't.

Through a lot of home-schooling (bless Linda for being an excellent teacher), Buddy had finished the studies he'd abandoned to provide for his family. While he couldn't exactly get a job, it felt good to accomplish a goal he'd thought impossible.

He became a bit of an honorary Stein once Linda and the girls took a shine to him. It hurt that he couldn't live with them back in the city, but he liked the freedom the woodland location gave him. He was a wolf after all, even if at heart he was a young lad full of artistic ambition.

Susie and Allison were the easiest to rehabilitate in the end. They fought their demons and they came to terms with who they were. While Susie still had a few issues with her image and identity, she was doing formidably well in the writing industry.

Disguising her tale as a story of fiction as a means to vent, had sparked a talent she'd never thought she had.

Allison in turn took up the chore of making their home self-sustaining. Gardening, water filtration, the works. She processed her pain and grief through hard work and physical activities. Then when she was satisfied, she'd sit under the stars and reflect.

Many times she was joined by others who found the stars to be great listeners to their own plights. The company felt comfortable.

It felt good to trust again. Felt even better when a certain wolf sat besides her and admire the expanses of their freedom right beside her.

Yes, Henry Stein was truly proud of everyone's progress. He was glad he'd stuck around to witness it.

[fantasyoverreality98]

Fight the Darkness Pt. 10

Masterlist

Pairing: Gaius x MC

Summary: Stuck on a destroyed Mydiea, Amy and Gaius make plans for what to do once they return to Greece.

Author’s Note: Sexual content warning. That’s all I have to say. No other words needed. Also, sorry for any potential typos or grammatical errors.

Word Count: 4,339

-----

Death had never felt so good.

It was dark, quiet, and…damp?

Amy shot up, gasping as she scrambled to her feet. Pain shot through her leg, and she fell back to the ground, wincing.

“Oh, thank god.” Gaius sat a few feet away, his hair disheveled. “I had no idea whether you would ever wake up.”

“Where are we?” She studied their surroundings, frowning when she noticed the small stream running alongside her, its water black.

He sighed, averting his gaze when she looked back at him. “We’re in a cave. And we’re still on Mydiea.”

She should be dead. She had been ready to accept her fate.

Now, she didn’t know what to do.

“I’m so sorry,” Amy said, remembering the way she had behaved. “I should have told you the second I felt like I was losing control.”

“How are you feeling now?” His muscles were tensed.

He was afraid of her.

The sound of the stream filled in the silence while she tried to think of what to say. Finally, she cleared her throat, a genuine smile tugging at her lips. “I feel nothing. No voice, no darkness, no power. It’s quiet.”

Her laugh echoed off the cave walls. For so long, there had always been a presence lingering, following her everywhere she went. Now, all she felt was the blissful silence of being completely alone. There was only one voice now. Her own.

This relief was temporary. Once Amy remembered what she’d done, how many lives she had claimed, shame washed over her. Hundreds were dead. And it was all her fault.

“How do you live with the guilt?” she asked, wishing Gaius would look at her.

He stared at the cave floor, the blade of his sword scraping against the rock as he dragged it in small patterns. “Eventually, you get used to it. You accept that there’s no way to take your actions back. And you just hope you can redeem yourself someday.”

“I’m not sure I’ll ever feel like I’ve redeemed myself.”

His lips twitched, and he finally met her eyes. “Join the club.”

Amy looked back at the stream, frowning at the color of the water. “How did we get here?”

“I had to carry you in here before the sun killed us both.” Gaius set his sword down, staring at a spot near her head. “Are you sure you’re feeling okay?”

“Yeah…” She slowly rose to her feet again, the leg no longer hurting. “But I don’t think we can just go back to pretending nothing happened. People are going to start looking for me.”

The text from Adrian rose to the surface of her thoughts, and Amy grimaced. Her friends were coming for her, whether she liked it or not. And they would not be happy when they learned about what she’d done. They already knew who she was with, which would just make things even worse.

She realized that this would likely be goodbye. After they escaped Mydiea, she and Gaius would have to go their separate ways. “Where are you going to go next?” she asked, clenching her hands into fists.

“Considering we somehow managed to survive, I think we should go to Russia.”

“We?” Hope swelled in her chest.

Gaius looked at her again, his expression softening. “Didn’t I tell you this was never about being the hero?”

“Well, you kinda were the hero, whether you like it or not.”

He was clearly trying to maintain a serious expression, but ultimately failed. As he rolled his eyes, his lips pulled back into a grin. Gaius got to his feet, closing the distance between them. “As I said before, you are absolutely insufferable.”

“And yet, here you are. Still here.” Her voice was a whisper, the memory of him saying he loved her burned into her mind.

The horrors she had committed were forgotten for a moment as Gaius pulled her to him. “Because you are also irresistible.”

She smiled, running her hands up the back of his neck into his hair, pulling his face down to meet hers.

Somehow, in this moment, she felt like everything was going to be okay.

They pulled away after a minute, and Amy turned to walk toward the cave entrance, stopping just out of the sunlight’s reach. When she saw what the island looked like, her steps faltered, and a quiet gasp slipped past her lips.

All signs of life on the island were gone, leaving behind little more than destruction. The houses that had been built were gone, the trees growing around them blackened and strewn around the ground.

The once crystal blue waters were now black around the island, changing back to the original color in the distance. Amy stepped back into the cave, unsure what to say or do. She had destroyed Mydiea.

“How do we get back to the mainland?” Her voice bounced off the walls, and she turned back to Gaius. “Is there a way?”

He sighed, his shoulders slumping. “I have no clue. The boat might still be there, but I feel that is little more than wishful thinking.”

Amy swore under her breath, walking deeper into the cave, squatting beside the stream. A smell unlike anything she’d ever encountered before hung in the air. It was as if whatever darkness, whatever evil had been inside her for so long, had destroyed the land.

Once, she had felt the constant confliction between good and evil. Now, she wasn’t sure how to feel. She couldn’t say she was good, but she wanted to believe that she wasn’t evil, either.

“How long was I unconscious for?” She started to reach for the water, but pulled her hand back, an instinct warning her that this was no ordinary stream anymore.

Gaius leaned against the cave wall a few feet away, arms crossed over his chest. “Half of the day, at least. The sun will probably set in a couple hours.” He eyed her ripped clothing. “I didn’t think we would make it in here in time.”

“Why didn’t you just let me die?” She knew that the question had been a mistake when he stared at her. “I did so many horrible things. So many people died because of me.”

“It amazes me how often you seem to forget about my past. I am not exactly an upstanding person.”

Amy sighed, wishing he would just tell her that she should feel bad. It would be better than trying to make excuses for her sins. Death was supposed to be the way this had ended. She had been ready for it, had wanted it, and instead she would have to continue living with a new weight upon her back.

“That still doesn’t answer my question,” she said, her fingers once more hovering inches away from the blackened water. “You could have just left me there.”

But there was no need for him to answer. They both knew why he had saved her, and she wasn’t ready to have that conversation yet. There was still time for him to change his mind. A few days together wasn’t enough time to make the decision to stay. She had always known the time would come for this little journey to end.

“I guess the idea of living in a world without you made me a bit sad.” There was some of the old, sarcastic Gaius in the comment, and Amy fought back a smile.

It would take a long time for things to return to normal. Perhaps they never could go back to the way they had been, but she had to admit she missed seeing this side of him.

She remembered their reunion, and turned her head back to look at him. “Now you understand the reason why I spared your life. It seemed just a tiny bit of a waste to kill you.”

“Nice to see that you’re back to making those terrible jokes.” He shook his head, his lips quirked up in a smirk. “It would be a shame if I never heard one again.”

Amy finally gathered up the courage to touch the water, and immediately withdrew her hand when she felt the evil that lurked beneath the surface, that seemed to be intertwined with the island itself. Whatever she’d done to rid herself of the power had not destroyed it forever. It still existed outside of her body.

Suddenly, the island felt unsafe. She feared that staying here too long would not be good. Trying to hide the fear, she rose to her full height and walked past Gaius, back toward the cave entrance.

The air felt heavier than before, reminding her of the Death Island they’d visited when trying to defeat Rheya. Something evil lingered here, and Amy wanted to get far, far away.

“Do you think anyone survived?” A large part of her already knew the answer, but the smallest part wanted to believe otherwise.

Gaius took a place by her side, shaking his head. When their eyes met, he frowned, reaching up to brush his fingers across her face. “We both know the answer to that question already.”

“What about everywhere else?”

He sighed, stroking her cheek with his thumb. “I haven’t the slightest clue.”

“Are you sure you want to stick around and deal with the aftermath? It might just make you look even worse.” Amy felt the guilt wash over her at the idea of hindering Gaius’ mission to redeem himself.

Why had she dragged him into this mess?

“There is nothing else I’d rather do for the next thousand years.”

A smile slowly spread across her face, and she tried to think of how to respond to that. After a moment of silence, Amy pulled him closer. “Are you sure spending a thousand years with me won’t make you regret choosing to save me? I can be quite annoying.”

“I think I can manage.” He leaned down to kiss her, and all she wanted to do was forget about everything but this brief moment of bliss.

It was strange, laughable, to think of the circumstances. She’d fallen in love with the one person she never, ever should have. Gaius had done horrible things. He had killed her. And countless others. The list of his wrongdoings went on and on, and yet…

Amy held his face in her hands, kissing him harder. Now would be the perfect moment to say those three words. They had survived, and he had told her to wait to say it, but now she found it difficult to admit the way she felt.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered against his lips, thinking about what she had almost done.

Gaius shook his head, pulling her body closer to his. “Don’t apologize. You weren’t yourself.”

“But I was.” Her actions weren’t excusable. She knew that, deep down, she had been drawn to the pull of power, to the darker instincts within. “It’s like you said. I was still myself. I had several bad days.”

He sighed, studying her face without a word. Amy thought about all she had done, of the bloodbath that likely remained in a vampire club not too far away. People would hunt her down. Of that, she was certain.

“I can’t believe I was going to change you again. After I knew what those years of being trapped did to you.” Amy tried to pull away, but Gaius continued to hold her. She shook her head, still wishing the sun had finished her off. “Don’t try to make excuses for me. It was wrong.”

“I am not making excuses for you. As someone who spent thousands of years making the wrong decisions, I can understand. You did horrible things, but you are not beyond redemption.”

She almost wanted to laugh at where they were now. “I guess we have one more thing in common now, at least.”

Using humor to deflect from the guilt she felt would only work for so long, but Amy didn’t care. She couldn’t afford to think about it right now. Not with the knowledge that just beyond this cave, the world was in rot and decay. Mydiea might never be inhabitable again.

“You think there’s still room for me on your journey to redemption?” Amy knew that her friends would eventually find her, but she had no intention of going back. It was too late for that.

Gaius glanced at the world beyond the cave, and a muscle in his jaw twitched. “My opinion hasn’t changed. I still believe that you are too good for me. It would probably be best for you to return to Adrian and Kamilah.”

She reached up for his face, forcing him to turn his head back to her. “I am not too good for you. You are the only one who understands me. I choose you.”

He took a shaky breath, closing his eyes as he rested his forehead against hers. “Are you sure?”

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. I love you, Gaius Augustine.”

When they kissed, she finally felt complete. The hole that Jax’s death had left no longer felt so big. Amy couldn’t stop herself from crying, the tears traveling down her face as she held Gaius in her arms.

Slowly, their kisses grew more desperate, and Gaius slid his hands under her shirt. They were cold, the damp cave causing a chill in the air, but Amy didn’t care. She wanted him. She needed him.

“Amy…” Gaius’ throat bobbed as she stepped back to unstrap the katana from her back, letting it fall to the ground. “I—”

With a smile, she placed a finger over his lips, shaking her head. “We still have time before the sun sets, and I really don’t want to spend the next few hours overthinking every single thing that’s happened.”

He nodded, placing his hands back on her body. The cold that hung in the air sent shivers down her spine, but she savored the feel of his hands on her bare skin as he slowly undressed her.

Once they’d finished ridding each other of their clothes, they began to kiss again. They took a few steps back, and Amy gasped when the freezing cave wall pressed against her back. With a quiet chuckle, Gaius pulled her away, his hands at the small of her back.

“Do you want to stop?” He gently bit her neck, running his fingers along the curve of her waist. “Now seems like an odd time to do this.”

She shook her head, trying to control her breathing. “Don’t stop. This is the realest I’ve felt in days.”

The sound of the stream still echoed in the cave, accompanied by the occasional gasp as they focused on each other.

A splash echoed in the distance outside the cave, and the island itself seemed to be falling apart. Gaius turned his head in the direction the sound had come from, but Amy pulled his lips back to hers, their bodies flush against each other.

If this was how they would spend their last few hours, she wouldn’t have it any other way. She hadn’t expected to leave the island anyway. The cave could collapse on them, and she wasn’t entirely sure she would care.

“I need this,” she said, running her hands down his chest. His muscles tensed the lower she went, and Amy bit her bottom lip, locking eyes with him.

Memories of their night together on the boat flashed through her head. In that moment, it had been all about satisfying a physical attraction. Even the other times they had had sex before focused largely on a need for release.

This time felt different.

Gaius breathed heavily when she wrapped her hand around his shaft, capturing her lips with his as she began to move. “Amy.” Hearing her name in that breathy tone made her feel more than any touch ever could.

He groaned as she picked up her pace, digging his fingers into her hips. They stumbled backward, her back hitting the cold cave wall again. Ignoring the chill that went through her, Amy tugged him closer, moaning when her tongue grazed his teeth and he kissed her harder.

One of his hands traveled between her legs, their restrained gasps filling the air as they drove each other to the edge. When she felt like she was about to finish, Amy buried her hands in Gaius’ hair, bucking her hips toward him as she finally reached orgasm. A breathy laugh slipped past her lips when he pulled back to look at her, grinning.

“God, you drive me wild.” His hair fell in his face, and she pushed it back, her heart still racing.

“Mm, seriously, I think you need to get a haircut.” She weaved her fingers through the dark strands, cutting off his response with her lips.

Amy broke off the kiss after a minute, sucking her bottom lip between her teeth as she moved to kneel in front of him. He tangled his hands in her hair as she tilted her head back to make eye contact with him, trying her best not to smirk.

Breathy curses bounced off the cave walls as she took him into her mouth, and Gaius groaned quietly. He let her continue a few minutes longer before pulling her to her feet, holding her in his arms.

“I look forward to many more moments like this,” he whispered in her ear, his cool breath making her shiver.

Amy felt her stomach clench, the anticipation enough to make her knees weak. She closed her eyes and leaned against the cave wall as Gaius focused his attention on her chest. Those three words she’d finally gathered up the courage to say played on a loop in her head, heat rushing to her face in a mixture of shame and desire.

When he grabbed one of her legs and brought it up against his hip, her eyes fluttered open. For the first time in twenty-four years, there was no voice in her head. She could truly enjoy the moment without worrying about losing control.

“Gaius.” His name was her new favorite word. She kept repeating it as he slowly pushed inside, mouthing it as he started to move.

Once they left this island, there was no telling what might happen. They could find themselves face to face with death the moment their feet hit the mainland.

Darkness still existed here, lingering in the shadows as the island slowly succumbed to the poison that had lived inside her body for so long. Amy feared what she would see when they left the cave. Something told her that it would not be a pleasant sight.

“I love you,” she said again, her nails digging into his back as Gaius hoisted her up, and she wrapped her legs around his waist.

He leaned against her, pressing her further against the wall. She hardly noticed the cold anymore. “I love you too.”

After they finished, they slowly got dressed and sat beside each other, letting the steady flow of the stream fill in the silence.

Amy laced her fingers through Gaius’, unable to stop herself from smiling. She leaned her head against his shoulder and took a deep breath.

“I still don’t understand why you changed back into your old outfit. What was wrong with the one I bought you?”

Gaius rolled his eyes. “Nothing was wrong with it. I just prefer this one.”

She couldn’t help it. Amy started to laugh, ignoring the glare she received in response. “How many times do I have to tell you that you look absolutely ridiculous?”

“How many times do I have to tell you that you are the only one who thinks that?”

“Trust me, I’m not the only one who thinks that.”

He scoffed, turning his head to look at the cave entrance. The sun was beginning to set. “Are you ready to leave Greece as fast as we can once we arrive? Once people figure out what happened, they will come for us.”

“It’s still not too late for you to go your own way. I won’t take offense.” A small part of her worried that he really would accept the offer. Staying with her would put both of their lives in danger.

There was silence for a moment before Gaius answered. “If I’m completely honest, I was a bit miserable before you showed up.” His eyes were full of regret when he looked at her. “You were the one who convinced me I had something more to live for. I owe you my life. Were it not for you, I don’t know if I would want to even try to redeem myself.”

“As a wise man once said, ‘goodness is a choice.’ You can’t give me all the credit. At the end of the day, every decision you’ve made has led you here. You want to be good. I didn’t force you to do anything.”

“I’m not so sure the others will see it that way.” He eyed up his gladius, sighing. “They seemed to be convinced that I will always be the evil man they knew. And maybe they’re right. Maybe I will eventually give in to my darker desires yet again. You said it yourself. You know who I truly am.”

All the horrible things she’d said and done while under the influence of Rheya’s powers would haunt her forever. Amy wanted to apologize again, but she knew it wouldn’t make a difference. There was no taking back what had already been said.

“We can keep each other in line,” she said, watching the black water flow deeper into the cave. “If I start to slip, or if you do, we can stop it. Or both end up destroying the world together. Who knows.”

He laughed, leaning his head back against the wall behind them. “Has anyone told you that your sense of humor is quite morbid?”

“Maybe once or twice.” Her smile faltered when she thought about Adrian’s message again. “How long do you think it will take before Adrian and Kamilah find us?”

Gaius kept his eyes trained on the ground, his grip on her hand tightening. “If they know about what happened in Ireland, it won’t be long. And if what happened at the club has already made news…I think they’ve already found us.”

She shuddered at his words. The idea of leaving Mydiea no longer appealed to her. Leaving this island would signal the beginning of a life on the run. From now into the foreseeable future, someone would be searching for them.

“Great.” Amy wasn’t sure she wanted to face her friends. Lily might be a bit more understanding, but she knew that Adrian and Kamilah would be less than happy.

Maybe they wouldn’t guilt her too much for what she’d done with her powers, but they would most definitely be horrified to learn just what her and Gaius had been up to while they were together.

“Are you certain you want to come with me? You will have a better chance at earning forgiveness if you go with them.” Gaius was frowning when she looked at him. “They can protect you in ways I cannot.”

She shook her head, scooting closer to him. “I don’t need protection. I’m not some helpless child. I defeated The First. I overcame the darkness twice.”

He grinned, a laugh bursting from deep in his chest. “That you did.”

“So, I’m sorry to say, but you aren’t getting rid of me that easily.” The sky outside was growing darker, and Amy felt butterflies in her stomach as the nerves settled in. “I just hope you’re prepared to deal with them.”

“Whatever will be, will be.” He glanced at the cave entrance again, and sighed, rising to his feet. “We should probably prepare to leave.”

Waves lapped at the shore when they emerged ten minutes later, the water looking even worse in the darkness. Amy swore she heard rumbling from deeper inland, and shivered. She began to reach for the katana, but stopped herself. It was silly. There was nothing left alive on Mydiea.

Miraculously, the boat was still where they’d left it. It looked like it had been damaged a bit, but it would have to do.

As they pushed the boat out into the water, chills ran down Amy’s spine when they stepped into the sea. The black water lapped at her calves, and she could feel the energy that radiated from the island.

“Let’s get out of here,” she mumbled, ignoring the way the hairs on her arm raised.

Evil remained here. And it was much worse than it ever had been before.

Gaius nodded, and together, they climbed into the speed boat. The motor rang out in the silence, and Amy shuddered again as she watched the island slowly fade away.

Before she turned away, she thought she saw a shadow standing on a cliff, watching them speed away. She shook her head, telling herself that it was her imagination. It was over. The island would slowly wither away, taking the darkness with it.

They spent the trip back to Greece in silence. Amy couldn’t stop thinking about everything she had done, knowing that she had spiraled out of control in so little time. It would haunt her forever.

Eventually, land appeared once more, and she let out a sigh of relief. It felt good to be back on the mainland. The world seemed undisturbed, safe from what she had done on Mydiea.

The relief she felt was temporary, however. After Gaius helped her climb out of the boat and the two of them started walking toward the city, she sensed a shift in the air. Before she’d even looked up, Amy knew who waited for them on the railing separating the beach from the streets.

Still, it didn’t stop her from wincing when she finally looked up and saw Adrian, Kamilah, and Lily watching her.

[tonystarkbingo]

TSB September Flash, Week 4 Roundup!

AND THAT’S ALL SHE WROTE, FOLKS!  At least, until our next round starts in a couple weeks...

For our participants, remember to go claim your badges!

If you wanna be a participant in Round Four and you’re not yet, go sign up!

And for all of you... make sure you leave the creators below some love!

Title: Her Epilogue Collaborator: Fighting_for_Creativity Link: AO3 Square Filled: 023 - Epilogue Ship: Peggy/Daniel Rating: Teen Major Tags: Tony remembers, Daniel needs a Hug, Peggy needs a hug, everyone gets a hug, Angst with Happy Ending, AI Peggy, Canonical Character Death Summary: On the day of Peggy Carter's funeral, Tony remembers snippets of his childhood with her and Daniel Sousa. Word Count: 2196

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Title: Harley Keener (and a very not-to-scale Potato Gun Mark I) Collaborator: newnewyorker93 Link: Tumblr Square Filled: 022 - Harley Keener Ship: None Rating: Gen Major Tags: crafts, Iron Man 3 Summary: Felt figure of Harley Keener and his potato gun from Iron Man 3.

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Title: Are we There Yet? Collaborator: tisfan Link: Tumblr Square Filled: 024 - Bleeding Edge Ship: Tony/Logan Rating: Teen Major Tags: Kidnapping, Roughed Up Summary: Tony gets kidnapped. Again. You’d really think bad guys would learn better. Word Count: 598

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Title: Fated to Telling Only Lies Collaborator: Politzania Link: AO3 Square Filled: 023 - Epilogue Ship: WinterIron Rating: Teen Major Tags: Canonical Character Deaths, canon divergence, Winter Soldier POV Summary: After his mission to eliminate the elder Stark, the Soldier is assigned to befriend the Stark heir and win him over to the cause. But there’s something about Tony Stark that just might loosen the Fist of Hydra’s grip on his goal. Word Count: 1413

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Title: Smells Like Teenage Drama Collaborator: MagicaDraconia16 Link: AO3 Square Filled: 027 - Peter Parker Ship: Tony/Rhodey/Loki/Rhodey/Strange & Peter Rating: Teen Major Tags: Teenage drama, Peter Parker is scarred for life, implied/referenced 5-way poly (as above), way too many father figures Summary: When you're a teenage superhero, it's bad enough to have one father figure, never mind two or three. Let alone five. Peter Parker would like to reiterate: he is not a child! Word Count: 2638

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Title: F.R.I.D.A.Y. I’m in Love Collaborator: eachpeachpearplum Link: Tumblr Square Filled: 023 - FRIDAY Ship: Tony & FRIDAY Rating: Gen Major Tags: music, art Summary: Tony sing as he works, and FRIDAY is just as sassy as her brother was.

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Title: An Arctic Adventure Collaborator: lemon_juices Link: AO3 Square Filled: 027 - Sight Ship: pre-Stony Rating: Gen Major Tags: merpeople AU, ocean sex Summary: Featuring Steve Rogers, a marine biologist in the middle of the Arctic Ocean. Also featuring Tony Stark, a merman who lives in the Arctic Ocean. When Steve first sets his eyes on Tony he can't stop thinking about him, and Tony can't forget about Steve. Another trip to the frigid cold ocean and let's see what happens... Word Count: 2572

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Title: Centrifugal Force Collaborator: tisfan Link: Tumblr Square Filled: 024 - Taste Ship: Teen Rating: WinterIron Major Tags: temporary amnesia, not single crying meme, alcoholism, bad coping mechanisms, playground Summary: “That sounds like one of my very bad, no good ideas,” Tony confessed.  “Usually,” the man said. Word Count: 588

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Title: It’s Only a Paper Moon - Chapter 3 Collaborator: sierranovembr Link: Tumblr Square Filled: 025 - Sound Ship: WinterIron Rating: Teen Major Tags: Depiction of a mental asylum, established relationship, Edwin Jarvis Summary: Fighting aliens alongside Captain America? A loving, supportive fiancé who overlooks the many flaws of Tony Stark? Tony often thought his life was too amazing to be real.  He might be right about that. Word Count: 1370

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Title: New Family Members Collaborator: fightingforcreativity Link: Tumblr Square Filled: 023 - FRIDAY Ship: Tony with whoever you choose Rating: Teen Major Tags: Cute, Bots, Bot Family, Tony’s army of bots Summary: Tony really shouldn’t tinker after watching a movie and running on little to no sleep. Albeit… Maybe he should do it more often. Word Count: 735

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Title: What’s in a Name? Collaborator: Politzania Link: AO3 Square Filled: 023 - FRIDAY Ship: Tony & FRIDAY Rating: Gen Major Tags: Drabble, slice of life Summary: Tony explains to his latest creation where her name came from. Word Count: 100

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Title: True Colours Collaborator: lbibliophile-mcu Link: Tumblr Square Filled: 022 - Thoughts Ship: none Rating: Gen Major Tags: motivational poster Summary: Hold your head high, wear your colours, proud. Don’t be afraid to stand out from the crowd.

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Title: all those shadows (almost killed your light) Collaborator: dixiehellcat Link: AO3 Squares Filled: 026 - Chapter 1, Infinity Gauntlet; chapter 2, Morgan Stark; chapter 3, smell; chapter 4, alternative POV; chapter 5, PTSD Ship: Pepperony Rating: Gen Major Tags: Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie).  Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Tony Stark Lives, the Russos whomst, idk them, back on my brand, Carol Danvers is a Good Bro, Prosthetics, Body Modification, Nightmares. Tony Stark Needs a Hug. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD Summary: Post-Endgame, Tony’s life is a healing process. Word Count: 3759

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Title: Before They Outlaw the Kiss Collaborator: ralsbecket Link: Tumblr Square Filled: 026 - Alternate POV Ship: Stony Rating: Teen Major Tags: N/A Summary: Steve must have had an awfully pained expression on his face without realizing because before he knew it, Tony was getting up from his seat beside him and extending a hand. “Dance with me,” he requested, smiling at him softly. 

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Title: Touch Collaborator: SaganaRojanaOlt Link: Tumblr Square Filled: 023 - Touch Ship: WinterIron Rating: Teen Major Tags: Art Summary: N/A Word Count: N/A

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Title: Family Reunion Collaborator: Politzania Link: AO3 Square Filled: 023 - Touch Ship: Pepperony Rating: Gen Major Tags: Post Avengers: Infinity War, domestic fluff, ‘bot fic Summary: Tony and Pepper introduce Morgan to her older siblings. Word Count: 1071

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Title: ARC-reactor Collaborator: Menatiera Link: Tumblr Square Filled: 027 - ARC-reactor Ship: none Rating: Gen Major Tags: arc reactor, polymer clay Summary: they’re tiny! :)

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Title: War Machine Collaborator: Fighting_for_Creativity Link: AO3 Square Filled: 023 - War Machine Ship: Tony/Rhodey Rating: Teen Major Tags: Soft, Hurt/Comfort, Rhodey POV, Tony needs a hug and gets one Summary: The whole 'acquiring a suit by any means' situation sucked big time. Good thing Rhodey knew where his loyalties ultimately lay. Also, pretending to steal something from Tony at least meant that Rhodey could spend some time with him beforehand. Word Count: 1131

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Title: War Machine Collaborator: SaganaRojanaOlt Link: Tumblr Square Filled: 023 - War Machine Ship: None Rating: Gen Major Tags: art Summary: War Machine Art

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Title: On the watch Collaborator: Menatiera Link: AO3 Square Filled: 027 - Peter Parker Ship: Stuckony Rating: Teen Major Tags: Winter on a mission, Bucky and Winter are separate personalities, happy ending Summary: The Winter Soldier takes his missions seriously. This Mark shouldn't cause any troubles. And then he does. Word Count: 3427

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Title: Insomnia Collaborator: SaganaRojanaOlt Link: Tumblr Square Filled: 023 - Insomnia Ship: None Rating: Gen Major Tags: art Summary: Tony Stark art

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Title: Drifting, Falling, Floating Weightless Collaborator: MagicaDraconia16 Link: AO3 Squares Filled: 027 - Image: Drift (adopted - ch1) | Nightmares (ch2) Ship: Pepperony Rating: Teen Major Tags: Angst, nightmares, post Infinity War, during Endgame, mentions of panic attacks Summary: After the Battle of New York, Tony was plagued by nightmares of space. The events of the immediate aftermath of the Infinity War have not made things better. Word Count: 1476

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Title: Birth of an AI Collaborator: SaganaRojanaOlt Link: Tumblr Square Filled: 023 - FRIDAY Ship: none Rating: Gen Major Tags: art  Summary: Tony and FRIDAY art

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Title: Battery Now Included Collaborator: MagicaDraconia16 Link: AO3 Square Filled: 027 - Arc Reactor Ship: Tony & The Bots Rating: Gen Major Tags: An overabundance of bot feels? Summary: When Tony returns home from Afghanistan, the bots notice that something has changed... Word Count: 386

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Title: Sight Collaborator: Menatiera Link: Tumblr Square Filled: 027 - Sight Ship: Stuckony Rating: Gen Major Tags: retired!steve, blind!steve, happy!steve Summary: Moodboard and summary. Steve goes blind and retires - much to his boyfriends Tony’s and Bucky’s bafflement.

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Title: Happily ever after Collaborator: SaganaRojanaOlt Link: Tumblr Square Filled: 023 - Epilogue Ship: Steve/Sam Rating: Gen Major Tags: art Summary: art of Sam and Steve

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Title: Wanna Be Somebody to Someone Collaborator: ralsbecket Link: AO3 Square Filled: 026 - MIT Years (adopted square) Ship: Stony Rating: Mature Major Tags: Alternate Universe - College/University, MIT Era, Football Player Steve Rogers, Twink Tony Stark, Engineer Tony Stark, Howard Stark’s Good Parenting, TwinkTonyEvent, Crush at First Sight, One-Sided Attraction, (or so he thinks), (Steve’s an oblivious awkward doof), Dirty Thoughts, Masturbation, Hopeful Ending, unedited because we die as men Summary: Steve Rogers thought that he was fairly observant. He had to be when he was on the field; it was the sole reason he was offered a full-ride scholarship to be a tight-end for Boston University’s football team. But he learned embarrassingly quickly that his one blind spot involved a lanky-limbed, spectacle-wearing, tousle-haired brunet. Word Count: 2573

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Title: Heart of Iron - the movie night Collaborator: Menatiera Link: AO3 Square Filled: 027 - Director commentary Ship: Pepperony Rating: Gen Major Tags: heart of iron - the documentary, the stark family watches the documentary about tony together, peter parker pov, endgame fix-it, retired tony stark Summary: “You must be kidding me,” Peter said. It’s not like he wasn’t willing to sacrifice himself in many ways for the greater good (which in this case meant the happiness of his chosen people), but he figured there should be a line to draw in the sand even in that regard. Tony apparently wasn’t on the same page, because he raised an eyebrow in challenge. “Either this or you can watch Trolls with Morgan again; it’s your choice.” Word Count: 4250

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Title: Reveal on skin Collaborator: Menatiera Link: Tumblr Square Filled: 027 - Nightmares Ship: Stuckony Rating: Gen Major Tags: moodboard, cursed!tony Summary: Moodboard and summary. Villain of the Week casts a curse on Tony to “reveal his true nature on his skin”. Instead of horrors, though, Tony’s hands start to resemble the night sky with thousands of stars.

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Title: Rock-a-bye Tony Collaborator: lbibliophile-mcu Link: Tumblr Square Filled: 022 - Rescue Ship: IronHusbands Rating: Gen Major Tags: edit Summary: Tony crash-lands, and Rhodey is no help at all. “Rock-a-bye Tony in the tree tops…” 

[mayareth]

One last time

This is my very first angst fic! It’s a very long one (maybe too long?) and it’s certainly full of grammar mistakes, sorry for that! Tell me if you spot some. I hope this will please you! This fic is inspired by a prompt @spades-and-hearts posted on Discord some times ago.

Characters involved: MC, Lancelot, Jonah.

Type: Angst.

Warnings: Important characters death, suicide, murder.

Words count: 4798

Note: Switching POV between Lancelot and Alice.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I never wanted to become so close to her. But that happened. She got too deep into my heart and I gave in to temptation. As I looked at her, sleeping peacefully in my bed, right next to me, I can't help but think that's not right. I can't and I will never make her happy. I’m the Beautiful Beast, after all, that’s what people say, no? Well, they’re right. My so-called heart of stone stir but it seems I have no choice. I kissed her one last time, the only woman I’ve ever loved, knowing that I will always remember that precious night she spent in my arms and that was all I needed.

I gently covered her eyes with my hand, softly whispering in her ear.

”I would give you all the joy I’ve ever had to make you happy and I will be hoping for your happiness forevermore, from this world. I’m sorry, darling, but this is for your own good.”

A halo enveloped her as my eyes turned crimson.

”Let’s all memory of Lancelot Kingsley vanish from Alice’s mind. Memories, be gone.”

I added one last part to ensure her happiness

”Find love and joy in the arms of a man who will truly love you and take good care of you. May you find this special someone very soon.”

As I removed my hand from her face, I felt a single tear rolling down my right cheek. I quickly wiped it with my sleeve and got ready for the ultimate reunion with the high-ranked members of the Red Army. Now, I have to focus on the clash with the Black Army.

At the end of the meeting, I had asked Jonah, my most loyal man, who became really close to our unexpected guest during the last month, to take care of Alice for me. I called her by her name one time in my life, I would never do this again. It would give her way too much importance.

”But King Lancelot! That would mean I can't take part in the battle! As your right-hand man, it’s my duty to fight at your side!”

The Queen pouted but I knew he was secretly happy to have been given this task. I knew she would be in good hands. No one in this army was more delicate than Jonah.

****

Jonah was chosen to accompany me to the Garden. I had a strange feeling since this morning, waking up in a room that wasn't mine with a fuzzy mind. Certainly the thought of leaving this world I had learned to appreciate. As I rode with Jonah, my arms firmly put around his waist, I wasn't so sure I wanted to go back to London, to my comfortable but boring life. I remember our time together, cooking for the army, helping me to chose how to get dressed, sometimes even doing shopping together in the streets of the Central Quarter. I could enjoy his sweet perfume before the air becomes filled with the scent of roses.

”Wow, that's really beautiful!”

The sunset was tainting the manicured garden in shades of red and orange. It was like it was on fire. Red and white roses gave added a romantic touch to the atmosphere. As Jonah invited me to sit beside him, what I reluctantly do, not wanted to damage this beautiful place, I looked at the sky. I will soon be home again. But is that still what I consider to be my home?

”Seems we have some time to kill”

The soft voice of the porcelain featured man brought me back to reality.

”I hope you enjoyed your stay here in Cradle. The Red Headquarters are going to look empty without you. Who will cook with me for King Lancelot when you’ll be gone?”

King Lancelot? I only met him in the hallways I think. And did Jonah say he was going to be lonely without me?

”I don't care about King Lancelot, we weren't very close anyway. What I really liked was to be with you, Jonah. Not only cooking, but I will also remember every little moment we’ve spent together, talking, dancing and everything else.”

My sweet talking had made the Queen’s cheek turning bright red.

”Will you accept a last present from me?”

A present? How could I say no to this? I smiled brightly at him.

”Of course I will!”

I was surprised to see him standing up and walking toward the flower bed, only to come back with a single white rose. It felt like I already experienced something like this but I didn't give it a second thought. Jonah’s gracious fingers put one of my hair locks behind my ear as well as the rose.

”You look perfect. I’m going to miss taking care of your hair. No, not only that, I’m simply going to miss you.”

It wasn't like him to be so honest about his feelings. I felt my cheeks burning as I put my hand over his.

”I’m going to miss you too, Jonah.”

He looked deeply at me.

”Do you know the meaning of the white rose in flower language?”

I think I’ve read something about it in a novel. A promised wedding? Maybe it’s not the same here.

”You’re the only one for me”

What? I froze at the serious tone Jonah choose to adopt.

”That’s... That’s what it means?”

”Yes. I’m sorry to tell you that only now, knowing it would only make your way back more difficult but I had to say it. You made my days brighter than they have ever been. I love you.”

I felt my face getting wet with tears. How? How is that possible? I’m living in a fairy tale. I am a cursed princess, no doubt about it.

”I... I...”

”I’m sorry, I shouldn't have bothered you with my stupid feelings, just forget what I said”

Jonah looked sad, hurt.

”Look at me, Jonah. Can’t you see? I love you too!”

A bright smile illuminated his slightly red face. How could I hadn't noticed how I felt about him sooner?

”Really? Can I kiss you goodbye so?”

I cupped his cheeks.

”You can kiss me but not as a goodbye. More as the beginning of something new. I’m staying. I will fight by your side, no matter what, we will never be separated again.”

In an instant, his soft lips were on mine, giving me the lightest kiss I could ever receive. When we parted, I immediately wanted more and it was a shared feeling as he claimed my lips again, his tongue soon demanding entrance. We stayed in each other arms, sitting on the freshly cut grass for what seemed to last for an eternity. When the full moon rose in the dark sky, Jonah asked me one last time if I was sure to stay in Cradle.

”It’s going to be dangerous you know. War is never a beautiful thing to see. You might be hurt or even die.”

I stopped him, raising a hand to grip his.

”I know nothing is going to happen to me as long as I am by your side. I want to help you. I will be with Kyle at the infirmary so I can stay safe at the headquarters. Feeling better now?”

We shared one last kiss before heading to the Central Quarter to begin the fight. I turn my back to my past only to begin something new here. I don't care what horrors I will have to face as long as I can see the Queen of my Heart every day when I wake up for the rest of my life.

****

I would never have imagined they would get so close. I was surprised when I saw them arrived together on the battlefield but even more when I spotted them kissing during the party held to celebrate peace and the victory of the combined forces from the Black and the Red sides.

”I would never have guessed these two would end up together.”

Sirius patted me on the shoulder.

”Me neither”

I sighed. I thought I had lost my heart years ago. Now that I could feel it bleeding in my chest, I knew I was wrong.

”Are you alright Lance? You look like you're about to cry”

The Queen of Spades gave me a concerned look. Me, the emotionless King of Hearts, was I really looking so pained publicly?

”Don’t worry Sirius, I’m just a bit tired. Those war days have been exhausting.”

My old friend gazed at me as if he could read my mind as well as my broken heart.

”There is something else, I know you better than you think Lance.”

A sad smile appeared on my face. Even after all those years, he was still able to read me like an open book.

”It’s Alice. She has changed. She is more emotional and had nearly eaten nothing tonight. That's not like her, something must be wrong but I don't know what.”

”Stop worrying, Lance. Jealousy never brings objective thoughts. As I remember how you were in high school, you must have rejected her saying that you weren't good enough for her, am I right? You can only blame yourself now. You wanted her to be happy, right? Now, look at her. She shines more than the moon itself. I still don't like the Cling of Hearts but I really think he has the power to make her life beautiful. Stop being so sad now.”

As I gazed to the clear starry sky, I murmured to myself.

”If only... Unfortunately, I think that's far more complicated than just a little crush.”

***

The war hasn't lasted long. Red and Black, thanks to Zero, who had been reporting to the ”enemy” about the Magic Tower and how he thought the mysterious institution was behind the moves of the Red Army. The two parts came to an agreement after the King of Hearts explained how the leader of the Magic Tower, Amon, was manipulating him to gain control of all of Cradle. Soon enough, the joined forces defeated the institution and were now working on building a peaceful world after 500 years of conflict. As for me, I was feeling rather sick those days, maybe due to all the pressure I’ve been under through the last two months. I was now officially the girlfriend of the Queen of Hearts and was treated as such. As soon as I needed something, a soldier was here for me. I learned that a lot of men from the Red Army belonged to a group called ”The Heart Defenders” that was admiring Jonah. My boyfriend seems to be the only person in those headquarters to be oblivious to these soldiers though...

Everything was fine until one morning, I woke up with a stomach unable to digest the yet light supper I had the previous evening.

”That’s enough darling, you barely eat and now you can't even assimilate the nutrients you need. You have to see a doctor today.”

Jonah was scolding me but I could tell he was more worried than angry.

”You speak like Kyle when he is not drunk...”

I was sure it wasn't anything serious, I’ve just been stressed lately, telling me I would feel better next week. If only I had known...

”Alice, what are the symptoms you’ve been experiencing lately?”

Kyle's face was more serious than I’ve never seen as he was examining me.

”Well, I’ve lost my appetite, I feel rather tired and I’ve been subjected to morning sickness those last days. There is nothing to worry about, I regularly feel like this after getting through hard times.”

The usually calm doctor’s face turned pale.

”One... One last question, miss. What about your periods?”

My periods... Let's see.

”Now that you mention it, I think I skipped this month. That happens sometimes but that's pretty rare.”

That's when it hit me.

”Wait, Kyle, are you telling me... I might be...”

When the red-haired man nodded, I suddenly felt the world crumbling under my feet. I had to sit on a chair to avoid fainting in the middle of the infirmary.

Expectant. I was going to be a mother.

”You’re about two months pregnant Alice. Congratulations. Should I tell the father to come here or would you rather telling him the news by yourself later?”

I could clearly see that Kyle was as shocked as I was. I was totally lost. I’ve been with Jonah for about two months so it's technically possible for him to be the father but that was so quick! Besides, I haven't shared the bed of any other man since I arrived in Cradle. How am I going to tell him? We are not even married and I know traditions are really important in the Clemence family. I was still lost in my thoughts when the door cracked open, revealing a pair of worried golden eyes.

Kyle and I turned looked at each other, then at Jonah.

”Well... I believe congratulations are in order.”

The doctor spoke first, awkwardly scratching the back of his head before gazing through the window and eventually leaving the room. I couldn’t meet my lover’s gaze, feeling guilty although a baby needs two people to be created. I hadn't realized I was crying until I felt the delicate hand of the Queen of Hearts on my cheek.

”Don’t cry, darling, that's not the best moment but it's still a wonderful new! And this baby, the fruit of our love, will be born into a peaceful world. So please, don't look so sorry. I’ll be here to cheer you up, reminding you that the future Lady Clemence always has to keep her head up because she is perfect.”

I rose my head to have a proper look at his face and saw all the emotion his eyes were holding. A moment later, his lips were on mine, giving me the sweetest kiss in the world so that I knew we were going to make it through this and that nothing would be able to stop the Clemence family. Our little bubble.

***

I shouldn't be THAT startled to hear cries of pain. Nine months have passed and Alice’s baby decided to discover our cruel world today, on a bright day of September. I tried to stay focused on my paperwork but it didn't matter how hard I tried, it was impossible. I finally gave up to check on my nervous right-hand man.

”Do you think she will be alright my King? I know I shouldn't bother you with my worries but...”

I put a hand in the air to stop him.

”Calm down, Jonah. Alice is with Kyle and some of the best midwives in Cradle. Everything will be fine.”

I tried to reassure him but I wasn't that confident either. My head was full of that ”What if...?” questions and the heat of the end of summer was making the air unbearable. I began to pace the hall, waiting for some news as Jonah was getting closer and closer to fainting at every scream of his wife. Edgar and Zero came to check regularly but they didn't seem to be as edgy as their two superiors. Why am I feeling like this? She is not mine anymore. Why am I that concern with that baby's well-being or even with his mother's health? We barely see each other at meetings or around the table. Suddenly, the screaming stopped, replaced by the sounds of a crying baby. Jonah got up at the right moment when a midwife opened the door.

”It’s a healthy baby boy! Congratulations!”

Jonah was on the verge of tears as he turned to me before entering the infirmary.

”Do you want to see him, my King? As the godfather of this child, you might even want to hold him.”

Godfather? I don't know how I was feeling about this title. A mix of pride and jealousy maybe? I followed the Queen of Hearts to discover an exhausted but shining young woman. As I approached the bed to have a proper look at the newborn Clemence, it hit me. Something is wrong. I might be mistaken but that's not Jonah’s baby...

***

”Leander, come back here!”

My five years old little boy looked at me mischief reflecting in his blue eyes as he continued to run.

”Mama, I don't want to eat millefeuille! Papa really has weird tastes, sweets from Uncle Edgar are better than... Hey!”

A tall man grabbed him by the wrist, pulling the little boy in his strong arms.

”Found you! You should listen to your mother and behave correctly on your father’s birthday.”

Leander pouted a little before bursting out laughing when the man as blond as the child started to tickle him.

”Promise to be kind or I won’t stop!”

”I promise, Godfather, I promise, please stop now haha!”

I smiled as I watched the two of them being so close. Since Leander’s birth, Lancelot was spending a lot of time with his godson, even allowing him to come playing in his office.

”Now go, and don't forget the present we made together for your father!”

The King finally put the child on the floor again, messing Leander’s blond hair and winking at him before walking away.

”Wait, we have to give him together! Papa will be very happy if we do, Godfather!”

But Lancelot was already too far and didn't hear the little boy.

”Come with me, Leander. You can give your present to your father tonight with your godfather if you want but he seems to be busy right now.”

My son turned to me, his icy blue gaze full of sadness, making me want to hug him tightly.

”Mama, I want to give Papa his birthday cake with his afternoon tea so it has to be now!”

Before I had realized what was happening, Leander’s eyes turned crimson and he disappeared. Wait. Hold on for a fucking minute. How in the world can he do something like this??? I hurried to Lancelot’s office, the place I was sure to find answers. I had seen this gaze somewhere before. But when? That's when I entered the room and saw my son sitting on the King’s lap that it came back straight into my mind.

”You remember, do you?”

Lancelot asked me, reading my thoughts.

I felt the world spinning as all my memories were coming back. My life here was based on lies. I had to sit down before fainting. The tall man asked his godson to leave, promising to give Jonah his birthday cake with him. As soon as the door was closed, I spoke, at the verge of tears.

”Why? Why did you do something like this Lance?”

”Isn’t it obvious? I did it for you. I wanted you to be happy with a better man than me. I wasn't expecting you to fall for my right-hand man but I accepted it, as painful as it was for me. As it is still now. I would only have hurt you.”

”Hurt me?! What am I now Lancelot? You haven't only LIED to me, but to everyone! Why do you always have to fight alone?!”

My tone was full of rage. I loved him. I trusted him. But he spoiled everything. I adored my husband but now, I had to deal with my past and some old feelings. I clenched my hands into fists as I listened to what he had to say.

”I wasn't planning on you getting pregnant, Alice, that's true. But now, look, you are married and have a family! That's enough to make me satisfied.”

The rain started to fall outside, the droplets hitting on the windows, covering the sounds from the exterior.

”How can you say things like that? I love you, I would have married you, you have a son that doesn't even know you're his father but is conscious that he is closer to you than to Jonah. Why do you always have to make things more complicated than life is already?”

Through my wet eyes, I hadn't noticed he had gotten closer to me. I was still sobbing when he ran his thumb across my cheek, wiping away my tears.

”I hate you and I love you in the meantime but I didn't notice those feelings before because of the spell you cast on me. How can you be so cruel?”

His hand grabbed my chin, forcing me to peer through his eyes, reflecting all the suffering he had bear during those last five years, even more.

”I’m so sorry...”

I didn't let him finish. I kissed him, knowing that we will both regret this afterwards. I wanted to feel all of him, to make up for the lost time. To forget everything for an instant. He kissed me back, telling me he had the same wish. I knew I was acting like a fool, without thinking and that I would regret it. But I wanted to bring back some memories.

”I’m sorry our son has inherited my magical abilities. It will only bring him problems.”

I shook my head, my forehead still against his.

”Not when he has a father as strong as you, Lance. He took a lot more from you than his powers you know.”

The King smiled, a grin holding a hint of sadness somehow.

”And for Jonah? How is he going to react if he learns Leander is not his son?”

That's when a broken sound reasoned in the office.

***

”Enough now! I’ve heard enough! When were you planning on telling me?!”

The high voice of the Queen of Hearts was crackling under a mix of anger and sadness, the broken teacup he was holding laying at his feet.

”Jonah, that's not how it is! I’ve just remembered now, I swear! Please calm down.”

Alice's face was twisted in fear and in panic while it took me all I got to remain calm.

”Jonah, listen carefully please, all of this wasn't planned and Alice...”

”STOP!!! I was trusting you, both of you! My life was yours... How? How could you do this to me ON MY BIRTHDAY?!”

The golden eyes of my subordinate burned with rage, the tears that filled them not enough to extinguish the fire in them.

”When I saw Leander pouting, telling me that you two were preparing a surprise for me without him, I would never have thought it was, in reality, a true betrayal. I... I...”

Suddenly, he pulled out his sword and I immediately did the same.

”Jonah, don't do something you would regret.”

”I already regret to be born. My whole life was dedicated to serving the very same people who were going to harm me in the worst way possible in the end.”

A certain madness in the two ambers that were gazing at me made me freeze. I felt chills running down my spine.

”King Lancelot, for whom I could have given my life, my heart and my soul, I challenge you to a duel.”

”And I accept”

I responded, without moving my sword away nor tearing my eyes apart from his. The tension in the air was thick. A single spark and everything would explode.

”Stop it, both of you, please!”

Alice pleading voice made my opponent and myself focused our gaze on the only woman in the room. Guilt was written all over her face. Shock and anxiety too. I wanted to hug her so badly, telling her everything would be alright. But I couldn't do that nor lie to her again.

”Don’t you dare to come between us now! You’re responsible for this. Can't you see how you broke my heart? Just look at this teacup, it's all the same! You’re my wife, I thought you were my soulmate. You promised to love me and to stay true to me when we married, remember? Now what? Stay away from this, you’ve caused enough damages.”

She was so pale I thought she might collapse here and now. Alice was trembling, her legs barely keeping her up.

”This is a fight between two men, Alice. Jonah is right, don't intervene. This will soon be settled. Shall we begin?”

As soon as I finished to speak, Jonah’s dagger was at my throat. I quickly whirled and used magic to pushed him back. His head slammed against my desk badly, creating a deep cut in his forehead. That didn't stop him. Jonah ran straight into me, nearly stabbing me in the right arm.

”You had everything! Everything! A kingdom, people here to serve you, loving parents and friends. You’ve never had to go through harassment to protect a little brother that doesn't even bother to talk to you now! No! It wasn't enough, you had to take my wife too!”

I’ve never seen him in such a poor state. He was like a madman, swinging his blade without any logic in the air. It was like he was possessed by a demon, not the kind of Edgar, more likely Amon. My foot slipped on the tea Jonah had spilt a few minutes before and in an instant, I was lying on the floor. The surprise effect took me longer than it should to get up. It was too late.

”I’m sorry my King, but I must do this.”

Jonah’s sword was aimed right at my throat and in a movement, I understood it was over.

”NOOO!!!”

Alice leapt between Jonah and me right when the Queen of Hearts was about to cut me. Instead of my blood, her own crimson liquid was now staining my clothes.

”Alice!!!”

She was laying on the floor, unconscious, bathing in her own blood, a deep cut in her throat providing all the red substance that was staining her clothes. Furious, I jumped at Jonah’s throat, my hands firmly pressed at each side of his delicate neck. The more he struggled, the more I added pressure. I totally lost control of myself as I was yelling at him, my voice similar to the cry of a wounded animal.

”You killed her! You murderer! You possessed doll! It was your wife and the love of my life! If you had followed my orders and let her go to her own world five years ago, everything would still be fine! Why were you always so proud and stubborn and selfish and...”

I stopped right away, noticing he didn't move anymore.

”Jonah? Jonah, answer to me! Jonah!!!”

Tears started to run down my cheeks as my hands were trembling. I let go of the now dead body that was I was responsible for. I slowly got up, then, I sat at my desk, writing everything that happened and asking Sirius and Luka to take care of Leander. Finally, I opened a compartment and pulled out the letter I wrote when I discovered Alice’s child was also mine. It was addressed to Leander, explaining everything to him. When I heard voices and footsteps getting close to the door, I glanced one last time at two of the people I loved the most lying on the crimson floor, whispering to me:

”You’re the Beautiful Beast, everything you touch end like this, ruined and dead. You don't deserve to live anymore unless you want to see all the people you love in such a pitiful state.”

Someone knocked at the door and I recognized Edgar and Zero’s voices. That's it, this is the end.

”I’m sorry Leander, Sirius, everyone. Please forgive me.”

I positioned my hands on both sides of my head while my eyes turned crimson one last time. I focused to concentrate enough magic to do my duty and all went white.

One last time, I felt sorry. One last time I suffered. One last time, I killed a man.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’m not really confident about this but it was good to practice my English in long writing. I’ll try to write angst again soon and to test my skills at NSFW too! Apparently, I’m posting this in the middle of the Angst Revolution but that's a coincidence xD

Tagging @saphyhowl @pianoperson @xathia-89 @lovingikesen @muggzc @lovingsiriusoswald @jonahswife @toloveawarlord @plumpblueberry @kiarigirl @alloveroliver-ash @theundyingskeleton @spades-and-hearts @hejer-maomao

[addictedtostorytelling]

Part 1- Hi! (Feel free to ignore I don’t want to bother you) your lost answer to anon got me thinking about an old headcanon I could never get str8 (Jate’s my lost otp & I love suliet to pieces). In “LaFleur”, sawyer says Kate’s face is gone from his memory, 3y’s enough to get over someone. But as soon as she’s back, he keeps glancing @ her as to figure out if he believes his own words. Except from the obvious writers’ ambiguous trick to keep the “square” alive for a bit longer,

Part 2- I thought it was some sort of leftover tenderness they shared toward each other (that Jack/Juliet didn’t get) cause despite their incompatibility, I believe they genuinely loved each other. So my question really is: do you think, post “the end” S & K find à way to accept that they care about each other, help each other get over their losses, learn to belong even if it’s just in each other’s lives (as friends or more) ? Sorry for this novel and thanks.

hey @clarissemcc!

so my headcanon for how things turn out with kate and sawyer post-island is definitely on the angsty side.

i’ll tuck it after the “keep reading,” just to be safe.

___________

as the final on-screen events of the original timeline in the series finale take place, jack has made the decision to remain behind on the island (where he soon dies), and juliet is already dead, meaning that both kate and sawyer return to civilization faced with the prospect of going through the rest of their lives bereft of their respective soulmates.

both of them undoubtedly mourn.

both of them undoubtedly suffer. 

but, ultimately, kate is better equipped to cope with her loss than sawyer is his.

that’s not to say that things are easy for kate, of course.

when she is finally reunited with jack in the flash-sideways universe, the sheer yearning in her “i’ve missed you so much” admission implies that she has likely spent years on years---a full lifetime---in the ot grieving him. 

losing jack after just having reconciled with him for the first time since their falling out in the wake of their broken engagement and after everything that they had been through together both on and off of the island most certainly leaves her heartbroken and reeling. 

she probably never really gets over mourning him and wondering “what if---?”

i honestly don’t see her ever getting in another long-term relationship or marrying after him; if she was going to “settle down” in that way, he was the one person she was going to do so with.

that said, i do think that, overall, she is able to face that grief (however long she has to) because she has a sense of purpose in leaving the island. 

she’s going to help claire raise aaron.

and i tend to believe that having someplace to go and something important to do helps her endure a life without jack.

that’s where she encounters whatever healing is available to her and “learns to belong,” like you talk about.

before crashing on the island, she is a fugitive runaway with nothing good or lasting in her life, but afterward she has two people who are looking to her to provide stability for them; she has a family, a home, and, most significantly, a reason to stick around.

not so with sawyer.

before the island, he is placeless---a traveling con man, in and out of prison, lacking a solid identity, much less a sense of purpose.

on the island, and particularly during the 70s in dharmaville, he finally gains grounding, becoming a super competent leader under the guise of jim lafleur and finding a partner---in every sense of the word---in juliet.

and had he been able to leave the island with juliet and marry her, as per his plan, i think he would have continued in the upward trajectory we see from him in s5 and s6. he would have listened to his better angels.

but in the wake of losing juliet, i’m not sure he can---and not just because she’s gone but because he blames himself for her death.

for as gut-wrenching as leaving jack behind on the island is for kate---and particularly knowing that he is badly wounded and possibly close to death---she can at least take solace in the fact that jack makes a choice for himself, and she can honor his willing sacrifice by taking care of his sister and nephew.

sawyer knows no such comfort.

he blames himself for juliet’s death on multiple levels: because he asked juliet to stay with him on the island for “two weeks” which turned into three years (see episode 05x08 “lafleur”); because his behavior around kate after she returned to the island eventually prompted juliet to sign on for jack’s plan to blow up the jughead (see episode 05x16 “the incident” pt. i); and because he literally couldn’t hold onto juliet and dropped her down the shaft (see episode 05x17 “the incident” pt. ii). 

though one could try to argue with him that juliet exercised personal agency both in remaining on the island with him AND detonating the bomb, his guilt and self-loathing would never accept such appeals.

in his mind, he killed the only person he ever truly loved.

and without her, not only does he have nowhere to go and nothing to do post-island, but he also carries with him the sense that he doesn’t deserve to get to go anywhere or do anything.

he doesn’t want to carry on in her absence.

he wants to suffer for his sins.

he wants to experience every moment of agony rightly owed him for his actions.

filled with guilt, pain, and the impulse to self-castigate, i just can’t imagine him faring well.

though kate might try to convince him to not give up, i don’t think he’d listen to her or accept any attempts by her to take care of him---and particularly not because he knows that part of what persuaded juliet to blow up the warhead was her assumption, however erroneous, that he would eventually choose kate over her (“i changed my mind when i saw you look at her”).

even just being around kate as a friend would trigger his guilt in the extreme.

and while he wouldn’t blame kate---as he says he doesn’t, per the scene on the pier---he would still blame himself.

he would always blame himself.

hate himself, even.

and a self-hating sawyer is a dangerous one.

i mean, self-hatred is what underlies his jerky, bullying, posturing behavior during the early seasons of the show, right? and, by comparison, that self-hatred is of a more “garden variety,” rooted in his sense that he has become someone despicable, rather than an extremely personal sense of loss (and fault).

so much more extreme will be his bent over juliet---and so much the worse his self-sabotaging behavior as a consequence.

the pre-show sawyer is an outlaw who lives dangerously, but he ultimately possesses a self-preservative instinct; he is a consummate survivor.

that’s part of what makes him and kate so similar.

and him and juliet, for that matter.  

but this sawyer---the one who feels responsible for getting the woman he loves killed---won’t care what happens to him anymore.

so he won’t do himself in all at once---not when he has a very strong sense that he deserves to suffer for what he has done for as long as possible---but he will drink and smoke himself sick and pick barfights with guys twice his size and run cons where he’s almost sure to get caught and then pull his gun on the cops who show up to arrest him; he’ll be a fucking mess, the likes of which would make even bearded, pill-popping, oceanic-six, los angeles jack go, “oh shit.”

and without any sense of grander purpose, i don’t know that sawyer would be able to pull himself out of the spiral.

kate might try to argue that he has an obligation to take care of himself if not for his own sake than for clementine’s, but he’d probably say that his daughter’s only interaction with him being by way of the trust fund he left for her is for the best.

honestly, i don’t think his story in the ot has any kind of happy ending.

and i don’t think he lasts as long as kate does.

just based on the way i understand his character, i doubt that sawyer allows himself to find any sort of refuge with kate post-island in the ot, either friendly or romantic, even if she tries to offer it to him. he also probably eschews company of any kind from anyone, including their other friends from the island. 

for my money, there is just too much hurt and guilt in him, for which he cannot permit himself any sort of peace, so he strikes out on his own (“some of us are meant to be alone”) to disastrous effect.

while kate undoubtedly worries about him, i think that at some point, probably sooner rather than later, she makes the conscious decision to focus her energies on claire and aaron, resigning herself to the fact that sawyer doesn’t want to be saved, and particularly not by her. 

ultimately, i think their paths diverge.

she learns to live again after the island, and he doesn’t.

all of this postulation given, i’m certainly not harshing on your headcanon! it’s way happier than mine and, frankly, a whole lot nicer to think about.

lest i end on a super negative note here, i’ll finish up by saying that i find it highly significant that in the flash-sideways, kate once again finds purpose in helping claire with aaron, while sawyer is searching---not only as a detective for his parents’ killer but literally walking around with a big, yellow sunflower (his bloom of choice for juliet), trying to find where (or rather to whom) he belongs, hopeful for the life he has always wanted to lead with her. 

though he doesn’t get any kind of happy ending in the ot, at least by my estimation, he does eventually find what he’s looking for in the flash-sideways, and that reunion with juliet is so healing for him. 

anyway, i’m rambling here.

thanks for the question! feel welcome to send another any time. 

[thesweetblossoms]

Twelve Ways To Stop Fretting

🌴I often fret ceaselessly and needlessly about the future, rethinking unhelpful habitual thoughts, grappling with the same issues, and squandering valuable time and mind space in activities that not only do not provide any peace, but tend to agitate and deepen stresses and anxieties. Of course, the concerns range from the casual, such as what to wear to a new job, to the more existential, about whether I am fulfilling my potential and progressing incrementally, towards my layered dreams with my slow simmering efforts; recently, I have been worried about whether I would be able to devote sufficient time to my businesses, if I am also working long hours as a staff attorney at a law firm. Thus, here are a few ideas about how to approach a change, to confront an uncertain future, to duel with hastening hours, and to forestall the rough blades of doubt.

1)New Experiences: Because we cannot foretell the future, we dwell in a realm of possibilities, chances and surprises, thus one way to eliminate unwelcome worries is to be open to the unknown and to appreciate the unfolding, being aware of the nuances that may bring us moments of illumination, such as discovering a new route with prickly pair cacti, dropping date palms and cloud scaling desert willow trees, or the joy that comes with the opportunity to frequent a charming coffee shop with a decadent chocolate croissant, or even the task of choosing a daily attire, to boost feelings of wellness and comfort of a job outside of home.

2)Novel Insights: Be vivacious whenever you feel uncertain, rather than forlorn, because it is through the unknown that we are given clear sight into the wheels churning, the planets tilting, the new poppy seeds unfurling and how our own lives are steadily moving on a course that surges recklessly, between shoals of contentment and abstract rocks of chaos, because, between every awakening and every nights final snubbing of the candlelight, reveals more about the music of family, the valuable gift of lyrical leisure hours and the blue sky moments of heady enlightenment. For it is only through upheaval, changes to routines, modifications or habits and reframing of customs that we come closer to the truth.

3)Relationships: We shouldn’t hesitate to confront the new opportunities and experiences that befall us, because these are often accompanied by novel and intriguing encounters as well as chances to meet new people and develop friendships. For when we are taking a risk, changing course, or experimenting with altered methods of conducting our lives, we float into a stream swimming with potential new memories, possible friendships, and a mine of inspiration from meeting and conversing with different minds, personalities and temperaments. For when we don’t know what the future brings us, we often fill up the space with the worst imaginings and the direst outcomes, but rather then fret, we should contemplate the magical elements of not knowing who will cross our path, how they might change an aspect of our lives, or a way of thinking, or how they may improve our experience of reality.

4)Adaptability: Many of us worry, because we hate to be jarred from routine, from our well honed habits and the peace that arises from a steady and contented ritual that eases us through the seasons. Yet, by worrying we are inhibiting the adventurous spirit and the courageous instincts that we also possess in equal quantities. Thus, instead of doubting the unknown, we should utilize its cryptic nature by enhancing and polishing our ability to adapt. By taking a moment, to think and strategize about how we may grow through periods of discomfort or annoyance, of how we may challenge our behaviors and deep seated fears, we may move towards better incarnations of ourselves. We may adapt in small or new ways, perhaps continue highlighting a personality trait such as gregariousness, while tempering an inclination to be less private, or to overcome a fear of driving in town, or a phobia of transversing great distances too far off lands. Each day we might attempt to scale the barriers, by channeling our best tools, our most potent skills and our latent talents, and incrementally alter ourselves.

5)Positive Thinking: A light hand creates the most beautiful paintings, the same principle may apply, such that, the lightest thinking creates the most beautiful reality. Thus in all our rumination, our puzzlements, or bewildering half dreams, our misty morning meditations, we should err on the side or positivity, by perceiving every element in the best light. We can continue this positive trend and encourage it to seep, like dew on blossoming lilac bushes, into every element of our story by having confidence in yourself and the universe as well as an unmitigated curiosity about the unfolding of events. For any situation, after its initial explosive or even subtle entry, may provide us with emotions, answers, thoughts, inspirations and ways of thinking that we have previously not accessed or been aware of, that may reveal tentative secrets about the world around us and that could help us string together a narrative of events that makes sense only with the alchemical element of time, or it could even ensure that we act the most beneficial way to unsure favorable and happy outcomes.

6)Analyzing The Situation: A creative way to address your worries, anxieties, sadness, regret, ennui or melancholy is to create your memoir, either in your mind, or by writing, creating videos, photography and art, for each is a token of the moment that assists us in comprehending situations within the passage of time, as even the most troubling elements, often carry detectable nuances, as when we read memoirs, and notice how certain events or choices shape and alter the course of a persons life. By thinking about the future in a certain, knowing way, almost taking for granted that you will age and write your memories down, you may practice the art of hindsight even in the present moment. My favorite part of reading autobiographies, is the countless renditions of writers rising about harrowing circumstances, cruel cultural constructs or the pervasive evil of human nature, to reveal the ultimate victory of light, truth and courage. Thus, a certain degree of detachment and the steadfast employment of the power of multiple perspectives, helps us to react to events in a way that ameliorates its most haunting effects.

7)Nothing Lasts: If we remember the heartbreaking, temporary nature of life, even when we are sad, we realize how futile it is to waste even a quarter hour of the day in unhappiness. The universe is in constant flux, with the fall trees turning shades of copper, crimson and aubergine, with the chill setting into to the once balmy clouds, with candles lit and spluttering out, with the years passing steadily as a lighthouse on a thunderstruck, isolated island, with reunions coming and going, with milestones won and lost. So let go of the current distresses, for it will, also unequivocally pass away.

8)Experiment/Discover: There is so much to reality that is yet to be understood, for their has been no cure for pain, just as there has never been a thorough theory of love. So what if we could explore any situation as a momentous chance to gain jewel like insights into the mechanisms that abound around us, perhaps, contemplate the wonder of how our intuition already knows before a loved one rings, of why some trees have lived for centuries yet they have never swam in the sea, or of why candlelight, music and dancing, rinses away even the most stubborn stains imprinted into the threads of our hearts, or of why we never know ourselves no matter how much we search, or of why beautiful poetry can reduce us to tears. We should make use of champagne, or gardening, or an art as a portal to channel bliss, to see what elements align with how we hope things will turn out, realizing that maybe thinking about it in a particular, incanted light, is a secret charm, a tonic to clear away cloudy windows that reveals what we need may already be in our presence or in our repertoire. Use the worrisome aspect to discover new ways to deal with issues, unravel expedient methods to handle onerous tasks, or unveil how to manage time in a way that deliberately moves us nearer to the nebulous realms of our most coveted desires.

10)Focus On Rewards: Rather than fretting, we should focus on the future where the results of our actions manifest themselves in the clearest light. Whether in business, where long hours of effort, planning and diligence may create value for others, and later, provide revenue, or at a job, where after completing assigned tasks you are able to also share your skills and talents with the larger community for an income, or by writing or creating art that helps to ease the stubborn wounds of pilfering time, or by planting a garden with prolific wild poppies, zinnias and marigolds, it is only with patience and diligence, that we are granted the initial blooms and the first fragrance of success.

9)Gratitude: Even if initially it seems that hindrances and detours seamlessly appear whenever we move towards a certain vision, instead of lingering on the unsavory elements that rob us of our mind space, time and energy, we should tabulate our blessings, for they are just as plentiful and almost as ubiquitous, landing softly into the newly inked lines of our story, like a butterfly on a luscious frangipani blossom. By being grateful, we dwell in the space of opportunities, of pragmatism, of hacking time and energy, of doing what is needed to take us to the next step, for often, it is through change and upheaval of routines that we enter a chamber of new possibilities and happy chances.

11) Dance: Whenever you fret, do something active, take a walk, yoga, dance, work out, get up to look at the stars, or water a plant, by moving away, even an inch from our coordinates upon earth, we are also creating distance from a negative thought. I also have a theory that it is impossible to worry and dance at the same time.

12) Focus On Wellness: When we feel overcome with dread, or lapse into the eerie corridors of anxiety, we should refuel our quest for wellness. It is often challenging when we are stressed to think about our bodies and minds and to give it the priority it needs to help us through the most tiresome situations, yet, by drinking plenty of water, by making sure you sleep as much as possible, by meditating, eating healthy fresh fruits, seeds, nuts, vegetables and grains, by taking time for a facial, massages, skincare and working out, we are primed to confront whatever the next day may bring. 🐝

[jadedbirch]

ARTIST CLAIMS ARE NOW OPEN!

If you have questions about some of these fics before signing up and want us to follow up with the authors, please shoot El an email.  Otherwise, read all 24 of these, and email in your top 4 picks!

SUBMIT CLAIMS BY APRIL 23rd

1. Good ships scuttled on the deep

His fingers follow flecks of blood down to the point of his captain’s cheekbone. A thin pink scar, no wider than John’s fingernail, marks Flint’s pale skin. Flint’s eyes close completely. “I thought it was a welcome,” John says. Silver and Flint become lovers following the battle on Maroon Island. S4 AU with established silverflint relationship and some canon divergences.

2. Pray For The Wicked On The Weekend    John Silver spends his days in a faded green pickup truck filled with salt-loaded shotguns and silver and holy water on the back roads of the United Stated hunting monsters and demons and things that go bump in the night, and he’s fine with it, because it’s the easiest way to forget what he’s lost. But there’s something coming, something that he can’t face alone. So where else would he turn but the best Hunter the US has ever seen. Even if no one has heard from James Flint since Thomas and Miranda Hamilton went missing.

3. patron saint of lost causes

It takes two weeks to get Flint off Skeleton Island. Or rather--it takes two weeks for the island to let them go. In which Skeleton Island is a living character and brings a host of nightmares through the mist which force Silver and Flint to confront the dangers of their minds. Featuring surreal dreamscape horror as Silver literally battles figures from his murky, unnamed past and Flint moving through a river of blood and ghosts until he and Silver finally meet in the middle. Influences include Guillermo Del Toro's Pan's Labyrinth and The Devil's Backbone and Maria Luisa Bombal's work.

4. Let It All Unbreak You Post season four. Alone in taverns, at different points in time, Flint and Silver ponder what went wrong with their different relationships. They drink, remember and regret. They reflect upon the little they had together, and regret not making it work after the war with Madi or Thomas, while knowing very well that the very reason it all went wrong is that they had changed too much, had given each other too much, yet were not brave enough to admit it to each other when it was still time.

(Ships: Silverflint, flint x miranda x thomas, flint x thomas, silver x madi) (Angst, definitely not fix-it, no happy ending)

5. Pirate Sex is In Vogue

My fic is a modern AU primarily through email correspondence between Silver and Flint, although other mediums (such as texting and phoning) will be introduced as the story evolves. Silver is a crack erotica writer and Flint is the librarian who just wouldn't showcase his books at the Nassau Public Library, despite the insistence of the latter. They become unexpected virtual pen pals after Flint sends a heated rejection letter and grow closer through their correspondence, helping each other confront the inner demons of their personal lives. There will be polyamory, since Flint is involved with Thomas and Miranda by the time he and Silver fall in love.

6. Tell me we're dead and I'll love you even more

In the year 1725, or thereabouts, John Silver finds himself driven by a winter storm into an inconsequential little port town, barely a speck on any civilised map. Returned to the life of a drifter, tired and rough around the edges, he is resigned to waiting for the weather to pass before he can sail on again to the next town, and the next, and the next. That is until he overhears a conversation in the inn about a local fisherman, one Captain Barlow, and his tall tales of tempests and becalmings, devils and sharks, and Silver finds a new future opening up to him, haunted by the spectres of his past. Whether landed in this place by fortune, or fate, or even divine intervention, he finds he cannot leave again without following this trail that leads from an old and half-forgotten tether knotted deep between his ribs to somewhere that feels familiar and safe, like home. The way won’t be easy; it’s paved with notable absences and painful unspoken truths, and there’s as good a chance as any that he’ll find a knife to his throat before he can so much as say ‘Long time no see, Captain’. Still, all roads do seem to lead to them baring their souls to one another in the dark, and Silver would be lying if he said he hadn’t missed it.

7.  An Epilogue

After the events of Treasure Island, John finds James and Thomas. There’s a gradual awkward descent to domesticity when pirates retire. Madi brings Jim Hawkins with her from London. This is the ultimate fix it where there are no unanswered questions and everyone lives happily ever after. SilverFlint, SilverHamilton, SilverFlintHamilton, SilverMadi

8. Stealing Hearts

A 1920s AU with Flint as a mob boss, fighting a corrupt police force/police system, and Silver as a thief who gets caught up in all of it.  

9. Space Raiders of Nassau

The space station Nassau is in open rebellion against the interplanetary Imperial Alliance.  Captain James Flint is in deep shit for rearranging the face of a fellow raider captain.  As punishment, Nassau's leaders assign an inside man to his crew, with a very convincing cover story (that they're married). Complicating things further is the fact that Flint's shifty new husband, John Silver, knows a lot more than he's telling about their secret mission. Their own survival as well as Nassau’s future depend on how successfully they can navigate the dangerous skies… and each other.  

10. The Pirate Captain's Wedding Once he has his hands on the thief Flint is willing to do whatever it takes to get the page from him. And then Billy & Gates say marriage is the only solution left on the table. Or rather matelotage – the time honored pirate form of matrimony. Billy says it’s the only way to regain the crew’s trust, by marrying one of them, and Gates agrees. For once Flint’s desperate enough to agree to it. He never expects to actually fall in love with the little shit. Canon-Era Season1/Season2 AU– with angsty developing feelings, public consummation, & There Is Only One Bed night after hot sticky sweaty night. 11. The devil's gotta' earn

Supernatural AU. James Flint has been a hunter for over a decade now and he knows people join this profession for plenty of reasons and few of those are happy ones. Some people just seek the thrill, some want to protect the so called innocent, some - like him - are out for revenge and John Bloody Silver apparently is just trying to get rich. [Borrows mostly from first seasons of Supernatural, little to no prior knowledge of this show required. Miranda lives, Thomas tragically does not. Lots of angst, few monsters of the week and a demon or two.]

12. touch me James is a widow, bartender and owner of the gay-bar “The Rainbow“. After Thomas' death it had been John who had lift him up. One day one of his usual dancers - because what is a gay bar without your occasional striptease - can't perform. John offers to fill the space and James has to face that John is more than just a friend. Slow burn and StripperJohn!AU

13. Adamantine Flame Flint is a forest god called The Flame and Silver is part of the cult that worships him that resides on the fringes of the underworld. 14. [Title TBD] Silver never met another werewolf before. Well, realistically, he knew he must have because he wasn't born a werewolf so someone had to have done this to him. But that didn't count since his memory of the whole incident was lackluster at best. He knew others had to be out there somewhere though and he wanted to find at least one, just to know he wasn't all alone. Flint was surrounded by werewolves all his life. Always part of a family, always knowing someone cared for him. Knowing he had someone to care for. The memories were as vivid as ever, of a time when he cared for someone. But they were gone and he knew he was meant to be all alone. 15. set my soul on fire

Nothing quite like getting out of prison to make a man feel like pulling off the biggest heist you’ve ever heard of. But he can’t do it alone - he’s going to need some money, a plan, a crew, and of course, his partner. His incorrigible, oral fixation-having, blue-eyed devil of a partner. Who is this smooth, seasoned con man with his eyes on the prize? James fucking Flint, naturally. And his partner? John Silver.Viva Las Vegas, baby.

16. cat dad

Modern au. Flint's life is fine. It's quiet and it's fine and he's fine. Well, except that his upstairs neighbor is a dick and his relationship with Miranda is strained and maybe quiet isn't all it's cracked up to be. But then a one-eyed cat enters his life and with it one John Silver. Flint's not sure how he feels about that, but he's working on it. Plot includes cat shenanigans, cooking, fluff, and feelings. 

17. [Title TBD]

A post-canon rendition of the Silver and Flint reunion wherein rather than seeking each other out the two are brought back together by outside forces. There’s a wedge of sour history and new lives built between them but love and desire become hard to deny when every path you set out on to leave someone behind sends you hurdling straight back to them. Treasure Island divergent/ignorant, though I pull some things from TI including the bird. (Includes SilverMadi and FlintHamilton as side-pairings, warning for canon Black Sails side-character death.) 18. The Spark

it's a Girl Genius AU

That's it, that's the whole shtick. It's basically the plot of the show, but clockwork-punk with mad geniuses (of course Flint is one), Urca being chock full of Aztec tech a'la Mysterious Cities of Gold, and dr. Howell and colleagues taking medicine to some quite Frankenstein levels - convenient with so many characters who should know better than to fucking die.

Also John Silver might be a construct.  The prosthetics are not nearly as complicated as in treasure planet, but at least one person has a gun arm? dirigibles are "Supposed Not To Be Invented Yet", but not for the lack of trying. Silverflint revolves around having "The Spark" and personhood and is shaping up heavier than i intended... luckily they will have plenty of people to set them to rights - i'm aiming for a happy polyfamily forming in the background.

19. he’s funny that way

1920s Atlantic City. Everybody knows the only way to leave crime boss Eleanor Guthrie's business is through a funeral - either delivering the sermon or laid out in the casket. Still, Flint leaves anyway, because he likes to make his life as difficult as possible. Case in point: his new partner, the scruffy, irate, one-legged racketeer with a pretty mouth, a quick tongue, and a rye recipe even Pussyfoot Johnson wouldn't spit out. His new partner's making sure he's not joining the church and taking a celibacy vow anytime soon - but will anyone be able to save Flint from his early - or long overdue - grave?

20. Ship to Wreck 

"I don't know if you've noticed, Doctor," Silver snaps, incredulous, "But every moment the Captain is unconscious in that bed is another step away from five million fucking dollars. As if that weren't enough, we're locked in a ridiculous show of force with a madman who seems keen on blowing us sky high unless we concede to his demands; we've got a crowd of men up top losing their Goddamned minds because they've been promised a fight that we cannot presently even hope to deliver; and--" Silver pauses, exhaling hard. "Actually, you know what? There is no and.  I’d say that’s about enough shit to make us all a little tense, wouldn’t you agree?" "Hm," Howell says, mildly. A post 204 fic in which: Flint gets a fever, Silver has a panic attack, and Howell gets a migraine. Includes, among other things--Silver trying and failing at playing nurse; Silver trying and failing at controlling his feelings; Flint being dazed and delirious and soft; some singing, some yelling, and heavy doses of mutual pining. Love, obviously, turns out to be the best medicine. 21. More Than One Odysseus

Reunion fic, about two years after 4.10. Quite a lot of talking and a little of the following: fishing, sex, hunting, bathtubs, Jewish surnames, books, stories and Terra Australis. Canon-compliant, not TI-compliant. A few animals killed (for food, not sport).

22. Seedlings

"If there's anything I can help you with-- Or if you'd like to order flowers for an upcoming occasion--"

"All right, honestly?" Handsomely disgruntled customer looked Silver dead in the eye and said, "I'm looking for a gift that says, 'You are making a dreadful mistake, and you will regret these actions for the rest of your days. Call me when you've figured out what a fucking hash of things you've made.'" He spoke the way some people chewed tinfoil.

Silver felt two things: lust like a plague of locusts, and the words 'uh-oh' waft through his brain.

On the second anniversary of the worst day of his adult life, John Silver─temporary florist, burgeoning gardner, and former thief─meets James Flint. It is only love at first sight for one of them. (Or is it?)

23. The Curse of Aeaea

Inspired by the connection between Flint and Odysseus: Silver and Flint find themselves dealing with a very Circe-like situation. Once the curse affects Silver, they have to figure out a way to end it or be trapped on an island that’s not on any map.

(Animal Transformation, Body Horror, Poor Coping Mechanisms, Circe’s Curse, Odysseus, Post-Season 2, Pre-Season 3)

24. With Strange Aeons Months after the disappearance and presumed death of Captain Flint and Long John Silver, Max smuggles Jack and Anne to Oglethorpe’s plantation. Thomas learns that not only do the three of them have a friend in common, but he is not the only one whose dreams are haunted by a strange city and a terrifying name. Meanwhile, Flint and Silver try to escape an island trapped in time, impossibly built and impossibly old. Along the way they’re forced question reality, each other, and themselves.

And in his house in R’lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits dreaming. (Prior knowledge of Lovecraft is fun, but not required.)

[amyrichy]

Robron Awards 2017

Sexiest Scene & Best Kiss - The Belt Grab Kiss - 14th October 2016 - I mean the sneaking off like a pair of horny teenagers, the belt grab, the grabbing of the faces, the pushing up against a wall...need I say more? 

https://youtu.be/3IZlZt5V23o?t=198

Most Heartbreaking Scene - Saying Goodbye - 23rd February 2017 - Trying to be strong for each other while saying goodbye not knowing when they were next going to see each other? A brutal come down from the previous days festivities, They may not have cried but I certainly sobbed enough for the both of them.

https://youtu.be/xsSqymXScWc?t=161

Best Acting by Ryan - Robert And Aaron In The Woolpack Bathroom - 26th May 2017 -  Ryan has been ON FIRE this year! He has been given a lot of extra content and has absolutely risen up to the challenge of that and tbh I could write a book on how talented he is and all the magnificent scenes he has had but I had to pick one scene. A difficult choice and i’ve gone with one some people might perhaps find controversial but honestly in that bathroom scene my heart broke for Robert as much as Aaron. You could FEEL the desperation coming off him in waves. You could see how terrified he was of losing Aaron and how he could feel his whole life with him falling apart. Just one of his amazing performances that has brought me to tears this year. BRAVO! 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEAKjUhnWko

Best Acting by Danny - Aaron Admits His Prison Abuse - 6th April 2017 - Again Danny is always amazing and I cannot think of a single time that he hasn’t brought it to the table but this scene just broke me. Aaron had held it in for so long, been strong for so long and it just all came out. He’s nervous at first but once it comes out he can’t stop, some of the things are so difficult to admit he almost struggles to breathe. Another fantastic heartbreaking performance from Danny.  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Y8cdAVM5Mg

Best Wordless Scene/Best hug - Prison Release Reunion - 6th April 2017 - Aaron is released from prison where he’s gone through hell for the last two months. He steps out into freedom and he sees a nervous Robert stood across the road. They stare at each other for a moment and then he runs, he’s running and running and he’s colliding into Robert, into his arms. You can see the relief, the emotion on both of them. So many things said in that one scene without either of those boys saying a word. A bomb could hit and I doubt it would’ve separated those two. In that moment where they are clutching onto each other like their lives depended on it, nothing mattered. They’d finally been reunited.  

https://youtu.be/p26RRKmDnA0?t=152

Best Overall Episode - SSW 2016 (Monday) - 17th October 2017 - What can I say that hasn’t already been said about this masterpiece? It was the episode that made me fully begin shipping these two. It had it all, humour, drama, heartbreak, arguments and a heartstopping cliffhanger but what really came through in this episode more than anything was how much these boys loved each other, how they’d go to the ends of the earth to protect the other and make each other happy. I was going to pick the wedding for this award but how could I not pick the episode that made me realise how special the story of their relationship was? 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQeWKMTbTe8

Best Fight/Argument - ONS Reveal - 25th May 2017 - So I mean look, anyone who knows me knows I despise the ONS storyline with a PASSION! I will never understand HOW and WHY the writers would think it was a good idea to blacken such an amazing love story with something as LAZY, DISGUSTING and DISRESPECTFUL as a cheating storyline. However the reveal went a very small way of repairing some of the damage that the storyline caused to the Robron storyline. Maxine Alderton (Long live the queen) wrote the episode where Robert confesses to Aaron his infidelity and what an episode it was. Heartbreaking, emotional and downright beautiful at times, it was one of those episodes where despite them having a huge argument and their relationship hanging by edge of a thread, the love Robert and Aaron have for each other shines through. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PtZ-brdVubo

Best Family moment - Xmas 2016 - 25th December 2016 - They were not the major players in this episode so why have I chosen it? Because you see how much they FIT IN! Robert and Liv join the Dingles for the weirdest family Christmas I have ever seen yet! It was their first christmas together but if you didn’t know better, you’d say Robert, Aaron and Liv had been a family forever, not a few short months. I feel like i’m cheating a bit because there were SO MANY family moments in this episode! From Aaron teasing Robert for enjoying the drinks, to Robert joining in the charades with the dingles, to Aaron and Liv throwing snowballs at people (watched by a laughing Robert), to Robert parenting Liv and refusing to let her drink, to Aaron and Robert snuggled up on the sofa being all soppy and Chas giving Robert a big hug as well as Aaron. This episode was filled with moments that proved Roblivion had become their own little family unit within the Dingles.  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YkyktE5xIfk&t=

Most Rewatched Scene - In The Forest SSW - 17th October 2016 - Aaron and Robert both build up the courage to be honest with each other when an upset Robert confesses to Aaron a dark moment from his past and Aaron responds by letting Robert know how much he really thinks of him and confessing his love for the first time in nearly two years.  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ECzsffn4nc

Sweetest Moment - First Dance - 21st February 2017 - With the craziness of their wedding day finally over, a tipsy Robert manages to persuade a reluctant Aaron to dance with him and surprisingly Aaron agrees. They clutch onto each other, wrapped in each others arms, ignoring the public audience. While they dance, Aarons grandma returns from prison but they literally don’t look up. No-one else matters, they are in their own little bubble. At the end of the scene, you see Aarons face and although he doesn’t say anything, you can literally see the thought in his mind. “I want this moment to last forever” 

https://youtu.be/BiGTU60FH6E?t=46

Best I love you - Post ONS reveal - 25th May 2017 - They’re sat next to each other in the dark on the floor of their new home. Both still recovering in the aftermath of the bomb Roberts just dropped on their relationship but somehow...they’ve survived. They’ve spent the whole day fighting for their relationship and somehow they’ve got through it. Broken and messed up with their relationship having been through the ringer but they’re still there together and AGAIN you see the love these two have for each other shine through. “I love you” Aaron says sincerely and you can see it in Roberts face, he can’t believe it, never thought he’d hear those words again “Still?” He asks unsure, Aaron nods. “I love you more” Robert says and that’s how that episode ends. Both our boys broken and bruised but ultimately TOGETHER clutching onto each other in the dark...and that was so beautiful. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dq1RdwdRfzI

Best Robert Quote - “Don’t ever say I don’t love him, I never stopped” - September 2017 - Robert and Aaron aren’t together anymore and a heartbroken Robert is trying to distract himself by waging a villainous and slightly ridiculous revenge plot against the White family. Unfortunately this means getting close to Rebecca. When Liv returns and questions his closeness with her, he snaps and finally we see his true feelings about Rebecca and the baby come out, along with a display of raw honesty about his feelings for Aaron. A heartbroken Robert has given up all hope on a reunion but that doesn’t mean he’s ever stopped loving Aaron.  

https://youtu.be/Kplpw1GDUx8?t=224

Best Aaron Quote - “You’re not a disappointment, you’re amazing” - 17th October 2016 - Anyone who knows Aaron Dingle knows he wears his heart on his sleeve and would do anything to protect his loved ones. Anyone who knows Aaron Dingle also knows he’s rubbish at expressing said feelings. He’s the type of guy who’ll go out and beat someone up because he’s heartbroken rather than admit it or would much rather kidnap someone to prove his love than actually say the words which is why this scene was so special. Robert was upset after divulging a painful secret from his past but an emotional Aaron was able to make him feel better by telling Robert exactly how much he thought of him and then dropping the “I love you” that Robert (and the audience) had been waiting for, for almost two years.  

https://youtu.be/1ECzsffn4nc?t=121

[arplis]

Arplis - News: The Ultimate Guide To Spring 2020 YA Books For Your TBR

The air is warming up and even if we’re in a world that looks unfamiliar, nature is doing what it’s meant to do this time of year: reemerging, reenergizing, and getting ready to bloom. In addition to nature, book season is also upon us, with a ton of amazing spring 2020 ya books to add to your TBR. Because of publishing shifting daily, some of the publication dates for the below books have changed. It is impossible to keep track of them all at this point, so if something interests you and it’s not publishing at the date listed, preorder the book and be surprised when it shows. The titles here include standalone titles, series books (marked in a *), books from well-known YA authors, debut authors, and books that’ll be blockbusters as well as quieter titles. Both fiction and nonfiction are represented. This list does not include comics. This collection of spring 2020 YA books isn’t comprehensive, but it’s pretty darn close. These titles were pulled from a variety of publisher catalogs, ranging from major publishers to smaller ones. Open up Goodreads or pull out your paper TBR and get ready to add some great new spring 2020 YA books to your list. Descriptions are from Amazon because this is a huge list, and I’ve but just started dipping my toe into these books myself. Spring 2020 YA Books For Your To-Be-Read List April 7 The Best Laid Plans by Cameron Lund It seemed like a good plan at first. What’s Up in YA? Newsletter Sign up for What's Up In YA? to receive all things young adult literature. Thank you for signing up! Keep an eye on your inbox. By signing up you agree to our terms of use When the only other virgin in her group of friends loses it at Keely’s own eighteenth birthday party, she’s inspired to take things into her own hands. She wants to have that experience too (well, not exactly like that–but with someone she trusts and actually likes), so she’s going to need to find the guy, and fast. Problem is, she’s known all the boys in her small high school forever, and it’s kinda hard to be into a guy when you watched him eat crayons in kindergarten. So she can’t believe her luck when she meets a ridiculously hot new guy named Dean. Not only does he look like he’s fallen out of a classic movie poster, but he drives a motorcycle, flirts with ease, and might actually be into her. But Dean’s already in college, and Keely is convinced he’ll drop her if he finds out how inexperienced she is. That’s when she talks herself into a new plan: her lifelong best friend, Andrew, would never hurt or betray her, and he’s clearly been with enough girls that he can show her the ropes before she goes all the way with Dean. Of course, the plan only works if Andrew and Keely stay friends–just friends–so things are about to get complicated. Cameron Lund’s delightful debut is a hilarious and heartfelt story of first loves, first friends, and first times–and how making them your own is all that really matters. The Burning by Laura Bates New school. Check. New town. Check. New last name. Check. Social media profiles? Deleted. Anna and her mother have moved hundreds of miles to put the past behind them. Anna hopes to make a fresh start and escape the harassment she’s been subjected to. But then rumors and whispers start, and Anna tries to ignore what is happening by immersing herself in a history project about Maggie, a local woman accused of witchcraft in the seventeenth century. In her newfound friendships with Alisha, Cat, and Robin, as well as her connection with Maggie, Anna finds a voice to face her tormentors. “We are the granddaughters of the witches you could not burn. And we’re not putting up with it anymore.” *Empire of Dreams by Rae Carson Red Sparkle Stone is a foundling orphan with an odd name, a veiled past, and a mark of magic in her hair. But finally—after years and years of running, of fighting—she is about to be adopted into the royal family by Empress Elisa herself. She’ll have a home, a family. Sixteen-year-old Red can hardly believe her luck. Then, in a stunning political masterstroke, the empress’s greatest rival blocks the adoption, and everything Red has worked for crumbles before her eyes. But Red is not about to let herself or the empress become a target again. Determined to prove her worth and protect her chosen family, she joins the Royal Guard, the world’s most elite fighting force. It’s no coincidence that someone wanted her to fail as a princess, though. Someone whose shadowy agenda puts everything—and everyone—she loves at risk. As danger closes in, it will be up to Red to save the empire. If she can survive recruitment year—something no woman has ever done before. Girl Crushed by Katie Heaney Before Quinn Ryan was in love with Jamie Rudawski, she loved Jamie Rudawski, who was her best friend. But when Jamie dumps Quinn a month before their senior year, Quinn is suddenly girlfriend-less and best friend-less. Enter a new crush: Ruby Ocampo, the gorgeous and rich lead singer of the popular band Sweets, who’s just broken up with her on-again, off-again boyfriend. Quinn’s always only wanted to be with Jamie, but if Jamie no longer wants to be with her, why can’t Quinn go all in on Ruby? But the closer Quinn grows to Ruby, the more she misses Jamie, and the more (she thinks) Jamie misses her. Who says your first love can’t be your second love, too? Golden Arm by Carl Deuker Lazarus “Laz” Weathers has always been shy, and his issue with stuttering when he speaks hasn’t helped. Stuck in a Seattle trailer park, Laz finds baseball helps him escape from the world of poverty and drugs. When he gets an opportunity to pitch for the rich kids across town, he has a chance to get drafted by the major leagues. But playing for the other team means leaving behind his family, including Antonio, Laz’s younger brother, who more and more, seems to be drawn to the dark world of the Jet City’s drug ring. Now Laz will have to choose between being the star pitcher he always dreamed of becoming and the team player his family needs. Goodbye From Nowhere by Sara Zarr Kyle Baker thought his family was happy. Happy enough, anyway. That’s why, when Kyle learns that his mother has been having an affair and his father has been living with the secret, his reality is altered. He quits baseball, ghosts his girlfriend, and generally checks out of life as he’s known it. With his older sisters out of the house and friends who don’t get it, the only person he can talk to is his cousin Emily—who is always there on the other end of his texts but still has her own life, hours away. Kyle’s parents want him to keep the secret of his mother’s affair from the rest of the family until after what might be their last big summer reunion. As Kyle watches the effects of his parents’ choices ripple out over friends, family, and strangers, and he feels the walls of his relationships closing in, he has to decide what his obligations are to everyone he cares for—including himself. It Sounded Better In My Head by Nina Kenwood When her parents announce their impending divorce, Natalie can’t understand why no one is fighting, or at least mildly upset. Then Zach and Lucy, her two best friends, hook up, leaving her feeling slightly miffed and decidedly awkward. She’d always imagined she would end up with Zach one day—in the version of her life that played out like a TV show, with just the right amount of banter, pining, and meaningful looks. Now everything has changed, and nothing is quite making sense. Until an unexpected romance comes along and shakes things up even further. Jack Kerouac Is Dead To Me by Gae Polisner Fifteen-year-old JL Markham’s life used to be filled with carnival nights and hot summer days spent giggling with her forever best friend Aubrey about their families and boys. Together, they were unstoppable. But they aren’t the friends they once were. With JL’s father gone on long term business, and her mother struggling with her mental illness, JL takes solace in the tropical butterflies she raises, and in her new, older boyfriend, Max Gordon. Max may be rough on the outside, but he has the soul of a poet (something Aubrey will never understand). Only, Max is about to graduate, and he’s going to hit the road – with or without JL. JL can’t bear being left behind again. But what if devoting herself to Max not only means betraying her parents, but permanently losing the love of her best friend? What becomes of loyalty, when no one is loyal to you? Gae Polisner’s Jack Kerouac is Dead to Me is a story about the fragility of female friendship, of falling in love and wondering if you are ready for more, and of the glimmers of hope we find by taking stock in ourselves. Little Universes by Heather Demetrios One wave: that’s all it takes for the rest of Mae and Hannah Winters’ lives to change. When a tsunami strikes the island where their parents are vacationing, it soon becomes clear that their mom and dad are never coming home. Forced to move to Boston from sunny California for the rest of their senior year, each girl struggles with secrets their parents’ death has brought to light, and with their uncertainty about the future. Instead of bringing them closer, it feels like the wave has torn the sisters apart. Hannah is a secret poet who wants to be seen, but only knows how to hide. The pain pills she stole from her dead father hurl her onto the shores of an addiction she can’t shake and a dealer who turns her heart upside down. When it’s clear Hannah’s drowning, Mae, a budding astronaut suddenly launched into an existential crisis—and unexpected love—must choose between herself and the only family she has left. *The Loop by Ben Oliver Luka Kane has been inside hi-tech prison the Loop for over two years. A death sentence is hanging over his head but his day-to-day routine is mind-numbingly repetitive, broken only by the books brought to him by the sympathetic warden, Wren. Then everything starts to change: rumours of war are whispered in the courtyard and the government-issued rain stops falling. On Luka’s last, desperate day, Wren issues him a terrifying warning: breaking out of the Loop might be Luka’s only chance to save himself – and the world … The Lucky Ones by Liz Lawson May is a survivor. But she doesn’t feel like one. She feels angry. And lost. And alone. Eleven months after the school shooting that killed her twin brother, May still doesn’t know why she was the only one to walk out of the band room that day. No one gets what she went through–no one saw and heard what she did. No one can possibly understand how it feels to be her. Zach lost his old life when his mother decided to defend the shooter. His girlfriend dumped him, his friends bailed, and now he spends his time hanging out with his little sister…and the one faithful friend who stuck around. His best friend is needy and demanding, but he won’t let Zach disappear into himself. Which is how Zach ends up at band practice that night. The same night May goes with her best friend to audition for a new band. Which is how May meets Zach. And how Zach meets May. And how both might figure out that surviving could be an option after all. Mad, Bad, and Dangerous To Know by Samira Ahmed It’s August in Paris and 17-year-old Khayyam Maquet—American, French, Indian, Muslim—is at a crossroads. This holiday with her parents should be a dream trip for the budding art historian. But her maybe-ex-boyfriend is probably ghosting her, she might have just blown her chance at getting into her dream college, and now all she really wants is to be back home in Chicago figuring out her messy life instead of brooding in the City of Light. Two hundred years before Khayyam’s summer of discontent, Leila is struggling to survive and keep her true love hidden from the Pasha who has “gifted” her with favored status in his harem. In the present day—and with the company of a descendant of Alexandre Dumas—Khayyam begins to connect allusions to an enigmatic 19th-century Muslim woman whose path may have intersected with Alexandre Dumas, Eugène Delacroix, and Lord Byron. Echoing across centuries, Leila and Khayyam’s lives intertwine, and as one woman’s long-forgotten life is uncovered, another’s is transformed. Meet Me at Midnight by Jessica Pennington Sidney and Asher should have clicked. Two star swimmers forced to spend their summers on a lake together sounds like the perfect match. But it’s the same every year–in between cookouts and boat rides and family-imposed bonfires, Sidney and Asher spend the dog days of summer finding the ultimate ways to prank each other. And now, after their senior year, they’re determined to make it the most epic summer yet. But their plans are thrown in sudden jeopardy when their feud causes their families to be kicked out of their beloved lake houses. Once in their new accommodations, Sidney expects the prank war to continue as usual. But then she gets a note–Meet me at midnight. And Asher has a proposition for her: join forces for one last summer of epic pranks, against a shared enemy–the woman who kicked them out. Their truce should make things simpler, but six years of tormenting one another isn’t so easy to ignore. Kind of like the undeniable attraction growing between them. The Perfect Escape by Suzanne Park Nate Jae-Woo Kim wants to be rich. When one of his classmates offers Nate a ridiculous amount of money to commit grade fraud, he knows that taking the windfall would help support his prideful Korean family, but is compromising his integrity worth it? Luck comes in the form of Kate Anderson, Nate’s colleague at the zombie-themed escape room where he works. She approaches Nate with a plan: a local tech company is hosting a weekend-long survivalist competition with a huge cash prize. It could solve all of Nate’s problems, and she needs the money too. If the two of them team up, Nate has a real shot of winning the grand prize. But the real challenge? Making through the weekend with his heart intact… Rules for Being a Girl by Candace Bushnell and Katie Cotugno It starts before you can even remember: You learn the rules for being a girl.… Marin has always been good at navigating these unspoken guidelines. A star student and editor of the school paper, she dreams of getting into Brown University. Marin’s future seems bright—and her young, charismatic English teacher, Mr. Beckett, is always quick to admire her writing and talk books with her. But when “Bex” takes things too far and comes on to Marin, she’s shocked and horrified. Had she somehow led him on? Was it her fault? When Marin works up the courage to tell the administration what happened, no one believes her. She’s forced to face Bex in class every day. Except now, he has an ax to grind. But Marin isn’t about to back down. She uses the school newspaper to fight back and she starts a feminist book club at school. She finds allies in the most unexpected people, like “slutty” Gray Kendall, who she’d always dismissed as just another lacrosse bro. As things heat up at school and in her personal life, Marin must figure out how to take back the power and write her own rules. *Ruthless Gods by Emily A. Duncan Nadya doesn’t trust her magic anymore. Serefin is fighting off a voice in his head that doesn’t belong to him. Malachiasz is at war with who–and what–he’s become. As their group is continually torn apart, the girl, the prince, and the monster find their fates irrevocably intertwined. Their paths are being orchestrated by someone…or something. The voices that Serefin hears in the darkness, the ones that Nadya believes are her gods, the ones that Malachiasz is desperate to meet—those voices want a stake in the world, and they refuse to stay quiet any longer. In her dramatic follow-up to Wicked Saints, the first book in her Something Dark and Holy trilogy, Emily A. Duncan paints a Gothic, icy world where shadows whisper, and no one is who they seem, with a shocking ending that will leave you breathless. So This Is Love by Elizabeth Lim What if Cinderella never tried on the glass slipper? Unable to prove that she’s the missing princess, and unable to bear life under Lady Tremaine any longer, Cinderella attempts a fresh start, looking for work at the palace as a seamstress. But when the Grand Duke appoints her to serve under the king’s visiting sister, Cinderella becomes witness to a grand conspiracy to take the king-and the prince-out of power, as well as a longstanding prejudice against fairies, including Cinderella’s own Fairy Godmother. Faced with questions of love and loyalty to the kingdom, Cinderella must find a way to stop the villains of past and present . . . before it’s too late. Somebody Told Me by Mia Siegert After an assault, bigender seventeen-year-old Aleks/Alexis is looking for a fresh start—so they voluntarily move in with their uncle, a Catholic priest. In their new bedroom, Aleks/Alexis discovers they can overhear parishioners in the church confessional. Moved by the struggles of these “sinners,” Aleks/Alexis decides to anonymously help them, finding solace in their secret identity: a guardian angel instead of a victim. But then Aleks/Alexis overhears a confession of another priest admitting to sexually abusing a parishioner. As they try to uncover the priest’s identity before he hurts anyone again, Aleks/Alexis is also forced to confront their own abuser and come to terms with their past trauma. *Sword in the Stars by Cori McCarthy and Amy Rose Capetta Ari Helix may have won her battle against the tyrannical Mercer corporation, but the larger war has just begun. Ari and her cursed wizard Merlin must travel back in time to the unenlightened Middle Ages and steal the King Arthur’s Grail — the very definition of impossible. It’s imperative that the time travelers not skew the timeline and alter the course of history. Coming face to face with the original Arthurian legend could produce a ripple effect that changes everything. Somehow Merlin forgot that the past can be even more dangerous than the future . . . They Went Left by Monica Hesse Germany, 1945. The soldiers who liberated the Gross-Rosen concentration camp said the war was over, but nothing feels over to eighteen-year-old Zofia Lederman. Her body has barely begun to heal; her mind feels broken. And her life is completely shattered: Three years ago, she and her younger brother, Abek, were the only members of their family to be sent to the right, away from the gas chambers of Auschwitz-Birkenau. Everyone else–her parents, her grandmother, radiant Aunt Maja–they went left. Zofia’s last words to her brother were a promise: Abek to Zofia, A to Z. When I find you again, we will fill our alphabet. Now her journey to fulfill that vow takes her through Poland and Germany, and into a displaced persons camp where everyone she meets is trying to piece together a future from a painful past: Miriam, desperately searching for the twin she was separated from after they survived medical experimentation. Breine, a former heiress, who now longs only for a simple wedding with her new fiancé. And Josef, who guards his past behind a wall of secrets, and is beautiful and strange and magnetic all at once. But the deeper Zofia digs, the more impossible her search seems. How can she find one boy in a sea of the missing? In the rubble of a broken continent, Zofia must delve into a mystery whose answers could break her–or help her rebuild her world. We Didn’t Ask for This by Adi Alsaid Every year, lock-in night changes lives. This year, it might just change the world. Central International School’s annual lock-in is legendary — and for six students, this year’s lock-in is the answer to their dreams. The chance to finally win the contest. Kiss the guy. Make a friend. Become the star of a story that will be passed down from student to student for years to come. But then a group of students, led by Marisa Cuevas, stage an eco-protest and chain themselves to the doors, vowing to keep everyone trapped inside until their list of demands is met. While some students rally to the cause, others are devastated as they watch their plans fall apart. And Marisa, once so certain of her goals, must now decide just how far she’ll go to attain them. What I Like About You by Marisa Kanter Is it still a love triangle if there are only two people in it? There are a million things that Halle Levitt likes about her online best friend, Nash. He’s an incredibly talented graphic novelist. He loves books almost as much as she does. And she never has to deal with the awkwardness of seeing him in real life. They can talk about anything… Except who she really is. Because online, Halle isn’t Halle—she’s Kels, the enigmatically cool creator of One True Pastry, a YA book blog that pairs epic custom cupcakes with covers and reviews. Kels has everything Halle doesn’t: friends, a growing platform, tons of confidence, and Nash. That is, until Halle arrives to spend senior year in Gramps’s small town and finds herself face-to-face with real, human, not-behind-a-screen Nash. Nash, who is somehow everywhere she goes—in her classes, at the bakery, even at synagogue. Nash who has no idea she’s actually Kels. If Halle tells him who she is, it will ruin the non-awkward magic of their digital friendship. Not telling him though, means it can never be anything more. Because while she starts to fall for Nash as Halle…he’s in love with Kels. 14 Deeplight by Frances Hardinge Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea meets Frankenstein in Frances Hardinge’s latest fantasy adventure The gods are dead. Decades ago, they turned on one another and tore each other apart. Nobody knows why. But are they really gone forever? When 15-year-old Hark finds the still-beating heart of a terrifying deity, he risks everything to keep it out of the hands of smugglers, military scientists, and a secret fanatical cult so that he can use it to save the life of his best friend, Jelt. But with the heart, Jelt gradually and eerily transforms. How long should Hark stay loyal to his friend when he’s becoming a monster—and what is Hark willing to sacrifice to save him? Elysium Girls by Kate Pentecost Elysium, Oklahoma, is a town like any other. Respectable. God-fearing. Praying for an end to the Dust Bowl. Until the day the people of Elysium are chosen by two sisters: Life and Death. And the Sisters like to gamble against each other with things like time, and space, and human lives. Elysium is to become the gameboard in a ruthless competition between the goddesses. The Dust Soldiers will return in ten years’ time, and if the people of Elysium have not proved themselves worthy, all will be slain. Nearly ten years later, seventeen-year-old Sal Wilkinson is called upon to lead Elysium as it prepares for the end of the game. But then an outsider named Asa arrives at Elysium’s gates with nothing more than a sharp smile and a bag of magic tricks, and they trigger a terrible accident that gets both Sal and Asa exiled into the brutal Desert of Dust and Steel. There Sal and Asa stumble upon a gang of girls headed by another exile: a young witch everyone in Elysium believes to be dead. As the apocalypse looms, they must do more than simply tip the scales in Elysium’s favor — only by reinventing the rules can they beat Life and Death at their own game in this exciting fantasy debut. A Girl in Three Parts by Suzanne Daniel Allegra Elsom is caught in the middle. Some days she’s eleven, and others she feels closer to nineteen. Some days she knows too much, and others she feels hopelessly naive. Some days she is split in three, torn between conflicting loyalties to her grandmothers, Matilde and Joy, and her father, Rick–none of whom can stand to be in a room together since the decades-old tragedy that hit their family like a wrecking ball. Allegra struggles to make peace in her family and navigate the social gauntlet at school while asking bigger questions about her place in the world: What does it mean to be “liberated”? What is it about “becoming a woman” that earns her a slap in the face? What does it mean to do the right thing, when everyone around her defines it differently? As the feminist movement reshapes her Sydney suburb, Allegra makes her own path–discovering firsthand the incredible ways that women can support each other, and finding strength within herself to stand up to the people she loves. Girls Save The World In This One by Ash Parsons Mega-fan June Blue’s whole life has been leading up to this moment: ZombieCon!The Ultimate in Undead Entertainment has finally come to her hometown. She and her two best friends–gorgeous, brilliant Imani and super-sweet, outrageously silly Siggy–plan on hitting all the panels and photo ops, and meeting the heartthrob lead of their favorite zombie apocalypse show, Human Wasteland. It’s going to be the best time of their lives–and one of their last adventures before they all split up for college. And when they arrive, everything seems perfect. June’s definitely not going to let anything get in the way of the flawless con experience–even though she’s endlessly anxious about the SATs and college admissions, and she can’t seem to avoid her ex-best friend Blair, whose VIP badge lets her walk straight to the front of every single line. No matter what, June is determined to make the best of her dream day at ZombieCon! But something’s not quite right at the con–there are strange people in hazmat suits running around, enthusiastic cosplayers taking their shambling a little too far, and someone actually biting a cast member. Then, at a panel gone wrong, June and her friends discover the truth: the zombie apocalypse is here. Now June, Imani, and Siggy must do whatever it takes to survive a horde of actual flesh-eating zombies–and save the world. A hilarious and heartfelt horror comedy, that is an ode to zombies, friendship, and girl power. In Good Hands by Stephanie MacKendrick Written for young women interested in running for office, this book is unlike any other, with inspiring stories of eighteen women role models along with the all the tools and resources needed to get a campaign off the ground. Stephanie MacKendrick, a former journalist now dedicated to women’s career advancement, believes the time for women in political leadership is now. Judging by the recent wave of activism that developed into a flood of women seeking elected office, she’s not alone. MacKendrick has created a one-of-kind insider’s guide for young women interested in joining this movement and becoming part of the political system. It explores everything from what to expect in a campaign, to how to deal with the inevitable challenges, to why it’s worth it to run. It combines uplifting stories of women who have run for office with practical strategies for doing so. Perfect as both a cover-to-cover read and a reference tool, the text is divided into three parts: first, engaging profiles that include the personal advice and encouragement of eighteen women who have run for office across the political spectrum, around the world and at all levels of politics, from Michelle Wu, past president of the Boston City Council, to Jacinda Ardern, prime minister of New Zealand; second, a detailed twelve-step campaign plan with advice on developing the qualities needed to run; and third, a collection of articles, books and organizations to help eager readers learn more. Also included is a foreword by Anne Moses, founder and president of IGNITE. Offering equal parts inspiration and information, this unique guidebook is just the thing to help young women transform ?I’ll think about it? into ?I’ll do it!? The Lightness of Hands by Jeff Garvin Sixteen-year-old Ellie Dante is desperate for something in her life to finally go right. Her father was a famous stage magician until he attempted an epic illusion on live TV―and failed. Now Ellie lives with her dad in a beat-up RV, attending high school online and performing with him at birthday parties and bars across the Midwest to make ends meet. But when the gigs dry up, their insurance lapses, leaving Dad’s heart condition unchecked and forcing Ellie to battle her bipolar II disorder without medication. Then Ellie receives a call from a famous magic duo, who offer fifteen thousand dollars and a shot at redemption: they want her father to perform the illusion that wrecked his career―on their live TV special, which shoots in Los Angeles in ten days. Ellie knows her dad will refuse―but she takes the deal anyway, then lies to persuade him to head west. With the help of her online-only best friend and an unusual guy she teams up with along the way, Ellie makes a plan to stage his comeback. But when her lie is exposed, she’ll have to confront her illness and her choices head-on to save her father―and herself. Raybearer by Jordan Ifueko Nothing is more important than loyalty. But what if you’ve sworn to protect the one you were born to destroy? Tarisai has always longed for the warmth of a family. She was raised in isolation by a mysterious, often absent mother known only as the Lady. The Lady sends her to the capital of the global empire of Aritsar to compete with other children to be chosen as one of the crown prince’s Council of 11. If she’s picked, she’ll be joined with the other council members through the Ray, a bond deeper than blood. That closeness is irresistible to Tarisai, who has always wanted to belong somewhere. But the Lady has other ideas, including a magical wish that Tarisai is compelled to obey: kill the crown prince once she gains his trust. Tarisai won’t stand by and become someone’s pawn – but is she strong enough to choose a different path for herself? With extraordinary world-building and breathtaking prose, Raybearer is the story of loyalty, fate, and the lengths we’re willing to go for the ones we love. Redemption Prep by Samuel Miller Everyone knows Emma. Neesha’s her best friend, Aiden’s her basketball star boyfriend, and Evan’s her shadow, following Emma’s every move. Emma stands out, which is hard to do at Redemption Prep, a school where every student has been handpicked to attend its remote campus in the forest of Utah. So when she goes missing in plain sight during mass, everyone notices. And everyone becomes a suspect, especially at a school with so many rules: Don’t skip mass. Don’t break curfew. Don’t go into the woods. Emma’s disappearance ignites an investigation, and Neesha, Aiden, and Evan all want to find her—for different reasons. But they each have their own secrets to hide, and not everyone wants Emma to be found. As the search continues, the students start to realize that they’re not the only ones trying to hide something. Redemption Prep has secrets, too—secrets bigger than any of the students could have imagined, and Emma could be the key to finding out the truth . . . if anyone can find her. This Boy by Lauren Myracle Paul Walden is not an alpha lobster, the hypermasculine crustacean king who intimidates the other male lobsters, beds all the lady lobsters, and “wins” at life. At least not according to the ego-bursting feedback he’s given in his freshman seminar. But Paul finds a funny, faithful friend in Roby Smalls, and maybe — oh god, please — he’s beginning to catch the interest of smart, beautiful Natalia Gutierrez. Cruising through high school as a sauced-out, rap-loving beta lobster suits Paul fine, and if life ever gets him down? Smoke a little weed, crunch a few pills . . . it’s all good. But in the treacherous currents of teenage culture, it’s easy to get pulled under. With perfect frankness, Lauren Myracle lays bare the life of one boy as he navigates friendship, love, loss, and addiction. It’s life at its most ordinary and most unforgettable. This Is My Brain on Love by I.W. Gregorio Jocelyn Wu has just three wishes for her junior year: To make it through without dying of boredom, to direct a short film with her BFF Priya Venkatram, and to get at least two months into the year without being compared to or confused with Peggy Chang, the only other Chinese girl in her grade. Will Domenici has two goals: to find a paying summer internship, and to prove he has what it takes to become an editor on his school paper. Then Jocelyn’s father tells her their family restaurant may be going under, and all wishes are off. Because her dad has the marketing skills of a dumpling, it’s up to Jocelyn and her unlikely new employee, Will, to bring A-Plus Chinese Garden into the 21st century (or, at least, to Facebook). What starts off as a rocky partnership soon grows into something more. But family prejudices and the uncertain future of A-Plus threaten to keep Will and Jocelyn apart. It will take everything they have and more, to save the family restaurant and their budding romance. 21 *The Deck of Omens by Christine Lynn Herman Though the Beast is seemingly subdued for now, a new threat lurks in Four Paths: a corruption seeping from the Gray into the forest. And with the other Founders preoccupied by their tangled alliances and fraying relationships, only May Hawthorne seems to realize the danger. But saving the town she loves means seeking aid from the person her family despises most — her father, Ezra Bishop. May’s father isn’t the only newcomer in town–Isaac Sullivan’s older brother has also returned, seeking forgiveness for the role he played in Isaac’s troubled past. But Isaac isn’t ready to let go of his family’s history, especially when that history might hold the key that he and Violet Saunders need to destroy the Gray and the monster within it. Harper Carlisle isn’t ready to forgive, either. Two devastating betrayals have left her isolated from her family and uncertain who to trust. As the corruption becomes impossible to ignore, Harper must learn to control her newfound powers in order to protect Four Paths. But the only people who can help her do that are the ones who have hurt her the most. With the veil between the Gray and the town growing ever thinner, the Founder descendants must put their grievances with one another aside to stop the corruption and kill the Beast once and for all. But the monster they truly need to slay may never been the Beast… The Easy Part of Impossible by Sarah Tomp Ria Williams was an elite diver on track for the Olympics. As someone who struggled in school, largely due to her ADHD, diving was the one place Ria could shine. But while her parents were focused on the trophies, no one noticed how Coach Benny’s strict rules and punishments controlled every aspect of Ria’s life. The harder he was on her, the sharper her focus. The bigger the bruise, the better the dive. Until a freak accident at a meet changes everything. Just like that, Ria is handed back her life, free of Benny. To fill her now empty and aimless days, Ria rekindles a friendship with Cotton, a guy she used to know back in elementary school. With Cotton, she’s able to open up about what Benny would do to her, and through Cotton’s eyes, Ria is able to see it for what it was: abuse. Then Benny returns, offering Ria a second chance with a life-changing diving opportunity. But it’s not hers alone—Benny’s coaching comes with it. The thought of being back under his control seems impossible to bear, but so does walking away. How do you separate the impossible from possible when the one thing you love is so tangled up in the thing you fear most? Kent State by Deborah Wiles May 4, 1970. Kent State University. As protestors roil the campus, National Guardsmen are called in. In the chaos of what happens next, shots are fired and four students are killed. To this day, there is still argument of what happened and why. Told in multiple voices from a number of vantage points — protestor, Guardsman, townie, student — Deborah Wiles’s Kent State gives a moving, terrifying, galvanizing picture of what happened that weekend in Ohio . . . an event that, even 50 years later, still resonates deeply. Late To The Party by Kelly Quindlen She’s never crashed a party, never stayed out too late. She’s never even been kissed. And it’s not just because she’s gay. It’s because she and her two best friends, Maritza and JaKory, spend more time in her basement watching Netflix than engaging with the outside world. So when Maritza and JaKory suggest crashing a party, Codi is highly skeptical. Those parties aren’t for kids like them. They’re for cool kids. Straight kids. But then Codi stumbles upon one of those cool kids, Ricky, kissing another boy in the dark, and an unexpected friendship is formed. In return for never talking about that kiss, Ricky takes Codi under his wing and draws her into a wild summer filled with late nights, new experiences, and one really cute girl named Lydia. The only problem? Codi never tells Maritza or JaKory about any of it. Nowhere on Earth by Nick Lake Sixteen-year-old Emily is on the run. Between her parents and the trouble she’s recently gotten into at school, she has more than enough reason to get away. But when she finds a little boy named Aidan wandering in the woods, she knows she needs to help him find his way home. But getting home is no easy matter, especially when Emily finds out that Aidan isn’t even from Earth. When their plane crashes into the side of a snowy mountain, it’s up to Emily to ensure Aidan and their pilot, Bob, make it off the mountain alive. Pursued by government forces who want to capture Aidan, the unlikely team of three trek across the freezing landscape, learning more about each other, and about life, than they ever thought possible. *An Outcast and An Ally by Caitlin Lochner Lai, Jay, Al, and Erik are on the run after the military accuses them of being traitors. Tensions between everyone are high, but they have to stick together if they want to survive. And somehow stop the war that’s now in full swing. But when Erik returns to the rebels to find answers about his past, Lai, Al, and Jay have no choice but to go to the Order—a peace coalition bent on stopping the rebels and dissolving the enmity between gifted and ungifted. However, the longer the war drags on, the more Lai’s long-kept secrets threaten to destroy everything she’s ever worked for. Sparks fly as the team constantly questions whether they can trust one another and everyone tries to navigate a war that will change everything. The Silence of Bones by June Hur I have a mouth, but I mustn’t speak; Ears, but I mustn’t hear; Eyes, but I mustn’t see. 1800, Joseon (Korea). Homesick and orphaned sixteen-year-old Seol is living out the ancient curse: “May you live in interesting times.” Indentured to the police bureau, she’s been tasked with assisting a well-respected young inspector with the investigation into the politically charged murder of a noblewoman. As they delve deeper into the dead woman’s secrets, Seol forms an unlikely bond of friendship with the inspector. But her loyalty is tested when he becomes the prime suspect, and Seol may be the only one capable of discovering what truly happened on the night of the murder. But in a land where silence and obedience are valued above all else, curiosity can be deadly. Time of Our Lives by Emily Wibberley, Austin Siegemund-Broka Fitz Holton waits in fear for the day his single mother’s early-onset Alzheimer’s starts stealing her memory. He’s vowed to stay close to home to care for her in the years to come–never mind the ridiculous college tour she’s forcing him on to visit schools where he knows he’ll never go. Juniper Ramirez is counting down the days until she can leave home, a home crowded with five younger siblings and zero privacy. Against the wishes of her tight-knit family, Juniper plans her own college tour of the East Coast with one goal: get out. When Fitz and Juniper cross paths on their first college tour in Boston, they’re at odds from the moment they meet– while Juniper’s dying to start a new life apart from her family, Fitz faces the sacrifices he must make for his. Their relationship sparks a deep connection–in each other’s eyes, they glimpse alternate possibilities regarding the first big decision of their adult lives. Time of Our Lives is a story of home and away, of the wonder and weight of memory, of outgrowing fears and growing into the future. Unscripted by Nicole Kronzer Seventeen-year-old Zelda Bailey-Cho has her future all planned out: improv camp, then Second City, and finally Saturday Night Live. She’s thrilled when she lands a spot on the coveted varsity team at a prestigious improv camp, which means she’ll get to perform for professional scouts – including her hero, Nina Knightley. But even though she’s hardworking and talented, Zelda’s also the only girl on Varsity, so she’s a target for humiliation from her teammates. And her 20-year-old coach Ben is cruel to her at practice and way too nice to her when they’re alone…. Zelda wants to fight back, but is sacrificing her best shot at her dream too heavy a price to pay? 28 All Boys Aren’t Blue by George M. Johnson In a series of personal essays, prominent journalist and LGBTQIA+ activist George M. Johnson explores his childhood, adolescence, and college years in New Jersey and Virginia. From the memories of getting his teeth kicked out by bullies at age five, to flea marketing with his loving grandmother, to his first sexual relationships, this young-adult memoir weaves together the trials and triumphs faced by Black queer boys. Both a primer for teens eager to be allies as well as a reassuring testimony for young queer men of color, All Boys Aren’t Blue covers topics such as gender identity, toxic masculinity, brotherhood, family, structural marginalization, consent, and Black joy. Johnson’s emotionally frank style of writing will appeal directly to young adults. Clique Bait by Ann Valett Chloe Whittaker is out for revenge. Last year her best friend Monica’s life was unceremoniously ruined by the most popular students at their high school, so this year Chloe plans to take each and every one of them down. She’s traded in her jeans and T-shirts for the latest designer clothes, erased anything on social media that would tie her to Monica (and blow her cover), and carefully figured out how she will befriend the members of the clique, find out their deepest and darkest secrets, and reveal them to the world. Chloe has the perfect plan . . . but there’s one thing she didn’t prepare for. And that’s falling for someone she’s determined to destroy. The closer she gets to uncovering the secrets the in-crowd is determined to cover up, the more she realizes that she is going to have to choose between betraying her oldest friend or the boy who’s captured her heart Don’t Call The Wolf by Aleksandra Ross A fierce young queen, neither human nor lynx, who fights to protect a forest humans have long abandoned. An exhausted young soldier, last of his name, who searches for the brother who disappeared beneath those trees without a trace. A Golden Dragon, fearsome and vengeful, whose wingbeats haunt their nightmares and their steps. When these three paths cross at the fringes of a war between monsters and men, shapeshifter queen and reluctant hero strike a deal that may finally turn the tide against the rising hordes of darkness. Ren will help Lukasz find his brother…if Lukasz promises to slay the Dragon. But promises are all too easily broken. Hard Wired by Len Vlahos Quinn thinks he’s a normal fifteen year-old. He plays video games, spends time with his friends, and crushes on a girl named Shea. But a shocking secret brings his entire world crashing down: he’s not a boy. He’s artificial intelligence. After Quinn “wakes up,” he sees his world was nothing more than a virtual construct. He’s the QUantum INtelligence Project, the first fully-aware A.I. in the world–part of a grand multi-billion-dollar experiment led by the very man he believed to be his dead father. But as Quinn encounters the real world for the first time, his life becomes a nightmare. While the scientists continue to experiment on him, Quinn must come to grips with the truth: his mom and brother don’t exist. His friends are all adults who were paid to hang out with him. Even other super computers aren’t like him. Quinn finds himself completely alone–until he bonds with Shea, the real girl behind the virtual one. As Quinn explores what it means to truly live, he questions who he can trust. What will it take to win his freedom . . . and where does he belong? *Incendiary by Zoraida Cordova I am Renata Convida. I have lived a hundred stolen lives. Now I live my own. Renata was only a child when she was kidnapped by the King’s Justice and brought to the luxurious palace of Andalucia. As a memory thief, the rarest and most feared of the magical Moria, Renata was used by the crown to carry out the King’s Wrath, a siege that resulted in the deaths of thousands of her own people. Now Renata is one of the Whispers, rebel spies working against the crown. The Whispers may have rescued Renata years ago, but she cannot escape their mistrust and hatred-or the overpowering memories of the hundreds of souls she drained during her time in the palace. When Dez, the commander of her unit-and the boy she’s grown to love-is taken captive by the notorious Principe Dorado, Renata must return to Andalucia and complete Dez’s top secret mission herself. Can she keep her cover, even as she burns for vengeance against the brutal, enigmatic prince? Her life and the fate of the Moria depend on it. But returning to the palace stirs childhood memories long locked away. As Renata grows more deeply embedded in the politics of the royal court, she uncovers a secret in her past that could change the fate of the entire kingdom-and end the war that has cost her everything. May 5 Admission by Julie Buxbaum It’s good to be Chloe Wynn Berringer. She’s headed off to the college of her dreams. She’s going to prom with the boy she’s had a crush on since middle school. Her best friend always has her back, and her mom, a B-list Hollywood celebrity, may finally be on her way to the B+ list. It’s good to be Chloe Wynn Berringer–at least, it was, until the FBI came knocking on her front door, guns at the ready, and her future went up in smoke. Now her mother is under arrest in a massive college admissions bribery scandal. Chloe, too, might be facing charges, and even time behind bars. The public is furious, the press is rabid, and the US attorney is out for blood. As she loses everything she’s long taken for granted, Chloe must reckon not only with the truth of what happened, but also with the examination of her own guilt. Why did her parents think the only way for her to succeed was to cheat for her? What did she know, and when did she know it? And perhaps most importantly, what does it mean to be complicit? *Aurora Burning by Amie Kaufman and Jay Kristoff First, the bad news: An ancient evil – you know, your standard consume-all-life-in-the-galaxy deal – is about to be unleashed. The good news? Squad 312 is standing by to save the day. They’ve just got to take care of a few small distractions first. Like the clan of gremps who’d like to rearrange their favorite faces. And the cadre of illegit GIA agents with creepy flowers where their eyes used to be, who’ll stop at nothing to get their hands on Auri. Then there’s Kal’s long-lost sister, who’s not exactly happy to see her baby brother and has a Syldrathi army at her back. With half the known galaxy on their tails, Squad 312 has never felt so wanted. When they learn the Hadfield has been found, it’s time to come out of hiding. Two centuries ago, the colony ship vanished, leaving Auri as its sole survivor. Now, its black box might be what saves them. But time is short, and if Auri can’t learn to master her powers as a Trigger, the squad and all their admirers are going to be deader than the Great Ultrasaur of Abraaxis IV. Shocking revelations, bank heists, mysterious gifts, inappropriately tight bodysuits, and an epic firefight will determine the fate of the Aurora Legion’s most unforgettable heroes – and maybe the rest of the galaxy as well. The Betrothed by Kiera Cass A would-be queen. A handsome young king. A perfect match…or is it? From the number one New York Times best-selling author of the Selection series comes The Betrothed, a glittering royal romance sure to captivate her legion of loyal fans and lovers of courtly intrigue alike. When King Jameson declares his love for Lady Hollis Brite, Hollis is shocked – and thrilled. After all, she’s grown up at Keresken Castle, vying for the king’s attention alongside other daughters of the nobility. Capturing his heart is a dream come true. But Hollis soon realizes that falling in love with a king and being crowned queen may not be the happily ever after she thought it would be. And when she meets a commoner with the mysterious power to see right into her heart, she finds that the future she really wants is one that she never thought to imagine. Chasing Lucky by Jenn Bennett Sometimes to find the good, you have to embrace the bad.  Budding photographer Josie Saint-Martin has spent half her life with her single mother, moving from city to city. When they return to her historical New England hometown years later to run the family bookstore, Josie knows it’s not forever. Her dreams are on the opposite coast, and she has a plan to get there. What she doesn’t plan for is a run-in with the town bad boy, Lucky Karras. Outsider, rebel…and her former childhood best friend. Lucky makes it clear he wants nothing to do with the newly returned Josie. But everything changes after a disastrous pool party, and a poorly executed act of revenge lands Josie in some big-time trouble—with Lucky unexpectedly taking the blame. Determined to understand why Lucky was so quick to cover for her, Josie discovers that both of them have changed, and that the good boy she once knew now has a dark sense of humor and a smile that makes her heart race. And maybe, just maybe, he’s not quite the brooding bad boy everyone thinks he is… Clap When You Land by Elizabeth Acevedo Camino Rios lives for the summers when her father visits her in the Dominican Republic. But this time, on the day when his plane is supposed to land, Camino arrives at the airport to see crowds of crying people… In New York City, Yahaira Rios is called to the principal’s office, where her mother is waiting to tell her that her father, her hero, has died in a plane crash. Separated by distance—and Papi’s secrets—the two girls are forced to face a new reality in which their father is dead and their lives are forever altered. And then, when it seems like they’ve lost everything of their father, they learn of each other. *Dark Skies by Danielle L. Jensen A RUNAWAY WITH A HIDDEN PAST Lydia is a scholar, but books are her downfall when she meddles in the plots of the most powerful man in the Celendor Empire. Her life in danger, she flees west to the far side of the Endless Seas and finds herself entangled in a foreign war where her burgeoning powers are sought by both sides. A COMMANDER IN DISGRACE Killian is Marked by the God of War, but his gifts fail him when the realm under the dominion of the Corrupter invades Mudamora. Disgraced, he swears his sword to the kingdom’s only hope: the crown princess. But the choice sees him caught up in a web of political intrigue that will put his oath – and his heart – to the test. A KINGDOM UNDER SIEGE With Mudamora falling beneath the armies of the Corrupter, Lydia and Killian strike a bargain to save those they love most―but it is a bargain with unintended and disastrous consequences. Truths are revealed, birthrights claimed, and loyalties questioned―all while a menace deadlier and more far-reaching than they realize sweeps across the world. Don’t Ask Me Where I’m From by Jennifer De Leon Liliana Cruz is a hitting a wall—or rather, walls. There’s the wall her mom has put up ever since Liliana’s dad left—again. There’s the wall that delineates Liliana’s diverse inner-city Boston neighborhood from Westburg, the wealthy—and white—suburban high school she’s just been accepted into. And there’s the wall Liliana creates within herself, because to survive at Westburg, she can’t just lighten up, she has to whiten up. So what if she changes her name? So what if she changes the way she talks? So what if she’s seeing her neighborhood in a different way? But then light is shed on some hard truths: It isn’t that her father doesn’t want to come home—he can’t…and her whole family is in jeopardy. And when racial tensions at school reach a fever pitch, the walls that divide feel insurmountable. But a wall isn’t always a barrier. It can be a foundation for something better. And Liliana must choose: Use this foundation as a platform to speak her truth, or risk crumbling under its weight. The Extraordinaries by TJ Klune Nick Bell? Not extraordinary. But being the most popular fanfiction writer in the Extraordinaries fandom is a superpower, right? After a chance encounter with Shadow Star, Nova City’s mightiest hero (and Nick’s biggest crush), Nick sets out to make himself extraordinary. And he’ll do it with or without the reluctant help of Seth Gray, Nick’s best friend (and maybe the love of his life). Rainbow Rowell’s Fangirl meets Marissa Meyer’s Renegades in TJ Klune’s YA debut. *Forged In Fire and Stars by Andrea Robertson Ara has always known the legend of the Loresmith: the blacksmith who served alongside the kings and queens of Saetlund, forging legendary weapons to arm warriors and protect the kingdom. She’s been told it’s her fate to inherit the title and become the next Loresmith. But since the monarchy’s downfall in a vicious conquest years before, Ara has never truly believed she would be able to take up her duty. But when the lost Princess Nimhea and Prince Eamon steal Ara from her quiet life with a mission to retake the throne and return Ara to her place as the Loresmith–Ara’s whole world turns upside down. Suddenly, Ara must leave her small mountain village and embark on a dangerous adventure where she will uncover new truths about her family’s legacy, and even face the gods themselves. With a mysterious thief as an unexpected companion, and dark forces following their every move, Ara must use all her skills to forge the right path forward–for herself, her kingdom, and her heart. The Invincible Summer of Juniper Jones by Daven McQueen It’s the summer of 1955. For Ethan Harper, a biracial kid raised mostly by his white father, race has always been a distant conversation. When he’s sent to spend the summer with his aunt and uncle in small-town Alabama, his Blackness is suddenly front and center, and no one is shy about making it known he’s not welcome there. Except for Juniper Jones. The town’s resident oddball and free spirit, she’s everything the townspeople aren’t―open, kind, and full of acceptance. Armed with two bikes and an unlimited supply of root beer floats, Ethan and Juniper set out to find their place in a town that’s bent on rejecting them. As Ethan is confronted for the first time by what it means to be Black in America, Juniper tries to help him see the beauty in even the ugliest reality, and that even the darkest days can give rise to an invincible summer. Daven McQueen’s Juniper Jones is a character for all ages in this sweet coming of age story set in 1950s Alabama. Last Girls by Demetra Brodsky No one knows how the world will end. On a secret compound in the Washington wilderness, Honey Juniper and her sisters are training to hunt, homestead, and protect their own. Prepare for every situation. But when danger strikes from within, putting her sisters at risk, training becomes real life, and only one thing is certain: Nowhere is safe. The LiFe and Medieval Times of Kit SweetLy by Jamie Pacton Working as a Wench—i.e. waitress—at a cheesy medieval-themed restaurant in the Chicago suburbs, Kit Sweetly dreams of being a Knight like her brother. She has the moves, is capable on a horse, and desperately needs the raise that comes with knighthood, so she can help her mom pay the mortgage and hold a spot at her dream college. Company policy allows only guys to be Knights. So when Kit takes her brother’s place, clobbers the Green Knight, and reveals her identity at the end of the show, she rockets into internet fame and a whole lot of trouble with the management. But this Girl Knight won’t go down without a fight. As other Wenches and cast members join her quest, a protest forms. In a joust before Castle executives, they’ll prove that gender restrictions should stay medieval—if they don’t get fired first. *Lobizona by Romina Garber Some people ARE illegal. Lobizonas do NOT exist. Both of these statements are false. Manuela Azul has been crammed into an existence that feels too small for her. As an undocumented immigrant who’s on the run from her father’s Argentine crime-family, Manu is confined to a small apartment and a small life in Miami, Florida. Until Manu’s protective bubble is shattered. Her surrogate grandmother is attacked, lifelong lies are exposed, and her mother is arrested by ICE. Without a home, without answers, and finally without shackles, Manu investigates the only clue she has about her past—a mysterious “Z” emblem—which leads her to a secret world buried within our own. A world connected to her dead father and his criminal past. A world straight out of Argentine folklore, where the seventh consecutive daughter is born a bruja and the seventh consecutive son is a lobizón, a werewolf. A world where her unusual eyes allow her to belong. As Manu uncovers her own story and traces her real heritage all the way back to a cursed city in Argentina, she learns it’s not just her U.S. residency that’s illegal. . . .it’s her entire existence. The Mermaid, The Witch, and The Sea by Maggie Tokuda-Hall Aboard the pirate ship Dove, Flora the girl takes on the identity of Florian the man to earn the respect and protection of the crew. For Flora, former starving urchin, the brutal life of a pirate is about survival: don’t trust, don’t stick out, and don’t feel. But on this voyage, Flora is drawn to the Lady Evelyn Hasegawa, who is headed to an arranged marriage she dreads. Flora doesn’t expect to be taken under Evelyn’s wing, and Evelyn doesn’t expect to find such a deep bond with the pirate Florian. Neither expects to fall in love. Soon the unlikely pair set in motion a wild escape that will free a captured mermaid (coveted for her blood) and involve the mysterious Pirate Supreme, an opportunistic witch, double agents, and the all-encompassing Sea herself. Deftly entwining swashbuckling action and quiet magic, Maggie Tokuda-Hall’s inventive debut novel conjures a diverse cast of characters seeking mastery over their fates while searching for answers to big questions about identity, power, and love. My Summer of Love and Misfortune by Lindsay Wong Iris Wang is having a bit of a rough start to her summer: Her boyfriend cheated on her, she didn’t get into any colleges, and she has no idea who she is or what she wants to do with her life. She’s always felt torn about being Chinese-American, feeling neither Chinese nor American enough to claim either identity. She’s just a sad pizza combo from Domino’s, as far as she’s concerned. In an attempt to snap her out of her funk, Iris’s parents send her away to visit family in Beijing, with the hopes that Iris would “reconnect with her culture” and “find herself.” Iris resents the condescension, but even she admits that this might be a good opportunity to hit the reset button on the apocalyptic disaster that has become her life. With this trip, Iris expects to eat a few dumplings, meet some family, and visit a tourist hotspot or two. Instead, she gets swept up in the ridiculous, opulent world of Beijing’s wealthy elite, leading her to unexpected and extraordinary discoveries about her family, her future, and herself. Running by Natalia Sylvester Fifteen-year-old Cuban-American Marianna Ruiz’s father has been a politician Mari’s entire life, but when he runs for president, Mari’s family is subjected to a new level of exposure, and Mari starts to see her dad with new eyes. A novel about privacy, waking up and standing up, and what happens when you stop seeing your dad as your hero—while the whole country is watching. *Spiked by Jon McGoran Committed to both peace and human rights for chimeras–people who alter themselves with animal DNA–seventeen-year-old Jimi Corcoran is torn when she’s invited to a gathering of moderate pro- and anti-chimera rights activists seeking to find common ground. But when a militant chimera rights group prevents her from attending–and saves her from being killed by the bomb they’ve planted–Jimi herself falls under suspicion for the blast. Seeking to clear her name, Jimi and her chimera boyfriend, Rex, investigate the mysterious group. . . . only to discover that her involvement is no accident. As they dig deeper, they’re drawn into a whirlwind of secret identities, shocking experiments, and an apocalyptic plot that threatens the future of humanity. In this thrilling conclusion to Jon McGoran’s timely and heavy-hitting Spliced series, extremists on both sides square off in an escalating battle between competing visions of the future of humanity, and of the Earth. Set in a near-future society where science is both celebrated and vilified, the Spliced series tackles weighty questions about genetic manipulation, artificial intelligence, population control–and when, if ever, revolution is worth a life. War and Speech by Don Zolidis Not everyone can be a winner…and Sydney Williams knows this better than anyone. After her white-collar- criminal dad is sent to prison, Sydney fails almost all of her classes and moves into a dingy apartment with her mom, who can barely support them with her minimum-wage job at the mall. A new school promises a fresh start. Except Eaganville isn’t exactly like other high schools. It’s ruled with an iron fist by a speech team that embodies the most extreme winner-takes-all philosophy. Sydney is befriended by a group of fellow misfits, each of whom has been personally victimized by the speech team. It turns out Sydney is the perfect plant to take down the speech team from within. With the help of her co-conspirators, Sydney throws herself into making Nationals in speech, where she will be poised to topple the corrupt regime. But what happens when Sydney realizes she actually has a shot at . . . winning? Sydney lost everything because of her dad’s obsession with being on top. Winning at speech might just be her ticket out of a life of loserdom. Can she really walk away from that? When You Get The Chance by Tom Ryan and Robin Stevenson As kids, Mark and his cousin Talia spent many happy summers together at the family cottage in Ontario, but a fight between their parents put an end to the annual event. Living on opposite coasts — Mark in Halifax and Talia in Victoria — they haven’t seen each other in years. When their grandfather dies unexpectedly, Mark and Talia find themselves reunited at the cottage once again, cleaning it out while the family decides what to do with it. Mark and Talia are both queer, but they soon realize that’s about all they have in common, other than the fact that they’d both prefer to be in Toronto. Talia is desperate to see her high school sweetheart Erin, who’s barely been in touch since leaving to spend the summer working at a coffee shop in the Gay Village. Mark, on the other hand, is just looking for some fun, and Toronto Pride seems like the perfect place to find it. When a series of complications throws everything up in the air, Mark and Talia — with Mark’s little sister Paige in tow — decide to hit the road for Toronto. With a bit of luck, and some help from a series of unexpected new friends, they might just make it to the big city and find what they’re looking for. That is, if they can figure out how to start seeing things through each other’s eyes. 12 By The Book by Amanda Sellet Mary Porter-Malcolm has prepared for high school in the one way she knows how: an extensive review of classic literature to help navigate the friendships, romantic liaisons, and overall drama she has come to expect from such an “esteemed” institution. When some new friends seem in danger of falling for the same tricks employed since the days of Austen and Tolstoy, Mary swoops in to create the Scoundrel Survival Guide, using archetypes of literature’s debonair bad boys to signal red flags. But despite her best efforts, she soon finds herself unable to listen to her own good advice and falling for a supposed cad—the same one she warned her friends away from. Without a convenient rain-swept moor to flee to, Mary is forced to admit that real life doesn’t follow the same rules as fiction and that if she wants a happy ending, she’s going to have to write it herself. The Boy in the Red Dress by Kristin Lambert A Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue meets Miss Fisher’s Murder Mystery in this rollicking romp of truth, lies, and troubled pasts. New Year’s Eve, 1929.  Millie is running the show at the Cloak & Dagger, a swinging speakeasy in the French Quarter, while her aunt is out of town. The new year is just around the corner, and all of New Orleans is out to celebrate, but even wealthy partiers’ diamond earrings can’t outshine the real star of the night: the boy in the red dress. Marion is the club’s star performer and his fans are legion–if mostly underground. When a young socialite wielding a photograph of Marion starts asking questions, Millie wonders if she’s just another fan. But then her body is found crumpled in the courtyard, dead from an apparent fall off the club’s balcony, and all signs point to Marion as the murderer. Millie knows he’s innocent, but local detectives aren’t so easily convinced. As she chases clues that lead to cemeteries and dead ends, Millie’s attention is divided between the wry and beautiful Olive, a waitress at the Cloak & Dagger, and Bennie, the charming bootlegger who’s offered to help her solve the case. The clock is ticking for the fugitive Marion, but the truth of who the killer is might be closer than Millie thinks. Dear Universe by Florence Gonsalves It’s senior year, and Chamomile Myles has whiplash from traveling between her two universes: school (the relentless countdown to prom, torturous college applications, and the mindless march toward an uncertain future) and home, where she wrestles a slow, bitter battle with her father’s terminal illness. Enter Brendan, a man-bun-and tutu-wearing hospital volunteer with a penchant for absurdity, who strides boldly between her worlds–and helps her open up a new road between them. Felix Ever After by Kacen Callender Felix Love has never been in love – and, yes, he’s painfully aware of the irony. He desperately wants to know what it’s like and why it seems so easy for everyone but him to find someone. What’s worse is that, even though he is proud of his identity, Felix also secretly fears that he’s one marginalization too many – Black, queer, and transgender – to ever get his own happily-ever-after. When an anonymous student begins sending him transphobic messages – after publicly posting Felix’s deadname alongside images of him before he transitioned – Felix comes up with a plan for revenge. What he didn’t count on: his catfish scenario landing him in a quasi-love triangle…. But as he navigates his complicated feelings, Felix begins a journey of questioning and self-discovery that helps redefine his most important relationship: how he feels about himself. Felix Ever After is an honest and layered story about identity, falling in love, and recognizing the love you deserve. The Girl In The White Van by April Henry When Savannah disappears soon after arguing with her mom’s boyfriend, everyone assumes she’s run away. The truth is much worse. She’s been kidnapped by a man in a white van who locks her in an old trailer home, far from prying eyes. And worse yet, Savannah’s not alone: ten months earlier, Jenny met the same fate and nearly died trying to escape. Now as the two girls wonder if he will hold them captive forever or kill them, they must join forces to break out—even if it means they die trying. Girl, Serpent, Thorn by Melissa Bashardoust There was and there was not, as all stories begin, a princess cursed to be poisonous to the touch. But for Soraya, who has lived her life hidden away, apart from her family, safe only in her gardens, it’s not just a story. As the day of her twin brother’s wedding approaches, Soraya must decide if she’s willing to step outside of the shadows for the first time. Below in the dungeon is a demon who holds knowledge that she craves, the answer to her freedom. And above is a young man who isn’t afraid of her, whose eyes linger not with fear, but with an understanding of who she is beneath the poison. Soraya thought she knew her place in the world, but when her choices lead to consequences she never imagined, she begins to question who she is and who she is becoming…human or demon. Princess or monster. The Henna Wars by (Book Riot Contributor) Adiba Jaigirdar Nishat doesn’t want to lose her family, but she also doesn’t want to hide who she is, and it only gets harder once a childhood friend walks back into her life. Flávia is beautiful and charismatic, and Nishat falls for her instantly. But when a school competition invites students to create their own businesses, both Flávia and Nishat decide to showcase their talent as henna artists. In a fight to prove who is the best, their lives become more tangled—but Nishat can’t quite get rid of her crush, especially since Flávia seems to like her back. As the competition heats up, Nishat has a decision to make: stay in the closet for her family, or put aside her differences with Flávia and give their relationship a chance. *House of Dragons by Jessica Cluess When the Emperor dies, the five royal houses of Etrusia attend the Call, where one of their own will be selected to compete for the throne. It is always the oldest child, the one who has been preparing for years to compete in the Trial. But this year is different. This year these five outcasts will answer the call. . . . THE LIAR: Emilia must hide her dark magic or be put to death. THE SOLDIER: Lucian is a warrior who has sworn to never lift a sword again. THE SERVANT: Vespir is a dragon trainer whose skills alone will keep her in the game. THE THIEF: Ajax knows that nothing is free–he must take what he wants. THE MURDERER: Hyperia was born to rule and will stop at nothing to take her throne. In Search of Safety: Voices of Refugees by Susan Kuklin Five refugees recount their courageous journeys to America — and the unimaginable struggles that led them to flee their homelands — in a powerful work from the author of Beyond Magentaand We Are Here to Stay. “From 1984, when I was born, until July 16, 2017, when I arrived in the United States, I never lived in a place where there was no war.” — Fraidoon An Iraqi woman who survived capture by ISIS. A Sudanese teen growing up in civil war and famine. An Afghan interpreter for the U.S. Army living under threat of a fatwa. They are among the five refugees who share their stories in award-winning author and photographer Susan Kuklin’s latest masterfully crafted narrative. The five, originally from Afghanistan, Myanmar, South Sudan, Iraq, and Burundi, give gripping first-person testimonies about what it is like to flee war, face violent threats, grow up in a refugee camp, be sold into slavery, and resettle in America. Illustrated with full-color photographs of the refugees’ new lives in Nebraska, this work is essential reading for understanding the devastating impact of war and persecution — and the power of resilience, optimism, and the will to survive. Included in the end matter are chapter notes, information on resettlement and U.S. citizenship, historical time lines of war and political strife in the refugees’ countries of origin, resources for further reading, and an index. More Than Maybe by Erin Hahn Growing up under his punk rocker dad’s spotlight, eighteen-year-old Luke Greenly knows fame and wants nothing to do with it. His real love isn’t in front of a crowd, it’s on the page. Hiding his gift and secretly hoarding songs in his bedroom at night, he prefers the anonymous comfort of the locally popular podcast he co-hosts with his outgoing and meddling, far-too-jealousy-inspiringly-happy-with-his-long-term-boyfriend twin brother, Cullen. But that’s not Luke’s only secret. He also has a major un-requited crush on music blogger, Vada Carsewell. Vada’s got a five year plan: secure a job at the Loud Lizard to learn from local legend (and her mom’s boyfriend) Phil Josephs (check), take over Phil’s music blog (double check), get accepted into Berkeley’s prestigious music journalism program (check, check, check), manage Ann Arbor’s summer concert series and secure a Rolling Stone internship. Luke Greenly is most definitely NOT on the list. So what if his self-deprecating charm and out of this world music knowledge makes her dizzy? Or his brother just released a bootleg recording of Luke singing about some mystery girl on their podcast and she really, really wishes it was her? In More Than Maybe, Erin Hahn’s swooniest book yet, Luke and Vada must decide how deep their feelings run and what it would mean to give love a try. Private Lessons by Cynthia Salaysay After seventeen-year-old Claire Alalay’s father’s death, only music has helped her channel her grief. Claire likes herself best when she plays his old piano, a welcome escape from the sadness — and her traditional Filipino mother’s prayer groups. In the hopes of earning a college scholarship, Claire auditions for Paul Avon, a prominent piano teacher, who agrees to take Claire as a pupil. Soon Claire loses herself in Paul’s world and his way of digging into a composition’s emotional core. She practices constantly, foregoing a social life, but no matter how hard she works or how well she plays, it seems impossible to gain Paul’s approval, let alone his affection. Author Cynthia Salaysay composes a moving, beautifully written portrait of rigorous perfectionism, sexual awakening, and the challenges of self-acceptance. Timely and vital, Private Lessons delves into a complicated student/teacher relationship, as well as class and cultural differences, with honesty and grace. Say Yes Summer by Lindsey Roth Culli The perfect book to kick off summer! For as long as Rachel Brooks can remember, she’s had capital-G Goals: straight As, academic scholarship, college of her dreams. And it’s all paid off–after years of following the rules and acing every exam, Rachel is graduating at the top of her class and ready to celebrate by . . . doing absolutely nothing. Because Rachel Brooks has spent most of high school saying no. No to dances, no to parties, and most especially, no to boys. Now, for the first time in her life, there’s nothing stopping Rachel from having a little fun–nothing, that is, except herself. So when she stumbles on a beat up old self-help book–A SEASON OF YES!–a crazy idea pops into her head: What if she just said yes to . . . everything? And so begins a summer of yes. Yes to new experiences and big mistakes, yes to rekindled friendships and unexpected romances, yes to seeing the world in a whole new way. This book is a fresh and fun take on the coming-of-age novel that explores the quintessential themes of growing up: taking risks, making mistakes, and, of course, love. And who knows? The Summer of Impossibilities by Rachael Allen Skyler, Ellie, Scarlett, and Amelia Grace are forced to spend the summer at the lake house where their moms became best friends. One can’t wait. One would rather gnaw off her own arm than hang out with a bunch of strangers just so their moms can drink too much wine and sing Journey at two o’clock in the morning. Two are sisters. Three are currently feuding with their mothers. One is hiding how bad her joint pain has gotten. All of them are hiding something. One falls in love with a boy she thought she despised. One almost sets her crush on fire with a flaming marshmallow. One has a crush that could change everything. None of them are the same at the end of the summer. 19 Atomic Women by Roseanne Montillo Bomb meets Code Girls in this nonfiction narrative about the little-known female scientists who were critical to the invention of the atomic bomb during World War II. They were leaning over the edge of the unknown and afraid of what they would discover there: Meet the World War II female scientists who worked in the secret sites of the Manhattan Project. Recruited not only from labs and universities from across the United States but also from countries abroad, these scientists helped in — and often initiated — the development of the atomic bomb, taking starring roles in the Manhattan Project. In fact, their involvement was critical to its success, though many of them were not fully aware of the consequences. The atomic women include: Lise Meitner and Irène Joliot-Curie (daughter of Marie Curie), who led the groundwork for the Manhattan Project from Europe; Elizabeth Rona, the foremost expert in plutonium, who gave rise to the “Fat Man” and “Little Boy,” the bombs dropped over Japan; Leona Woods, Elizabeth Graves, and Joan Hinton, who were inspired by European scientific ideals but carved their own paths. This book explores not just the critical steps toward the creation of a successful nuclear bomb, but also the moral implications of such an invention. *Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes by Suzanne Collins Ambition will fuel him. Competition will drive him. But power has its price. It is the morning of the reaping that will kick off the tenth annual Hunger Games. In the Capitol, eighteen-year-old Coriolanus Snow is preparing for his one shot at glory as a mentor in the Games. The once-mighty house of Snow has fallen on hard times, its fate hanging on the slender chance that Coriolanus will be able to outcharm, outwit, and outmaneuver his fellow students to mentor the winning tribute. The odds are against him. He’s been given the humiliating assignment of mentoring the female tribute from District 12, the lowest of the low. Their fates are now completely intertwined — every choice Coriolanus makes could lead to favor or failure, triumph or ruin. Inside the arena, it will be a fight to the death. Outside the arena, Coriolanus starts to feel for his doomed tribute . . . and must weigh his need to follow the rules against his desire to survive no matter what it takes. Breath Like Water by Anna Jarzab Susannah Ramos has always loved the water. A swimmer whose early talent made her a world champion, Susannah was poised for greatness in a sport that demands so much of its young. But an inexplicable slowdown has put her dream in jeopardy, and Susannah is fighting to keep her career afloat when two important people enter her life: a new coach with a revolutionary training strategy, and a charming fellow swimmer named Harry Matthews. As Susannah begins her long and painful climb back to the top, her friendship with Harry blossoms into passionate and supportive love. But Harry is facing challenges of his own, and even as their bond draws them closer together, other forces work to tear them apart. As she struggles to balance her needs with those of the people who matter most to her, Susannah will learn the cost—and the beauty—of trying to achieve something extraordinary. Date Me, Bryson Keller by Kevin van Whye Everyone knows about the dare: Each week, Bryson Keller must date someone new–the first person to ask him out on Monday morning. Few think Bryson can do it. He may be the king of Fairvale Academy, but he’s never really dated before. Until a boy asks him out, and everything changes. Kai Sheridan didn’t expect Bryson to say yes. So when Bryson agrees to secretly go out with him, Kai is thrown for a loop. But as the days go by, he discovers there’s more to Bryson beneath the surface, and dating him begins to feel less like an act and more like the real thing. Kai knows how the story of a gay boy liking someone straight ends. With his heart on the line, he’s awkwardly trying to navigate senior year at school, at home, and in the closet, all while grappling with the fact that this “relationship” will last only five days. After all, Bryson Keller is popular, good-looking, and straight . . . right? Kevin van Whye delivers an uplifting and poignant coming-out love story that will have readers rooting for these two teens to share their hearts with the world–and with each other. I Am Here Now by Barbara Bottner Set in the 1960s, Barbara Bottner’s I Am Here Now is a beautiful novel in verse about one artist’s coming of age. It’s a heartbreaking, powerful and inspiring depiction of what it’s like to shatter your life―and piece it all back together. You can’t trust Life to give you decent parents, or beautiful eyes, a fine French accent or an outstanding flair for fashion. No, Life does what it wants. It’s sneaky as a thief. Maisie’s first day of High school should be exciting, but all she wants is to escape. Her world is lonely and chaotic, with an abusive mother and a father who’s rarely there to help. So when Maisie, who finds refuge in her art, meets the spirited Rachel and her mother, a painter, she catches a glimpse of a very different world―one full of life, creativity, and love―and latches on. But as she discovers her strengths through Rachel’s family, Maisie, increasingly desperate, finds herself risking new friendships, and the very future she’s searching for. Just a Boy and a Girl in a Little Canoe by Sarah Mlynowski Sam’s summer isn’t off to a great start. Her boyfriend, Eli, ditched her for a European backpacking trip, and now she’s a counselor at Camp Blue Springs: the summer camp her eleven-year-old self swore never to return to. Sam expects the next seven weeks to be a total disaster. That is, until she meets Gavin, the camp’s sailing instructor, who turns her expectations upside down. Gavin may have gotten the job just for his abs. Or that smile. Or the way he fills Sam’s free time with thrilling encounters—swimming under a cascade of stars, whispering secrets over s’mores, embarking on one (very precarious) canoe ride after dark. It’s absurd. After all, Sam loves Eli. But one totally absurd, completely off-the-wall summer may be just what Sam needs. And maybe, just maybe, it will teach her something about what she really wants. Poisoned Water: How The Citizens of Flint, Michigan, Fought For Their Lives and Warned The Nation by Candy J. Cooper and Marc Aronson In 2014, the residents of Flint, Michigan noticed that their water was a copper hue and smelled and tasted like sulfur. Some began using bottled water, but many of those who didn’t started to experience rashes, hair loss, and a frightening, dehabilitating illness. Still, city officials claimed water tests were normal. It wasn’t until nearly a year later when Flint resident Lee Ann Walters sent a water sample to the Environmental Protection Agency herself that the truth came out: the citizens of Flint where being poisoned by their own water supply. *This Coven Won’t Break by Isabel Sterling Hannah Walsh just wants to finish high school. It’s her senior year, so she should be focusing on classes, hanging out with her best friend, and flirting with her new girlfriend, Morgan. But it turns out surviving a murderous Witch Hunter doesn’t exactly qualify as a summer vacation, and now the rest of the Hunters seem more intent on destroying her magic than ever. When Hannah learns the Hunters have gone nationwide, armed with a serum capable of taking out entire covens at once, she’s desperate to help. Now, with witches across the country losing the most important thing they have – their power – Hannah could be their best shot at finally defeating the Hunters. After all, she’s one of the only witches to escape a Hunter with her magic intact. Or so everyone believes. Because as good as she is at faking it, doing even the smallest bit of magic leaves her in agony. The only person who can bring her comfort, who can make her power flourish, is Morgan. But Morgan’s magic is on the line, too, and if Hannah can’t figure out how to save her – and the rest of the witches – she’ll lose everything she’s ever known. And as the Hunters get dangerously close to their final target, will all the witches in Salem be enough to stop an enemy determined to destroy magic for good? We Are Not From Here by Jenny Torres Sanchez Pulga has his dreams. Chico has his grief. Pequeña has her pride. And these three teens have one another. But none of them have illusions about the town they’ve grown up in and the dangers that surround them. Even with the love of family, threats lurk around every corner. And when those threats become all too real, the trio knows they have no choice but to run: from their country, from their families, from their beloved home. Crossing from Guatemala through Mexico, they follow the route of La Bestia, the perilous train system that might deliver them to a better life – if they are lucky enough to survive the journey. With nothing but the bags on their backs and desperation drumming through their hearts, Pulga, Chico, and Pequeña know there is no turning back, despite the unknown that awaits them and the darkness that seems to follow wherever they go. 26 *The Archer at Dawn by Swati Teerdhala A stolen throne. A lost princess. A rescue mission to take back what’s theirs. For Kunal and Esha, finally working together as rebels, the upcoming Sun Mela provides the perfect guise for infiltrating King Vardaan’s vicious court. Kunal returns to his role as dedicated soldier, while Esha uses her new role as adviser to Prince Harun to seek allies for their rebel cause. A radical plan is underfoot to rescue Jansa’s long-lost Princess Reha—the key to the throne. But amidst the Mela games and glittering festivities, much more dangerous forces lie in wait. With the rebel’s entry into Vardaan’s court, a match has been lit, and long-held secrets will force Kunal and Esha to reconsider their loyalties—to their countries and to each other. Getting into the palace was the easy task; coming out together will be a battle for their lives. In book two of Swati Teerdhala’s epic fantasy trilogy, a kingdom will fall, a new ruler will rise, and all will burn. The Ballad of Ami Miles by Kristy Dallas Alley Raised in isolation at Heavenly Shepherd, her family’s trailer-dealership-turned-survival compound, Ami Miles knows that she was lucky to be born into a place of safety after the old world ended and the chaos began. But when her grandfather brings home a cold-eyed stranger, she realizes that her “destiny” as one of the few females capable of still bearing children isn’t something she’s ready to face. With the help of one of her aunts, she flees the only life she’s ever known and sets off on a quest to find her long-lost mother (and hopefully a mate of her own choosing). But as she journeys, Ami discovers many new things about the world…and about herself. The Black Flamingo by Dean Atta Michael is a mixed-race gay teen growing up in London. All his life, he’s navigated what it means to be Greek-Cypriot and Jamaican—but never quite feeling Greek or Black enough. As he gets older, Michael’s coming out is only the start of learning who he is and where he fits in. When he discovers the Drag Society, he finally finds where he belongs—and the Black Flamingo is born. Told with raw honesty, insight, and lyricism, this debut explores the layers of identity that make us who we are—and allow us to shine. *The Bone Thief by Breeana Shields A deft exploration of the weight of grief and cost of revenge, Breeana Shields’s Bone Charmerduology reaches its spine-tingling conclusion in this high-octane fantasy-thriller. Saskia returns to Ivory Hall to train in bone magic, determined to stop Latham from gaining the power of all three Sights—past, present, and future. But danger lurks within the fortress’s marrow. Trials are underway for the apprentices, and the tasks feel specifically engineered to torment Saskia, which is exactly what Latham wants. As she grows increasingly more suspicious, her thirst for revenge becomes all-consuming. Together with the friends she can trust and the boy she loved in another lifetime, Saskia traces clues from Latham’s past to determine what he’ll do next. Their search leads them across Kastelia and brings them to a workshop housing a vast collection of horrors, including the bones Latham stole from Gran, and the knowledge that the future isn’t all that’s in jeopardy—but the past as well. Camp by L.C. Rosen Sixteen-year-old Randy Kapplehoff loves spending the summer at Camp Outland, a camp for queer teens. It’s where he met his best friends. It’s where he takes to the stage in the big musical. And it’s where he fell for Hudson Aaronson-Lim — who’s only into straight-acting guys and barely knows not-at-all-straight-acting Randy even exists. This year, though, it’s going to be different. Randy has reinvented himself as ‘Del’ — buff, masculine, and on the market. Even if it means giving up show tunes, nail polish, and his unicorn bedsheets, he’s determined to get Hudson to fall for him. But as he and Hudson grow closer, Randy has to ask himself: How much is he willing to change for love? And is it really love anyway, if Hudson doesn’t know who he truly is? The Enigma Game by Elizabeth Wein 1940. Facing a seemingly endless war, fifteen-year-old Louisa Adair wants to fight back, make a difference, do something-anything to escape the Blitz and the ghosts of her parents, who were killed by enemy action. But when she accepts a position caring for an elderly German woman in the small village of Windyedge, Scotland, it hardly seems like a meaningful contribution. Still, the war feels closer than ever in Windyedge, where Ellen McEwen, a volunteer driver with the Royal Air Force, and Jamie Beaufort-Stuart, a flight leader for the 648 Squadron, are facing a barrage of unbreakable code and enemy attacks they can’t anticipate. Their paths converge when a German pilot lands in Windyedge under mysterious circumstances and plants a key that leads Louisa to an unparalleled discovery: an Enigma machine that translates German code. Louisa, Ellen, and Jamie must work together to unravel a puzzle that could turn the tide of the war? but doing so will put them directly in the cross-hairs of the enemy. Featuring beloved characters from Code Name Verity and The Pearl Thief, as well as a remarkable new voice, this brilliant, breathlessly plotted novel by award-winning author Elizabeth Wein is a must-read. The Fascinators by Andrew Eliopulos Living in a small town where magic is frowned upon, Sam needs his friends James and Delia—and their time together in their school’s magic club—to see him through to graduation. But as soon as senior year starts, little cracks in their group begin to show. Sam may or may not be in love with James. Delia is growing more frustrated with their amateur magic club. And James reveals that he got mixed up with some sketchy magickers over the summer, putting a target on all their backs. With so many fault lines threatening to derail his hopes for the year, Sam is forced to face the fact that the very love of magic that brought his group together is now tearing them apart—and there are some problems that no amount of magic can fix. The Friend Scheme by Cale Dietrich High schooler Matt’s father is rich, powerful, and seemingly untouchable—a mobster with high hopes that his son will follow in his footsteps. Matt’s older brother Lukas seems poised to do just that, with a bevy of hot girls in tow. But Matt has other ambitions—and attractions. And attraction sometimes doesn’t allow for good judgement. Matt wouldn’t have guessed that Jason, the son of the city’s police commissioner, is also carrying a secret. The boys’ connection turns romantic, a first for both. Now Matt must decide if he can ever do the impossible and come clean about who he really is, and who he is meant to love. *The Gilded Ones by Namina Forna The start of a bold and immersive West African-inspired, feminist fantasy series for fans of Children of Blood and Bone and Black Panther. In this world, girls are outcasts by blood and warriors by choice. Sixteen-year-old Deka lives in fear and anticipation of the blood ceremony that will determine whether she will become a member of her village. Already different from everyone else because of her unnatural intuition, Deka prays for red blood so she can finally feel like she belongs. But on the day of the ceremony, her blood runs gold, the color of impurity–and Deka knows she will face a consequence worse than death. Then a mysterious woman comes to her with a choice: stay in the village and submit to her fate, or leave to fight for the emperor in an army of girls just like her. They are called alaki–near-immortals with rare gifts. And they are the only ones who can stop the empire’s greatest threat. Knowing the dangers that lie ahead yet yearning for acceptance, Deka decides to leave the only life she’s ever known. But as she journeys to the capital to train for the biggest battle of her life, she will discover that the great walled city holds many surprises. Nothing and no one are quite what they seem to be–not even Deka herself. Home Home by Lisa Allen-Agostini Moving from Trinidad to Canada wasn’t her idea. But after being hospitalized for depression, her mother sees it as the only option. Now, living with an estranged aunt she barely remembers and dealing with her “troubles” in a foreign country, she feels more lost than ever. Everything in Canada is cold and confusing. No one says hello, no one walks anywhere, and bus trips are never-ending and loud. She just wants to be home home, in Trinidad, where her only friend is going to school and Sunday church service like she used to do. But this new home also brings unexpected surprises: the chance at a family that loves unconditionally, the possibility of new friends, and the promise of a hopeful future. Though she doesn’t see it yet, Canada is a place where she can feel at home–if she can only find the courage to be honest with herself. I Kissed Alice by Anna Birch Rhodes and Iliana couldn’t be more different, but that’s not why they hate each other. Rhodes, a gifted artist, has always excelled at Alabama’s Conservatory of the Arts (until she’s hit with a secret bout of creator’s block), while Iliana, a transfer student, tries to outshine everyone with her intense, competitive work ethic. Since only one of them can get the coveted Capstone scholarship, the competition between them is fierce. They both escape the pressure on a fanfic site where they are unknowingly collaborating on a webcomic. And despite being worst enemies in real life, their anonymous online identities I-Kissed-Alice and Curious-in-Cheshire are starting to like each other… a lot. When the truth comes out, will they destroy each other’s future? The Jewel Thief by Jeannie Mobley Her story begins . . . in Paris. The only daughter of the King’s crown jeweler, Juliette marvels at the large, deep-blue diamond Louis XIV has commanded her father to make shine like the sun. But Jean Pitau has never cut a diamond quite like this, and shaping it is a risky endeavor. As Jean spirals into depression, Juliette takes it upon herself to cut the stone, and with every misstep, brings her family closer to ruin. Her story resumes . . . in a cold, dark cell of the Bastille prison. Charged with stealing the King’s diamond, Juliette has but one chance to convince him that her motives were pure. If she fails, this night may very well be her last. Though, death wouldn’t be her worst fate. Because recording Juliette’s confession is René, a court-appointed scribe, and the man she loves. But René holds his own grudge against Juliette, and this is her one and only chance to win back his heart. Of Silver and Shadow by Jennifer Gruenke Ren Kolins is a silver wielder—a dangerous thing to be in the kingdom of Erdis, where magic has been outlawed for a century. Ren is just trying to survive, sticking to a life of petty thievery, card games, and pit fighting to get by. But when a wealthy rebel leader discovers her secret, he offers her a fortune to join his revolution. The caveat: she won’t see a single coin until they overthrow the King. Behind the castle walls, a brutal group of warriors known as the King’s Children is engaged in a competition: the first to find the rebel leader will be made King’s Fang, the right hand of the King of Erdis. And Adley Farre is hunting down the rebels one by one, torturing her way to Ren and the rebel leader, and the coveted King’s Fang title. But time is running out for all of them, including the youngest Prince of Erdis, who finds himself pulled into the rebellion. Political tensions have reached a boiling point, and Ren and the rebels must take the throne before war breaks out. Out: How To Be Your Authentic Self by Miles McKenna Activist Miles McKenna came out on his YouTube channel in 2017, documenting his transition to help other teens navigate their identities and take charge of their own coming-out stories. From that wisdom comes Out!, the ultimate coming-out survival guide. Find validation, inspiration, and support for your questions big and small—whether you’re exploring your identity or seeking to understand the experience of an awesome queer person in your life. Out Now: Queer We Go Again edited by Saundra Mitchell A follow-up to the critically acclaimed All Out anthology, Out Now features seventeen new short stories from amazing queer YA authors. Vampires crash prom…aliens run from the government…a president’s daughter comes into her own…a true romantic tries to soften the heart of a cynical social media influencer…a selkie and the sea call out to a lost soul. Teapots and barbershops…skateboards and VW vans…Street Fighter and Ares’s sword: Out Now has a story for every reader and surprises with each turn of the page! This essential and beautifully written modern-day collection features an intersectional and inclusive slate of authors and stories. The Paper Girls of Paris by Jordyn Taylor NOW: Sixteen-year-old Alice is spending the summer in Paris, but she isn’t there for pastries and walks along the Seine. When her grandmother passed away two months ago, she left Alice an apartment in France that no one knew existed. An apartment that has been locked for more than seventy years. Alice is determined to find out why the apartment was abandoned and why her grandmother never once mentioned the family she left behind when she moved to America after World War II. With the help of Paul, a charming Parisian student, she sets out to uncover the truth. However, the more time she spends digging through the mysteries of the past, the more she realizes there are secrets in the present that her family is still refusing to talk about. THEN: Sixteen-year-old Adalyn doesn’t recognize Paris anymore. Everywhere she looks, there are Nazis, and every day brings a new horror of life under the Occupation. When she meets Luc, the dashing and enigmatic leader of a resistance group, Adalyn feels she finally has a chance to fight back. But keeping up the appearance of being a much-admired socialite while working to undermine the Nazis is more complicated than she could have imagined. As the war goes on, Adalyn finds herself having to make more and more compromises—to her safety, to her reputation, and to her relationships with the people she loves the most. Parachutes by Kelly Yang They’re called parachutes: teenagers dropped off to live in private homes and study in the United States while their wealthy parents remain in Asia. Claire Wang never thought she’d be one of them, until her parents pluck her from her privileged life in Shanghai and enroll her at a high school in California. Suddenly she finds herself living in a stranger’s house, with no one to tell her what to do for the first time in her life. She soon embraces her newfound freedom, especially when the hottest and most eligible parachute, Jay, asks her out. Dani De La Cruz, Claire’s new host sister, couldn’t be less thrilled that her mom rented out a room to Claire. An academic and debate team star, Dani is determined to earn her way into Yale, even if it means competing with privileged kids who are buying their way to the top. But Dani’s game plan veers unexpectedly off course when her debate coach starts working with her privately. As they steer their own distinct paths, Dani and Claire keep crashing into one another, setting a course that will change their lives forever. The Ship We Built by Lexie Bean Sometimes I have trouble filling out tests when the name part feels like a test too. . . . When I write letters, I love that you have to read all of my thoughts and stories before I say any name at all. You have to make it to the very end to know. Rowan has too many secrets to write down in the pages of a diary. And if he did, he wouldn’t want anyone he knows to read them. He understands who he is and what he likes, but it’s not safe for others to find out. Now the kids at school say Rowan’s too different to spend time with. He’s not the “right kind” of girl, and he’s not the “right kind” of boy. His mom ignores him. And at night, his dad hurts him in ways he’s not ready to talk about yet. But Rowan discovers another way to share his secrets: letters. Letters he attaches to balloons and releases into the universe, hoping someone new will read them and understand. But when he befriends a classmate who knows what it’s like to be lonely and scared, even at home, Rowan realizes that there might already be a person he can trust right by his side. Stay Gold by Tobly McSmith Pony just wants to fly under the radar during senior year. Tired from all the attention he got at his old school after coming out as transgender, he’s looking for a fresh start at Hillcrest High. But it’s hard to live your best life when the threat of exposure lurks down every hallway and in every bathroom. Georgia is beginning to think there’s more to life than cheerleading. She plans on keeping a low profile until graduation…which is why she promised herself that dating was officially a no-go this year. Then, on the very first day of school, the new guy and the cheerleader lock eyes. How is Pony supposed to stay stealth when he wants to get close to a girl like Georgia? How is Georgia supposed to keep her promise when sparks start flying with a boy like Pony? The Sullivan Sisters by Kathryn Ormsbee Time changes things. That painful fact of life couldn’t be truer for the Sullivan sisters. Once, they used to be close, sharing secrets inside homemade blanket castles. Now, life in the Sullivan house means closed doors and secrets left untold. Fourteen-year-old Murphy, an aspiring magician, is shocked by the death of Siegfried, her pet turtle. Seventeen-year-old Claire is bound for better things than her Oregonian hometown—until she receives a crushing rejection from her dream college. And eighteen-year-old Eileen is nursing a growing addiction in the wake of life-altering news. Then, days before Christmas, a letter arrives, informing the sisters of a dead uncle and an inheritance they knew nothing about. The news forces them to band together in the face of a sinister family mystery…and, possibly, murder. The Sullivan Sisters is an unforgettable novel about the ghosts of the past, the power of connection, and the bonds of sisterhood. Unstoppable Wasp by Sam Maggs Nadia Van Dyne is new to this. New to being a Super Hero, new to being a real friend and stepdaughter (to one of the founding Avengers, no less), new to running her own lab, and new to being her own person, far, far away from the clutches of the Red Room-the infamous brainwashing/assassin-training facility. She’s adjusting well to all of this newness, channeling her energy into being a good friend, a good scientist, and a good Super Hero. It’s taking a toll, though, and Nadia’s finding that there are never quite enough hours in a day. So, when she’s gifted a virtual assistant powered by the most cutting-edge A.I. technology that the world has to offer, Nadia jumps at the opportunity to “do less, experience more”-just like the advertisements say. The device works-really works. Nadia has more time to pursue her passion projects and to focus on new discoveries. But it’s never quite that simple, and not everything is as it seems. This thrilling adventure finds Nadia confronting her past as she tries to shape her future, and learning that sometimes the best way to effect big change is to think small-maybe even super small, Unstoppable Wasp-style. She’ll need the help of her genius G.I.R.L. (Genius In action Research Labs) squad and found family to save herself and (not to be too dramatic) the entire world as we know it. Along the way, Nadia discovers that when she teams up with the people who love her the most, they’re totally Unstoppable. Just another day in the life of your way, way above average teenage Super Hero. June 2 Again, Again by E. Lockhart If you could live your life again, what would you do differently? After a near-fatal family catastrophe and an unexpected romantic upheaval, Adelaide Buchwald finds herself catapulted into a summer of wild possibility, during which she will fall in and out of love a thousand times–while finally confronting the secrets she keeps, her ideas about love, and the weird grandiosity of the human mind. A raw, funny story that will surprise you over and over, Again Again gives us an indelible heroine grappling with the terrible and wonderful problem of loving other people. All Eyes on Her by L.E. Flynn You heard the story on the news. A girl and a boy went into the woods. The girl carried a picnic basket. The boy wore bright yellow running shoes. The girl found her way out, but the boy never did… Everyone thinks they know what happened. Some say Tabby pushed him off that cliff— she didn’t even like hiking. She was jealous. She had more than her share of demons. Others think he fell accidentally—she loved Mark. She would never hurt him…even if he hurt her. But what’s the real story? All Eyes On Her is told from everyone but Tabby herself as the people in her life string together the events that led Tabby to that cliff. Her best friend. Her sister. Her enemy. Her ex-boyfriend. Because everybody thinks they know a girl better than she knows herself. What do you think is the truth? Beyond The Break by Heather Buchta Manhattan Beach native Lovette has two rules in life. One: no surfing. Not after her brother’s accident. Two: absolutely, no dating. And going into her junior year of high school, she’s pretty happy with that arrangement. She has friends, her church youth group, and God to fall back on when things get dicey. But after Jake Evans walks into her life, following these two simple rules gets a lot more complicated. Jake is the boy from Lovette’s childhood who grew up. Handsome and sweet, he unlocks the part of Lovette that wants nothing more than to surf the waves again. And as their relationship grows, she begins to question what it means to be faithful: to her family, to God, but mostly, to herself. Told with humor and heart, Heather Buchta delivers a sparkling debut that asks the question: Can you fall in love, be a teenager, and also be a good Christian? Burn by Patrick Ness On a cold Sunday evening in early 1957, Sarah Dewhurst waited with her father in the parking lot of the Chevron gas station for the dragon he’d hired to help on the farm… Sarah Dewhurst and her father, outcasts in their little town of Frome, Washington, are forced to hire a dragon to work their farm, something only the poorest of the poor ever have to resort to. The dragon, Kazimir, has more to him than meets the eye, though. Sarah can’t help but be curious about him, an animal who supposedly doesn’t have a soul but who is seemingly intent on keeping her safe. Because the dragon knows something she doesn’t. He has arrived at the farm with a prophecy on his mind. A prophecy that involves a deadly assassin, a cult of dragon worshippers, two FBI agents in hot pursuit—and somehow, Sarah Dewhurst herself.  *The Damned by Renée Ahdieh Following the events of The Beautiful, Sébastien Saint Germain is now cursed and forever changed. The treaty between the Fallen and the Brotherhood has been broken, and war between the immortals seems imminent. The price of loving Celine was costly. But Celine has also paid a high price for loving Bastien. Still recovering from injuries sustained during a night she can’t quite remember, her dreams are troubled. And she doesn’t know she has inadvertently set into motion a chain of events that could lead to her demise and unveil a truth about herself she’s not ready to learn. Forces hiding in the shadows have been patiently waiting for this moment. And just as Bastien and Celine begin to uncover the danger around them, they learn their love could tear them apart.  The Damned, Renée’s latest installment in The Beautiful series is just as decadent, thrilling, and mysterious as her last, as she continues her most potent fantasy series yet. The Dark Tide by Alicia Jasinska Every year on St. Walpurga’s Eve, Caldella’s Witch Queen lures a boy back to her palace. An innocent life to be sacrificed on the full moon to keep the island city from sinking. Lina Kirk is convinced her brother is going to be taken this year. To save him, she enlists the help of Thomas Lin, the boy she secretly loves, and the only person to ever escape from the palace. But they draw the queen’s attention, and Thomas is chosen as the sacrifice. Queen Eva watched her sister die to save the boy she loved. Now as queen, she won’t make the same mistake. She’s willing to sacrifice anyone if it means saving herself and her city. When Lina offers herself to the queen in exchange for Thomas’s freedom, the two girls await the full moon together. But Lina is not at all what Eva expected, and the queen is nothing like Lina envisioned. Against their will, they find themselves falling for each other. As water floods Caldella’s streets and the dark tide demands its sacrifice, they must choose who to save: themselves, each other, or the island city relying on them both. *Greythorne by Crystal Smith Princess Aurelia’s life is upended when the kingdom she thought she saved falls to ruin, a loved one is tragically killed in a shipwreck, and her home country turns against her. With no place left to call her own, Aurelia returns to Greythorne Manor—her best friend’s family mansion—only to find that Greythorne has sinister secrets of its own. With enemies closing in on all sides, Aurelia is caught in a mad fight to protect the only people she has left—her family. In her darkest moments, when all seems grim, will Aurelia find a spark of hope from a love she thought long lost? I Killed Zoe Spanos by Kit Frick What happened to Zoe won’t stay buried…. When Anna Cicconi arrives to the small Hamptons village of Herron Mills for a summer nanny gig, she has high hopes for a fresh start. What she finds instead is a community on edge after the disappearance of Zoe Spanos, a local girl who has been missing since New Year’s Eve. Anna bears an eerie resemblance to Zoe, and her mere presence in town stirs up still-raw feelings about the unsolved case. As Anna delves deeper into the mystery, stepping further and further into Zoe’s life, she becomes increasingly convinced that she and Zoe are connected – and that she knows what happened to her. Two months later, Zoe’s body is found in a nearby lake, and Anna is charged with manslaughter. But Anna’s confession is riddled with holes, and Martina Green, teen host of the Missing Zoe podcast, isn’t satisfied. Did Anna really kill Zoe? And if not, can Martina’s podcast uncover the truth? Inspired by Daphne du Maurier’s Rebecca, Kit Frick weaves a thrilling story of psychological suspense that twists and turns until the final minute. If We Were Us by K. L. Walther Everyone at the prestigious Bexley School believes that Sage Morgan and Charlie Carmichael are meant to be. Even though Charlie seems to have a new girlfriend every month, and Sage has never had a real relationship, their friends and family all know it’s just a matter of time until they realize that they are actually in love. When Luke Morrissey shows up on the Bexley campus his presence immediately shakes things up. Charlie and Luke are drawn to each other the moment they meet, giving Sage the opportunity to steal away to spend time with Charlie’s twin brother, Nick. But Charlie is afraid of what others will think if he accepts that he has much more than a friendship with Luke, that he’s never felt this way before. And Sage fears that if she lets things with Nick get too serious too quickly, they won’t be able to last as a couple outside of high school and miss their chance at forever. The duo will need to rely on each other and their lifelong friendship to figure things out with the boys they love. *Igniting Darkness by Robin LaFevers When you count Death as a friend, who can stand as your enemy? Sybella, novitiate of the convent of Saint Mortain and Death’s vengeance on earth, is still reeling from her God’s own passing, and along with him a guiding hand in her bloody work. But with her sisters on the run from their evil brother and under the watchful eye of her one true friend (and love) at court, the soldier known as Beast, Sybella stands alone as the Duchess of Brittany’s protector. After months of seeking her out, Sybella has finally made contact with a fellow novitiate of the convent, Genevieve, a mole in the French court. But Sybella, having already drawn the ire of the French regent, may not be able to depend on her sister and ally as much as she hoped. Still, Death always finds a way, even if it’s not what one expects. No one can be trusted and the wolves are always waiting in this thrilling conclusion to the Courting Darkness duology, set in the world of Robin’s beloved His Fair Assassin trilogy. Jo and Laurie by Margaret Stohl and Melissa de la Cruz 1869, Concord, Massachusetts: After the publication of her first novel, Jo March is shocked to discover her book of scribbles has become a bestseller, and her publisher and fans demand a sequel. While pressured into coming up with a story, she goes to New York with her dear friend Laurie for a week of inspiration–museums, operas, and even a once-in-a-lifetime reading by Charles Dickens himself! But Laurie has romance on his mind, and despite her growing feelings, Jo’s desire to remain independent leads her to turn down his heartfelt marriage proposal and sends the poor boy off to college heartbroken. When Laurie returns to Concord with a sophisticated new girlfriend, will Jo finally communicate her true heart’s desire or lose the love of her life forever? Kissing Lessons by Sophie Jordan Wild, beautiful, and (as rumor has it) experienced, Hayden Vargas doesn’t have time for love or relationships. She’s learned the hard way that the only person you can count on is yourself, and she’s hell-bent on earning enough money to leave her small, judgy Texas town as fast as possible. So when nerdy Emmaline Martin offers to pay Hayden for lessons in seduction, the money is so easy, there must be a catch. Enter the catch: Emmaline’s older brother, popular, all-around nice guy™ Nolan Martin, who doesn’t want his sister’s reputation tarnished by the school’s resident bad girl. But Hayden should know that looks can be deceiving. Nolan may seem like a golden boy, but like Hayden, he has a few secrets of his own. And the more he meddles in her lessons with Emmaline, the more these polar opposites clash—and the more sparks fly. Turns out Nolan may have some lessons to teach Hayden, but only if she’s willing to learn. *My Calamity Jane by Cynthia Hand, Brodi Ashton, Jodi Meadows Welcome to 1876 America, a place bursting with gunslingers, outlaws, and garou—better known as werewolves. And where there are garou, there’re hunters: the one and only Calamity Jane, to be precise, along with her fellow stars of Wild Bill’s Traveling Show, Annie Oakley and Frank “the Pistol Prince” Butler. After a garou hunt goes south and Jane finds a suspicious-like bite on her arm, she turns tail for Deadwood, where there’s talk of a garou cure. But rumors can be deceiving—meaning the gang better hightail it after her before they’re a day late and a Jane short. In this perfect next read for fans of A Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue, bestselling authors Cynthia Hand, Jodi Meadows, and Brodi Ashton bring their signature spark to the side-splittin’, whopper-filled (but actually kind of factual?) tale of Calamity Jane. My Summer of Love and Misfortune by Lindsay Wong Iris Wang is having a bit of a rough start to her summer: Her boyfriend cheated on her, she didn’t get into any colleges, and she has no idea who she is or what she wants to do with her life. She’s always felt torn about being Chinese-American, feeling neither Chinese nor American enough to claim either identity. She’s just a sad pizza combo from Domino’s, as far as she’s concerned. In an attempt to snap her out of her funk, Iris’s parents send her away to visit family in Beijing, with the hopes that Iris would “reconnect with her culture” and “find herself.” Iris resents the condescension, but even she admits that this might be a good opportunity to hit the reset button on the apocalyptic disaster that has become her life. With this trip, Iris expects to eat a few dumplings, meet some family, and visit a tourist hotspot or two. Instead, she gets swept up in the ridiculous, opulent world of Beijing’s wealthy elite, leading her to unexpected and extraordinary discoveries about her family, her future, and herself. Now That I’ve Found You by Kristina Forest Following in the footsteps of her überfamous grandma, eighteen-year-old Evie Jones is poised to be Hollywood’s next big star. That is until a close friend’s betrayal leads to her being blacklisted . . . Fortunately, Evie knows just the thing to save her floundering career: a public appearance with America’s most beloved actress―her grandma Gigi, aka the Evelyn Conaway. The only problem? Gigi is a recluse who’s been out of the limelight for almost twenty years. Days before Evie plans to present her grandma with an honorary award in front of Hollywood’s elite, Gigi does the unthinkable: she disappears. With time running out and her comeback on the line, Evie reluctantly enlists the help of the last person to see Gigi before she vanished: Milo Williams, a cute musician Evie isn’t sure she can trust. As Evie and Milo conduct a wild manhunt across New York City, romance and adventure abound while Evie makes some surprising discoveries about her grandma―and herself. Six Angry Girls by Adrienne Kisner Raina Petree is crushing her senior year, until her boyfriend dumps her, the drama club (basically) dumps her, the college of her dreams slips away, and her arch-nemesis triumphs. Things aren’t much better for Millie Goodwin. Her father treats her like a servant, and the all-boy Mock Trial team votes her out, even after she spent the last three years helping to build its success. But then, an advice columnist unexpectedly helps Raina find new purpose in a pair of knitting needles and a politically active local yarn store. This leads to an unlikely meeting in the girls’ bathroom, where Raina inspires Millie to start a rival team. The two join together and recruit four other angry girls to not only take on Mock Trial, but to smash the patriarchy in the process. Song of Wraiths and Ruin by Roseanne A. Brown For Malik, the Solstasia festival is a chance to escape his war-stricken home and start a new life with his sisters in the prosperous desert city of Ziran. But when a vengeful spirit abducts his younger sister, Nadia, as payment to enter the city, Malik strikes a fatal deal—kill Karina, Crown Princess of Ziran, for Nadia’s freedom. But Karina has deadly aspirations of her own. Her mother, the Sultana, has been assassinated; her court threatens mutiny; and Solstasia looms like a knife over her neck. Grief-stricken, Karina decides to resurrect her mother through ancient magic . . . requiring the beating heart of a king. And she knows just how to obtain one: by offering her hand in marriage to the victor of the Solstasia competition. When Malik rigs his way into the contest, they are set on a heart-pounding course to destroy each other. But as attraction flares between them and ancient evils stir, will they be able to see their tasks to the death? The State of Us by Shaun David Hutchinson When Dean Arnault’s mother decided to run for president, it wasn’t a surprise to anyone, least of all her son. But still that doesn’t mean Dean wants to be part of the public spectacle that is the race for the White House—at least not until he meets Dre. The only problem is that Dre Rosario’s on the opposition; he’s the son of the Democratic nominee. But as Dean and Dre’s meet-ups on the campaign trail become less left to chance, their friendship quickly becomes a romantic connection unlike any either of the boys have ever known. If it wasn’t hard enough falling in love across the aisle, the political scheming of a shady third-party candidate could cause Dean and Dre’s world to explode around them. *Where Dreams Descend by Janella Angeles In a city covered in ice and ruin, a group of magicians face off in a daring game of magical feats to find the next headliner of the Conquering Circus, only to find themselves under the threat of an unseen danger striking behind the scenes. As each act becomes more and more risky and the number of missing magicians piles up, three are forced to reckon with their secrets before the darkness comes for them next. The Star: Kallia, a powerful showgirl out to prove she’s the best no matter the cost The Master: Jack, the enigmatic keeper of the club, and more than one lie told The Magician: Demarco, the brooding judge with a dark past he can no longer hide Where Dreams Descend is the startling and romantic first book in Janella Angeles’ debut Kingdom of Cards fantasy duology where magic is both celebrated and feared, and no heart is left unscathed. Where We Go From Here by Lucas Rocha, translated by Larissa Helena Ian has just been diagnosed with HIV. Victor, to his great relief, has tested negative. Henrique has been living with HIV for the past three years. When Victor finds himself getting tested for HIV for the first time, he can’t help but question his entire relationship with Henrique, the guy he has — had — been dating. See, Henrique didn’t disclose his positive HIV status to Victor until after they had sex, and even though Henrique insisted on using every possible precaution, Victor is livid. That’s when Victor meets Ian, a guy who’s also getting tested for HIV. But Ian’s test comes back positive, and his world is about to change forever. Though Victor is loath to think about Henrique, he offers to put the two of them in touch, hoping that perhaps Henrique can help Ian navigate his new life. In the process, the lives of Ian, Victor, and Henrique will become intertwined in a story of friendship, love, and self-acceptance. Set in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, this utterly engrossing debut by Brazilian author Lucas Rocha calls back to Alex Sanchez’s Rainbow Boys series, bringing attention to how far we’ve come with HIV, while shining a harsh light on just how far we have yet to go. You Don’t Live Here by Robyn Schneider In Southern California, no one lives more than thirty miles from the nearest fault line. Sasha Bloom is standing right on top of one when her world literally crumbles around her. With her mother now dead and father out of the picture, Sasha moves in with her estranged grandparents. Living in her mom’s old bedroom, Sasha has no idea who she is anymore. Luckily, her grandparents are certain they know who she should be: A lawyer in the making. Ten pounds skinnier. In a socially advantageous relationship with a boy from a good family—a boy like Cole Edwards. And Cole has ideas for who Sasha should be, too. His plus one at lunch. His girlfriend. His. Sasha tries to make everything work, but that means folding away her love of photography, her grief for her mother, and he growing interest in the magnificently clever Lily Chen. Sasha wants to follow Lily off the beaten path, to discover hidden beaches, secret menus, and the truth about dinosaur pee. But being friends with Lily might lead somewhere new. Is Sasha willing to stop being the girl everyone expects and let the girl beneath the surface breath through? You Should See Me In A Crown by Leah Johnson Liz Lighty has always believed she’s too black, too poor, too awkward to shine in her small, rich, prom-obsessed midwestern town. But it’s okay — Liz has a plan that will get her out of Campbell, Indiana, forever: attend the uber-elite Pennington College, play in their world-famous orchestra, and become a doctor. But when the financial aid she was counting on unexpectedly falls through, Liz’s plans come crashing down . . . until she’s reminded of her school’s scholarship for prom king and queen. There’s nothing Liz wants to do less than endure a gauntlet of social media trolls, catty competitors, and humiliating public events, but despite her devastating fear of the spotlight she’s willing to do whatever it takes to get to Pennington. The only thing that makes it halfway bearable is the new girl in school, Mack. She’s smart, funny, and just as much of an outsider as Liz. But Mack is also in the running for queen. Will falling for the competition keep Liz from her dreams . . . or make them come true? 9 Agnes at the End of the World by Kelly McWilliams Agnes loves her home of Red Creek — its quiet, sunny mornings, its dusty roads, and its God. There, she cares tirelessly for her younger siblings and follows the town’s strict laws. What she doesn’t know is that Red Creek is a cult, controlled by a madman who calls himself a prophet. Then Agnes meets Danny, an Outsider boy, and begins to question what is and isn’t a sin. Her younger brother, Ezekiel, will die without the insulin she barters for once a month, even though medicine is considered outlawed. Is she a sinner for saving him? Is her sister, Beth, a sinner for dreaming of the world beyond Red Creek? As the Prophet grows more dangerous, Agnes realizes she must escape with Ezekiel and leave everyone else, including Beth, behind. But it isn’t safe Outside, either: A viral pandemic is burning through the population at a terrifying rate. As Agnes ventures forth, a mysterious connection grows between her and the Virus. But in a world where faith, miracles, and cruelty have long been indistinguishable, will Agnes be able to choose between saving her family and saving the world? All The Things We Never Knew by Liara Tamani From the moment Carli and Rex first locked eyes on a Texas high school basketball court, they both knew it was destiny. But can you truly love someone else if you don’t love yourself? Acclaimed author Liara Tamani’s luminous second novel explores love, family, heartbreak, betrayal, and the power of healing, in gorgeous prose that will appeal to readers of Nicola Yoon and Jacqueline Woodson. A glance was all it took. That kind of connection, the immediate and raw understanding of another person, just doesn’t come along very often. And as rising stars on their Texas high schools’ respective basketball teams, destined for bright futures in college and beyond, it seems like a match made in heaven. But Carli and Rex have secrets. As do their families. Liara Tamani, the author of the acclaimed Calling My Name, follows two teenagers as they discover how first love, heartbreak, betrayal, and family can shape you–for better or for worse. A novel full of pain, joy, healing, and hope for fans of Elizabeth Acevedo, Jacqueline Woodson, and Jenny Han. *The Boundless by Anna Bright When Selah found true love with Prince Torden of Norway, she never imagined she’d have to leave him behind. All because the Beholder’s true mission was a secret Selah’s crew didn’t trust her to keep: transporting weapons to the rebels fighting against the brutal tsarytsya, whose shadow looms over their next port of Shvartsval’d. A place Selah hoped she’d never go. But gone is the girl who departed Potomac filled with fear. With a stockpile of weapons belowdecks and her heart hanging in the balance, Selah is determined to see the Beholder’s quest to its end. Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas Yadriel has summoned a ghost, and now he can’t get rid of him. Bestowed by the ancient goddess of death, Yadriel and the gifted members of his Latinx community can see spirits: women have the power to heal bodies and souls, while men can release lost spirits to the afterlife. But Yadriel, a trans boy, has never been able to perform the tasks of the brujas – because he is a brujo. When his cousin suddenly dies, Yadriel becomes determined to prove himself a real brujo. With the help of his cousin and best friend Maritza, he performs the ritual himself, and then sets out to find the ghost of his murdered cousin and set it free. However, the ghost he summons is not his cousin. It’s Julian Diaz, the resident bad boy of his high school, and Julian is not about to go quietly into death. He’s determined to find out what happened and tie off some loose ends before he leaves. Left with no choice, Yadriel agrees to help Julian, so that they can both get what they want. But the longer Yadriel spends with Julian, the less he wants to let him leave. Chasing Starlight by Teri Bailey Black 1938. The Golden Age of Hollywood. Palm trees and movie stars. Film studios pumping out musicals, westerns, and gangster films at a furious pace. Everyone wants to be a star―except society girl and aspiring astronomer Kate Hildebrand, who’d rather study them in the night sky. She’s already famous after a childhood tragedy turned her into a newspaper headline. What she craves is stability. But when Kate has to move to Hollywood to live with her washed-up silent film star grandfather, she walks into a murder scene and finds herself on the front page again. She suspects one of the young men boarding in her grandfather’s run-down mansion is the killer―maybe even her grandfather. She searches for clues. Now, Kate must discover the killer while working on the set of a musical―and falling in love. Will her stars align so she can catch the murderer and live the dream in Old Hollywood? Or will she find that she’s just chasing starlight? The Falling in Love Montage by Ciara Smyth Seventeen-year-old cynic Saoirse Clarke isn’t looking for a relationship. But when she meets mischievous Ruby, that rule goes right out the window. Sort of. Because Ruby has a loophole in mind: a summer of all the best cliché movie montage dates, with a definite ending come fall—no broken hearts, no messy breakup. It would be the perfect plan, if they weren’t forgetting one thing about the Falling in Love Montage: when it’s over, the characters have fallen in love…for real. Ciara Smyth’s debut is a delightful, multilayered YA rom-com that will make you laugh, cry, and absolutely fall in love. Followers by Raziel Reid After a disastrous date results in her arrest, sixteen-year-old Lily Rhode is horrified to discover her mugshot is leaked on a gossip website. Lily is the niece of Whitney Paley, a Hollywood housewife and star of reality show Platinum Triangle, a soap-opera-style docu-series in the vein of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and The Hills, revolving around several glamorous families living in the Beverly Hills, Bel Air and Holmby Hills neighborhoods of Los Angeles. When Lily’s mom kicks her out of their trailer home in the Valley, Whitney (Lily’s mom’s estranged sister) invites her to live with her, her movie-star husband, Patrick, and their daughter, Hailey. Lily is set up in the pool house and thrust into the company of reality-star offspring — kids who are born with silver spoon emojis on their feed. Lily’s cousin Hailey and the other teens have lived their entire lives on camera and are masters of deception, with Hailey leading the pack. As Lily learns from the Paleys how to navigate her newfound fame, she finds herself ensnared in the unfolding storylines. What Lily doesn’t know is that she’s just a pawn being used on the show to make the Paleys look sympathetic to viewers while distracting from on-set sexual misconduct rumors surrounding super hero dad Patrick Paley . . . Is Lily safe under Patrick’s roof? Or will Lily be Patrick’s downfall? If she isn’t destroyed by Hailey first. When Lily catches the eye of Hailey’s designated leading man Joel Strom — it’s war! Half Life by Lillian Clark There aren’t enough hours in the day for Lucille–perfectionist, overachiever–to do everything she has to do, and there certainly aren’t enough hours to hang out with friends, fall in love, get in trouble–all the teenage things she knows she should want to be doing instead of preparing for a flawless future. So when she sees an ad for Life2: Do more. Be more, she’s intrigued. The company is looking for beta testers to enroll in an experimental clone program, and in the aftermath of a series of disappointments, Lucille is feeling reckless enough to jump in. At first, it’s perfect: her clone, Lucy, is exactly what she needed to make her life manageable and have time for a social life. But it doesn’t take long for Lucy to become more Lucy and less Lucille, and Lucille is forced to stop looking at Lucy as a reflection and start seeing her as a window–a glimpse at someone else living her own life, but better. Lucy does what she really wants to, not what she thinks she should want to, and Lucille is left wondering how much she was even a part of the perfect life she’d constructed for herself. Lucille wanted Lucy to help her relationships with everyone else, but how can she do that without first rectifying her relationship with herself? Hood by Jenny Elder Moke You have the blood of kings and rebels within you, love. Let it rise to meet the call. Isabelle of Kirklees has only ever known a quiet life inside the sheltered walls of the convent, where she lives with her mother, Marien. But after she is arrested by royal soldiers for defending innocent villagers, Isabelle becomes the target of the Wolf, King John’s ruthless right hand. Desperate to keep her daughter safe, Marien helps Isabelle escape and sends her on a mission to find the one person who can help: Isabelle’s father, Robin Hood. As Isabelle races to stay out of the Wolf’s clutches and find the father she’s never known, she is thrust into a world of thieves and mercenaries, handsome young outlaws, new enemies with old grudges, and a king who wants her entire family dead. As she joins forces with Robin and his Merry Men in a final battle against the Wolf, will Isabelle find the strength to defy the crown and save the lives of everyone she holds dear? The Mall by Megan McCafferty The year is 1991. Scrunchies, mixtapes and 90210 are, like, totally fresh. Cassie Worthy is psyched to spend the summer after graduation working at the Parkway Center Mall. In six weeks, she and her boyfriend head off to college in NYC to fulfill The Plan: higher education and happily ever after. But you know what they say about the best laid plans… Set entirely in a classic “monument to consumerism,” the novel follows Cassie as she finds friendship, love, and ultimately herself, in the most unexpected of places. Megan McCafferty, beloved New York Times bestselling author of the Jessica Darling series, takes readers on an epic trip back in time to The Mall. *Rage and Ruin by Jennifer L. Armentrout Half-angel Trinity and her bonded gargoyle protector, Zayne, have been working with demons to stop the apocalypse while avoiding falling in love. The Harbinger is coming…but who or what is it? All of humankind may fall if Trinity and Zayne can’t win the race against time as dark forces gather. As tensions rise, they must stay close together and patrol the DC streets at night, seeking signs of the Harbinger, an entity that is killing Wardens and demons with no seeming rhyme or reason. Forbidden to be with each other, Zayne and Trinity fight their feelings and turn to unusual sources for help—the demon Roth and his cohorts. But as deaths pile up and they uncover a sinister plot involving the local high school and endangering someone dear to Zayne, Trin realizes she is being led…herded…played for some unknown end. As anger builds and feelings spiral out of control, it becomes clear that rage may be the ruin of them all. *The Shadow Wand by Laurie Forest HER WORLD-ALTERING SECRET CAN’T BE HIDDEN MUCH LONGER Elloren Gardner hides the most powerful secret in all Erthia—she is the Black Witch of Prophecy, and destined to triumph…or be used as the ultimate weapon of destruction. Separated from everyone she loves, isolated and hunted, Elloren must turn to the last person she can trust—her fastmate, Commander Lukas Grey. With the Mage forces of Gardneria poised to conquer all of Erthia, Elloren has no choice but to ally with Lukas and combine their power to keep herself out of the hands of Gardnerian leader Marcus Vogel…the holder of the all-consuming Shadow Wand. With just weeks to train to become a warrior, and no control over her magic, Elloren finds unexpected allies among those under orders to kill her. It’s time to step up. To fight back. And to forge onward through the most devastating loss yet. This Is All Your Fault by Aminah Mae Safi Rinn Olivera is finally going to tell her longtime crush AJ that she’s in love with him. Daniella Korres writes poetry for her own account, but nobody knows it’s her. Imogen Azar is just trying to make it through the day. When Rinn, Daniella, and Imogen clock into work at Wild Nights Bookstore on the first day of summer, they’re expecting the hours to drift by the way they always do. Instead, they have to deal with the news that the bookstore is closing. Before the day is out, there’ll be shaved heads, a diva author, and a very large shipment of Air Jordans to contend with. And it will take all three of them working together if they have any chance to save Wild Nights Bookstore. We Are Not Free by Traci Chee “All around me, my friends are talking, joking, laughing. Outside is the camp, the barbed wire, the guard towers, the city, the country that hates us.  We are not free.  But we are not alone.”   From New York Times best-selling and acclaimed author Traci Chee comes We Are Not Free, the collective account of a tight-knit group of young Nisei, second-generation Japanese American citizens, whose lives are irrevocably changed by the mass U.S. incarcerations of World War II. Fourteen teens who have grown up together in Japantown, San Francisco. Fourteen teens who form a community and a family, as interconnected as they are conflicted. Fourteen teens whose lives are turned upside down when over 100,000 people of Japanese ancestry are removed from their homes and forced into desolate incarceration camps. In a world that seems determined to hate them, these young Nisei must rally together as racism and injustice threaten to pull them apart. 16 Call Me American by Abdi Nor Iftin Adapted from the adult memoir, this gripping story follows one boy’s journey into young adulthood and offers an intimate account of modern immigraiton.  Abdi Nor Iftin grew up amidst a blend of cultures, far from the United States. At home in Somalia, his mother entertained him with vivid folktales and bold stories detailing her rural, nomadic upbrinding. As he grew older, he spent his days following his father, a basketball player, through the bustling street of the capital city of Mogadishu. But when the threat of civil war reached Abdi’s doorstep, his family was forced to flee to safety. Through the turbulent years of war, young Abdi found solace in popular American music and films. Nicknamed Abdi the American, he developed a proficiency for English that connected him–and his story–with news outlets and radio shows, and eventually gave him a shot at winning the annual U.S. visa lottery. Abdi shares every part of his journey, and his courageous account reminds readers that everyone deserves the chance to build a brighter future for themselves. *Fake Plastic World by Zara Lisbon How badly do you want to be famous? What―or who―would you sacrifice? These are the questions Justine Childs is forced to reckon with as the main suspect in the murder of It-girl Eva-Kate Kelly. Not long ago, Eva-Kate drew Justine into her orbit before meeting her untimely end in a Venice Beach canal. Prosecutors and the public want to know: Did Justine, now a social media darling in her own right, kill her celebrity best friend? Can anyone be trusted to tell the truth? Justine has always wanted people to know her name―but not all notoriety is created equal. The Forest Queen by Betsy Cornwell When sixteen-year-old Silvie’s brother takes over management of their family’s vast estates, Silvie feels powerless to stop his abuse of the local commoners. Her dearest friend asks her to run away to the woods with him, and soon a host of other villagers join them. Together, they form their own community and fight to right the wrongs perpetrated by the king and his noblemen. Perfect for fans of fairy tale retellings or anyone who loves a strong female lead, this gorgeously written take on the Robin Hood tale goes beyond the original’s focus on economic justice to explore love, gender, the healing power of nature, and what it means to be a family. *I’ll Be The One by Lyla Lee Skye Shin has heard it all. Fat girls shouldn’t dance. Wear bright colors. Shouldn’t call attention to themselves. But Skye dreams of joining the glittering world of K-Pop, and to do that, she’s about to break all the rules that society, the media, and even her own mother, have set for girls like her. She’ll challenge thousands of other performers in an internationally televised competition looking for the next K-pop star, and she’ll do it better than anyone else. When Skye nails her audition, she’s immediately swept into a whirlwind of countless practices, shocking performances, and the drama that comes with reality TV. What she doesn’t count on are the highly fat-phobic beauty standards of the Korean pop entertainment industry, her sudden media fame and scrutiny, or the sparks that soon fly with her fellow competitor, Henry Cho. But Skye has her sights on becoming the world’s first plus-sized K-pop star, and that means winning the competition—without losing herself. The Kinder Poison by Natalie Mae In the magical kingdom of Orkena, Zahru has long dreamed of a life beyond the desert, even though she knows her lowly position as a stable girl who can commune with animals will never afford her such a luxury. All that changes when the ailing ruler invokes an ancient tradition known as the Crossing. It’s a death-defying race across the desert, in which the first of his heirs to finish–and take the life of a human sacrifice at the journey’s end–will ascend to the throne and be granted unparalleled abilities. As preparations and celebrations commence, Zahru jumps at the chance to experience a small taste of glamour by sneaking into the palace. But the minor indiscretion quickly turns into the worst mistake of her life as she gets caught up in a feud between the heirs and is ultimately forced to become the Crossing’s human sacrifice. Zahru is left with only one hope for survival: somehow figuring out how to overcome the most powerful people in the world. Sarah Bernhardt: The Divine and Dazzling Life of the World’s First Superstar by Catherine Reef Sarah Bernhardt was a French stage actor who became a global superstar in the late nineteenth century—the Lady Gaga of her day—and is still considered to be one of the greatest performers of all time. This fast-paced account of her life, filled with provocative detail, brilliantly follows the transformation of a girl of humble origins, born to a courtesan, into a fabulously talented, wealthy, and beloved icon. Not only was her acting trajectory remarkable, but her personal life was filled with jaw-dropping exploits, and she was extravagantly eccentric, living with a series of exotic animals and sleeping in a coffin. She grew to be deeply admired around the world, despite her unabashed and public promiscuity at a time when convention was king; she slept with each of her leading men and proudly raised a son without a husband. A fascinating and fast-paced deep dive into the world of the divine Sarah. Illustrated with more than sixty-five photos of Bernhardt on stage, in film, and in real life. Smooth by Matt Burns Fifteen-year-old Kevin has acne, and not just any acne. Stinging red welts, painful pustules, and massive whiteheads are ruining his life. In an act of desperation, he asks his dermatologist to prescribe him a drug with a dizzying list of possible side effects — including depression — and an obligatory monthly blood test. But when he meets Alex, a girl in the lab waiting room, blood test day quickly becomes his safe haven — something he sorely needs, since everyone, including his two best friends, is trying his last nerve. But as Kevin’s friendships slip further away and he discovers who Alex is outside of the lab, he realizes he’s not sure about anything anymore. Are loneliness and self-doubt the side effects of his new acne meds? Or are they the side effects of being fifteen? Told in a bitingly funny first-person narration, this debut novel crackles with wry and wistful insights about the absurdities of high school, longing and heartbreak, and a body out of control. A surefire hit for teen boys and reluctant readers, Smooth gets under the skin of a tenth-grader who is changing — inside and out. Today Tonight Tomorrow by Rachel Lynn Solomon Today, she hates him. It’s the last day of senior year. Rowan Roth and Neil McNair have been bitter rivals for all of high school, clashing on test scores, student council elections, and even gym class pull-up contests. While Rowan, who secretly wants to write romance novels, is anxious about the future, she’d love to beat her infuriating nemesis one last time. Tonight, she puts up with him. When Neil is named valedictorian, Rowan has only one chance at victory: Howl, a senior class game that takes them all over Seattle, a farewell tour of the city she loves. But after learning a group of seniors is out to get them, she and Neil reluctantly decide to team up until they’re the last players left—and then they’ll destroy each other. As Rowan spends more time with Neil, she realizes he’s much more than the awkward linguistics nerd she’s sparred with for the past four years. And, perhaps, this boy she claims to despise might actually be the boy of her dreams. Tomorrow…maybe she’s already fallen for him. You Say It First by Katie Cotugno One conversation can change everything. Meg has her entire life set up perfectly: she and her best friend, Emily, plan to head to Cornell together in the fall, and she works at a voter registration call center in her Philadelphia suburb. But everything changes when one of those calls connects her to a stranger from small-town Ohio. Colby is stuck in a rut, reeling from a family tragedy and working a dead-end job. The last thing he has time for is some privileged rich girl preaching the sanctity of the political process. So he says the worst thing he can think of and hangs up. But things don’t end there.… That night on the phone winds up being the first in a series of candid, sometimes heated, always surprising conversations that lead to a long-distance friendship and then—slowly—to something more. Across state lines and phone lines, Meg and Colby form a once-in-a-lifetime connection. But in the end, are they just too different to make it work? You Say It First is a propulsive, layered novel about how sometimes the person who has the least in common with us can be the one who changes us most. 23 Deadly Curious by Cindy Anstey A twisty tale reminiscent of Jane Austen—with a dash of murder—Cindy Anstey’s Deadly Curiousis perfect for fans of Kerri Maniscalco and Agatha Christie. Some secrets are better left buried… 1834. Sophia Thompson wants nothing more than to be one of the famed Bow Street Runners, London’s most elite corps of detectives. Never mind that a woman has never before joined their ranks—and certainly never mind that her reclusive family has forbidden her from pursuing such an unladylike goal. She gets the chance to prove her capabilities when an urgent letter arrives from her frantic cousin Daphne, begging Sophia to come look into the suspicious death of Daphne’s brother. As Sophia begins to unravel the tangled threads of the case—with the help of a charming young policeman—she soon realizes that the murderer may be even closer to her family than she ever suspected. Forest of Souls by Lori M. Lee Sirscha Ashwyn comes from nothing, but she’s intent on becoming something. After years of training to become the queen’s next royal spy, her plans are derailed when shamans attack and kill her best friend Saengo. And then Sirscha, somehow, restores Saengo to life. Unveiled as the first soulguide in living memory, Sirscha is summoned to the domain of the Spider King. For centuries, he has used his influence over the Dead Wood—an ancient forest possessed by souls—to enforce peace between the kingdoms. Now, with the trees growing wild and untamed, only a soulguide can restrain them. As war looms, Sirscha must master her newly awakened abilities before the trees shatter the brittle peace, or worse, claim Saengo, the friend she would die for. Girl, Unframed by Deb Caletti Sydney Reilly has a bad feeling about going home to San Francisco before she even gets on the plane. How could she not? Her mother is Lila Shore—the Lila Shore—a film star who prizes her beauty and male attention above all else…certainly above her daughter. But Sydney’s worries multiply when she discovers that Lila is involved with the dangerous Jake, an art dealer with shady connections. Jake loves all beautiful objects, and Syndey can feel his eyes on her whenever he’s around. And he’s not the only one. Sydney is starting to attract attention—good and bad—wherever she goes: from sweet, handsome Nicco Ricci, from the unsettling construction worker next door, and even from Lila. Behaviors that once seemed like misunderstandings begin to feel like threats as the summer grows longer and hotter. It’s unnerving, how beauty is complicated, and objects have histories, and you can be looked at without ever being seen. But real danger, crimes of passion, the kind of stuff where someone gets killed—it only mostly happens in the movies, Sydney is sure. Until the night something life-changing happens on the stairs that lead to the beach. A thrilling night that goes suddenly very wrong. When loyalties are called into question. And when Sydney learns a terrible truth: beautiful objects can break. *Hunted By The Sky by Tanaz Bhathena Gul has spent her life running. She has a star-shaped birthmark on her arm, and in the kingdom of Ambar, girls with such birthmarks have been disappearing for years. Gul’s mark is what caused her parents’ murder at the hand of King Lohar’s ruthless soldiers and forced her into hiding to protect her own life. So when a group of rebel women called the Sisters of the Golden Lotus rescue her, take her in, and train her in warrior magic, Gul wants only one thing: revenge. Cavas lives in the tenements, and he’s just about ready to sign his life over to the king’s army. His father is terminally ill, and Cavas will do anything to save him. But sparks fly when he meets a mysterious girl—Gul—in the capital’s bazaar, and as the chemistry between them undeniably grows, he becomes entangled in a mission of vengeance—and discovers a magic he never expected to find. Dangerous circumstances have brought Gul and Cavas together at the king’s domain in Ambar Fort…a world with secrets deadlier than their own. Keep My Heart in San Francisco by Amelia Diane Coombs Caroline “Chuck” Wilson has big plans for spring break—hit up estate sales to score vintage fashion finds and tour the fashion school she dreams of attending. But her dad wrecks those plans when he asks her to spend vacation working the counter at Bigmouth’s Bowl, her family’s failing bowling alley. Making things astronomically worse, Chuck finds out her dad is way behind on back rent—meaning they might be losing Bigmouth’s, the only thing keeping Chuck’s family in San Francisco. And the one person other than Chuck who wants to do anything about it? Beckett Porter, her annoyingly attractive ex-best friend. So when Beckett propositions Chuck with a plan to make serious cash infiltrating the Bay Area action bowling scene, she accepts. But she can’t shake the nagging feeling that she’s acting irrational—too much like her mother for comfort. Plus, despite her best efforts to keep things strictly business, Beckett’s charm is winning her back over…in ways that go beyond friendship. If Chuck fails, Bigmouth’s Bowl and their San Francisco legacy are gone forever. But if she succeeds, she might just get everything she ever wanted. My Eyes Are Up Here by Laura Zimmermann A “monomial” is a simple algebraic expression consisting of a single term. 30H, for example. fifteen-year-old Greer Walsh hasn’t been fazed by basic algebra since fifth grade, but for the last year, 30H has felt like an unsolvable equation–one that’s made her world a very small, very lonely place. 30H is her bra size–or it was the last time anyone checked. She stopped letting people get that close to her with a tape measure a while ago. Ever since everything changed the summer before ninth grade, Greer has felt out of control. She can’t control her first impressions, the whispers that follow, or the stares that linger after. The best she can do is put on her faithful XXL sweatshirt and let her posture–and her expectations for other people–slump. But people–strangers and friends–seem strangely determined to remind her that life is not supposed to be this way. Despite carefully avoiding physical contact and anything tighter than a puffy coat, Greer finds an unexpected community on the volleyball squad, the team that hugs between every point and wears a uniform “so tight it can squeeze out tears.” And then there’s Jackson Oates, newly arrived at her school and maybe actually more interested in her banter than her breasts. Rebel Spy by Veronica Rossi A reimagining of the story behind Agent 355–a New York society girl and spy for George Washington during the Revolutionary War–perfect for fans of Tatiana de Rosnay’s Sarah’s Keyand the novels of Julie Berry. Rebellious Frannie Tasker knows little about the war between England and its thirteen colonies in 1776, until a shipwreck off her home in Grand Bahama Island presents an unthinkable opportunity. The body of a young woman body floating in the sea gives Frannie the chance to escape her brutal stepfather–and she takes it. Assuming the identity of the drowned Emmeline Coates, Frannie is rescued by a British merchant ship and sails with the crew to New York. For the next three years, Frannie lives a lie as Miss Coates, swept up in a courtship by a dashing British lieutenant. But after witnessing the darker side of the war, she realizes that her position gives her power. Soon she’s eavesdropping on British officers, risking everything to pass information on to George Washington’s Culper spy ring as agent 355. Frannie believes in the fight for American liberty–but what will it cost her? Inspired by the true “355” and rich in historical detail and intrigue, this is the story of an unlikely New York society girl turned an even unlikelier spy. *Scorpion by Jeff Sweat In Scorpion, the sequel to Jeff Sweat’s YA futuristic thriller Mayfly, Jemma, Lady, and Pico all left the Holy Wood to seek answers to the End, and when they find the Old Guys―the only adults to have survived the original wipeout of everyone over the age of seventeen―they think they’ve found help at last. But there’s a lot the Old Guys aren’t telling them. In fact, some of them don’t seem interested in solving the End at all and just want Jemma and her friends to leave. Meanwhile, war is brewing among the tribes of the rest of the Children. Jemma’s old home has fallen into disorder, and is far from prepared for battle. It won’t be long before the fighting reaches Jemma and the Old Guys, if they even live to see it. Seasons of the Storm by Elle Cosimano One cold, crisp night, Jack Sommers was faced with a choice—live forever according to the ancient, magical rules of Gaia, or die. Jack chose to live, and in exchange, he became a Winter—an immortal physical embodiment of the season on Earth. Every year, he must hunt the Season who comes before him. Summer kills Spring. Autumn kills Summer. Winter kills Autumn. And Spring kills Winter. Jack and Fleur, a Winter and a Spring, fall for each other against all odds. To be together, they’ll have to escape the cycle that’s been forcing them apart. But their creator won’t let them go without a fight. Sisters of Sword and Song by Rebecca Ross After eight years, Evadne will finally be reunited with her older sister, Halcyon, who has been serving in the queen’s army. But when Halcyon unexpectedly appears a day early, Eva knows something is wrong. Halcyon has charged with a heinous crime, and though her life is spared, she is sentenced to 15 years. Suspicious of the charges, brought forth by Halcyon’s army commander, as well as the details of the crime, Eva volunteers to take part of her sister’s sentence. If there’s a way to absolve Halcyon, she’ll find it. But as the sisters begin their sentences, they quickly learn that there are fates worse than death. A Sky Painted Gold by Laura Wood It is the summer of 1929. Lou Trevelyan is a small-town girl with big dreams of becoming a writer. Then she meets the Cardew siblings: the bubbly Caitlin and her handsome, enigmatic brother, Robert. Lou is swept into their glittering whirlwind of moonlit parties, unrivaled glamour, and whispered secrets. As she falls deeper into the world of high society, Lou must find a way to stay true to herself . . . and her heart. Take Me With You by Tara Altebrando Eden, Eli, Marwan, and Ilanka barely know each other beyond having a class or two together. But when they are all summoned via messaging app to an empty classroom after school, they find a small cube sitting on a desk. Its sides light up with rules for them: Do not tell anyone about the device. Never leave the device unattended.  And then, Take me with you . . . or else. At first they think it’s some kind of prank or a social experiment orchestrated by the school administration. Still, they follow its instructions until the newly-formed group starts to splinter. Nobody has time for these games–their lives are complicated enough. But the device seems increasingly invested in the private details of their lives. And disobeying its rules has scary–even life-threatening–consequences . . . This timely thriller probes our dependence on personal technology and challenges the notion that our devices are keeping us connected. The truth may very well be the opposite. What Unbreakable Looks Like by Kate McLaughlin Lex was taken–trafficked–and now she’s Poppy. Kept in a hotel with other girls, her old life is a distant memory. But when the girls are rescued, she doesn’t quite know how to be Lex again. After she moves in with her aunt and uncle, for the first time in a long time, she knows what it is to feel truly safe. Except, she doesn’t trust it. Doesn’t trust her new home. Doesn’t trust her new friend. Doesn’t trust her new life. Instead she trusts what she shouldn’t because that’s what feels right. She doesn’t deserve good things. But when she is sexually assaulted by her so-called boyfriend and his friends, Lex is forced to reckon with what happened to her and that just because she is used to it, doesn’t mean it is okay. She’s thrust into the limelight and realizes she has the power to help others. But first she’ll have to confront the monsters of her past with the help of her family, friends, and a new love. You’re Next by Kylie Schachte Flora Calhoun has a reputation for sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong. After stumbling upon a classmate’s body years ago, the trauma of that discovery and the police’s failure to find the killer has haunted her ever since. One night, she gets a midnight text from Ava McQueen, the beautiful girl who had ignited Flora’s heart last summer, then never spoke to her again. Just in time to witness Ava’s death from a gunshot wound, Flora is set on a path of rage and vengeance for all the dead girls whose killer is never found. Her tunnel-visioned sleuthing leads to valuable clues about a shocking conspiracy involving her school and beyond, but also earns her sinister threats from the murderer. She has a choice: give up the hunt for answers, or keep digging and risk her loved ones’ lives. Either way, Flora will regret the consequences. Who’s next on the killer’s list? 30 10 Things I Hate About Pinky by Sandhya Menon Pinky Kumar wears the social justice warrior badge with pride. From raccoon hospitals to persecuted rock stars, no cause is too esoteric for her to champion. But a teeny tiny part of her also really enjoys making her conservative, buttoned-up corporate lawyer parents cringe. Samir Jha might have a few…quirks remaining from the time he had to take care of his sick mother, like the endless lists he makes in his planner and the way he schedules every minute of every day, but those are good things. They make life predictable and steady. Pinky loves lazy summers at her parents’ Cape Cod lake house, but after listening to them harangue her about the poor decisions she’s made (a.k.a. boyfriends she’s had), she hatches a plan. Get her sorta-friend-sorta-enemy—who is a total Harvard-bound Mama’s boy—to pose as her perfect boyfriend for the summer. When Samir’s internship falls through, leaving him with an unplanned summer, he gets a text from Pinky asking if he’ll be her fake boyfriend in exchange for a new internship. He jumps at the opportunity; Pinky’s a weirdo, but he can survive a summer with her if there’s light at the end of the tunnel. As they bicker their way through lighthouses and butterfly habitats, sparks fly, and they both realize this will be a summer they’ll never forget. Goddess In The Machine by Lora Beth Johnson When Andra wakes up, she’s drowning. Not only that, but she’s in a hot, dirty cave, it’s the year 3102, and everyone keeps calling her Goddess. When Andra went into a cryonic sleep for a trip across the galaxy, she expected to wake up in 100 years, not 1,000. Worst of all, the rest of the colonists – including her family and friends – are dead. They died centuries ago, and for some reason, their descendants think Andra’s a deity. She knows she’s nothing special, but she’ll play along if it means she can figure out why she was left in stasis and how to get back to Earth. Zhade, the exiled bastard prince of Eerensed, has other plans. Four years ago, the sleeping Goddess’ glass coffin disappeared from the palace, and Zhade devoted himself to finding it. Now, he’s hoping the Goddess will be the key to taking his rightful place on the throne – if he can get her to play her part, that is. Because if his people realize she doesn’t actually have the power to save their dying planet, they’ll kill her. With a vicious monarch on the throne and a city tearing apart at the seams, Zhade and Andra might never be able to unlock the mystery of her fate, let alone find a way to unseat the king, especially since Zhade hasn’t exactly been forthcoming with Andra. And 1,000 years from home, is there any way of knowing that Earth is better than the planet she’s woken to? Influence by Sara Shepard and Lilia Buckingham After a video she makes goes viral, everyone knows Delilah Rollins. And now that she’s in LA, Delilah’s standing on the edge of something incredible. Everything is going to change. She has no idea how much. Jasmine Walters-Diaz grew up in the spotlight. A child star turned media darling, the posts of her in her classic Lulu C. rainbow skirt practically break the Internet. But if the world knew who Jasmine really was, her perfect life? Canceled. Fiona Jacobs is so funny–the kind of girl for whom a crowd parts–no wonder she’s always smiling! But on the inside? The girl’s a hot mess. And when someone comes out of the shadows with a secret from her past, it’s one that won’t just embarrass Fiona: it will ruin her. Who wouldn’t want to be Scarlet Leigh? Just look at her Instagram. Scarlet isn’t just styled to perfection: she is perfection. Scarlet has a gorgeous, famous boyfriend named Jack and there’s a whole fanbase about their ship. To everyone watching online, their lives seem perfect . . . but are they really? The sun is hot in California . . . and someone’s going to get burned. Ms. Gloria Steinem: A Life by Winifred Conkling Gloria Steinem was no stranger to injustice even from a young age. Her mother, Ruth, having suffered a nervous breakdown at only 34, spent much of Gloria’s childhood in and out of mental health facilities. And when Gloria was only 10 years old, her father divorced her mother and left for California, unable to bear the stress of caring for Ruth any longer. Gloria never blamed her mother for being unable to hold down a job to support them both after that, but rather blamed society’s intrinsic hostility toward women, and working women in particular. This was the spark that lit a fire in her that would burn for decades, and continues to burn brightly today. *Truelife by Jay Kristoff Best friends have become enemies. Lovers have become strangers. And deciding whose side you’re on could be the difference between life and death. For Eve and Lemon, discovering the truth about themselves–and each other–was too much for their friendship to take. But with the country on the brink of a new world war–this time between the BioMaas swarm at CityHive and Daedalus’s army at Megopolis, loyalties will be pushed to the brink, unlikely alliances will form and with them, betrayals. But the threat doesn’t stop there, because the lifelikes are determined to access the program that will set every robot free, a task requiring both Eve and Ana, the girl she was created to replace. In the end, violent clashes and heartbreaking choices reveal the true heroes . . . and they may not be who you think they are. #YaBookPreview #Lists #YoungAdultLiterature

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[kmbrlyflrc-blog]

A MAN WHO DOESN’T PUT YOU FIRST

I have many girl friends talking about their childhood crushes, high school sweet hearts and even their boyfriends they wanted to marry. I am so happy hearing their endless stories about their ideal man. I felt like yesterday we were striving and competing hard just to have the highest grade, practicing in a cheerleading competition just to experience holding a trophy, talking about when will be our next reunion and now we were fighting for our real dreams. Time really flies so fast.

When I was busy hearing their stories about their ideal type, one of my friends asked me out of the blue.

"What is your favorite part about him?"

Without even asking who he is. (bc they knew it already) They eagerly were awaiting my answer. Because they knew that it was hard for me to like someone because I have never been in love or enter a serious relationship, they were curious. What was the most attractive part of my ideal man?

Suddenly, the room with full of noise suddenly filled with a peaceful atmosphere. They were shocked from what I answered.

"He doesn't put me first,"I answered. They began to mumbled and whispered to each other wondering why. They started questioning and trying to convince me why. I know it sounded like a joke but I knew it was just a friendly reminder. They started telling me that I am a princess and why wishes to have a man who doesn't put me first. They started reminding me that I should read more articles on Facebook about the man who would do anything for you more often.

They started saying that, "You are a queen. You should wait for a man that will give his time and his attention to you."

But they stepped back and started listening to my own story. For some instance, they realized that probably we have a different perspective in choosing for a man we wish to have.

"He is a type of man who'll keep you waiting for hours because he is busy taking care of his younger brothers." He will take his time preparing all the needs of siblings before giving his time for you. I want a man who'll definitely put his responsibility first before you. Like doing their laundry, cleaning their house before anything else.

The one who does his assignments and projects first before taking his time replying to your messages.

There are a lot of things that made me admire him but there is really one significant reason why I like him.

I continued to talk about the man I admired. A man who wouldn't trade the world just to worship me, and the one who wouldn't think for a while because he will never put me first.

His two beautiful eyes weren't focused on me. They were focused on their rock and redeemer. He put Christ first, and no one else. Including the love of his life. And this is the very first reason why I always admire even the slightest flaws he has.

He cared about what might other feels, but he vows to always go where our Creator called him to go.

He is a man that will admire you like Christ but never forgot who his first love was.

The way they looked from the very beginning changed when I started telling small stories about him. I knew from this moment that they understand what my point is.

Because I know in some instances of our lives when we are looking for a guy or setting standards, it is easy for us to say that we want a man who will move and climb mountains just to be with you, but what about praying for a man who believes that God can move those mountains for you? A guy that who could swim with you when you wanted to swim the widest sea, but what about praying a man who believes that God can save you when you're about to drown? We are busy living in this society waiting and believing to find a man who will do everything for us, but I think, we should search for something deeper.

Seeing them smiling at me made me realized that I have made the right decision, to share all the wonderful things that I have encountered through the grace of God.

Because at some point of our life, somehow, we should wait for a man who puts Christ first, seeks His marvelous Kingdom first, a believer that anything is possible if you believe in Him. And because His love and devotion to our Savior He loves us wholeheartedly.

It is really easy to have an intimate desire having a guy who would wrap around our hand. A guy that will provide his coat when we are cold. A guy that will give his umbrella for us just because rain is about to fall. It is easy to want a guy who does whatever we want or whatever favors we asked. But we are not God... I think, what's hard is what's best. I think it's hard to find a man who'll wrap his hand like God was holding you when you were in pain. A man that will let you understand that whatever coldness or numbness you might be experiencing, he will let you realize that God is working for you and no matter how comfortable your coat is, the coldness that once you experienced isn't greater than His hug when you are cold. Because His arms wrapped around your shoulders are the best coat you have. A man that will make you realize that no matter how many umbrellas you used to cover up, God is the greatest Savior of all. That no matter how heavy the rain is, you should trust His plans because His plans were better than yours... and I think, when we are asking someone to put us first, we are only separating Him from His first love. Because the man whom I was talking about was a type of guy who will choose to read the Bible and will listen to the preachings of the pastor than playing video games.

I guess we are so busy finding typical handsome rich guys who will give you luxury and the things you wanted. But don't think anything less because, in God's words, you will feel secured. In God's words, you will feel contentment and you will never ask for anything more. I think it's a friendly reminder. We are so blinded waiting for the right man yet our definition of right is wrong. We need to find I man who puts Christ first - not setting you as his priorities, not porn, not "the boys."

I will never get tired saying and repeating this but we need to dance first with Christ before giving a chance to a man who would like to ask for a dance. We need to have a step-by-step follow with Christ just like the systematic process we made in our Science experiment. We need to follow Christ's lead, gracefully take the steps while coming where He calls us to. We should not worry about yesterdays and tomorrows because He is our leader. He will always be.

I know time will come that there is a point in our life that while dancing with Christ, you will notice there is someone else striving to follow Christ's footwork. Someone who is busy following His words, and suddenly His words became your melodies and embrace the music you once made.

Look for a man who strives to have the same characteristics as Jesus. Look for someone who worships Jesus through his actions.

You will actually mess up, look down, be a failure but take time to realize that you cannot be his foundation. Because not all the time you will experience joy and happiness. You will get tired, you will give up and you will turn back this world. But to tell you honestly, when you have God in your heart and you let Him do what His plans, you will never see all your mistakes and failures because He is a God of God. He will never forsake you.

Wait.

Wait for that. And while waiting for that person, stop finding the right one yet be the right person. Don't settle anything for less because you wanted to love but realize that God can love you much more. Don't settle because you found a guy who puts you first. Because before he put you first, God is already there before he came.

Wait for a man who doesn’t put you as his foundation. Wait for a man who is planted on our God, our rock– and together you find each other because both of you made the Lord your foundation.

Wait for the guy who will push you to know Christ more.

Wait for the guy who will put Christ first before anything else.

Wait for the guy that will let you realize that there are no wonderful words than God's words.

Wait for the guy that will never let you doubt what can God do.

Wait for the guy who shares how great our Savior is, and will remind you that He is an ultimate Being that believing in Him will make all things possible if you have faith.